Missing my old therapist

[mylunareclipse]

About two months ago I lost my therapist of 3 years due to her having to change jobs.
She was my first therapist and I think I had gotten very attached to her in a very unconscious way. She always had very strong boundaries, so it's not like I got attached because of this. I guess I just got attached because for the first time someone was listening to me, caring about what I had to say, wanting me to feel better, seeing me and treating me like a human being, to the point that I started believing I was a human being. She was also the first person to help me understand what trauma is and what was happening to me.
And now that she's gone I just miss her so much! I find myself re-reading our old emails and it feels like something suspended. I think as the weeks have gone by it's gotten a bit harder rather than easier, as it's now finally starting to hit me that our sessions are really really over and I won't see her again. I know eventually time will help, but I still miss her a lot. I had finally started to trust her and I feel like in the last few months we had done more work than in the previous years combined. Anyone can relate and what helped you to get through it?

 

[Skywatcher]

I am so sorry to hear this. Will you be starting with someone new?

 

[Teamwork]

Can feel how painful this is. I’m at five years with mine and if anything ever happened where we couldn’t work together I’d be adrift too. I too would read emails and long for what was and what now can’t be. It isn’t about time helping as much as its about putting the new way of seeing into just being emails to fondly look over. those are keepsakes of a relationship that ended but ended well. The perspective is that with a change came a winding down and a moving on but not out of a bad situation or an abrupt ending, but more of a chance for both sides to declare the intent, as in I’m getting a new job and wont be able to do this, then moving to how to wind down the sessions and finally this is it. Your in the this is it period. It would be great to seek out a new one and allow yourself the pleasure of getting to know someone else in this world is also capable of hearing you and offering you a new working relationship. this will give you a whole new growth opportunity while you cherish the one who rekindled your faith in yourself and others. I had a t once for two years and she was amazing, after her I had a few and it took me awhile to get away from them as they were not a good fit. Now the fit is strong again.

 

[hithere]

I feel for you. I can understand what you are going through. I still my first therapist. What helped me the absolute most was to take the connection I had with him, those feelings, etc, and I applied it to other people in my life. I learned to trust him and learned he isn't perfect, but that I can trust others who are not perfect and feel connected. What helped me the most was to talk to myself the way he talked to me; also I used things he said to help me express my feelings to others, to express my feelings of compassion to others. I never knew quite how to do that; but I heard his expressions of compassion toward me, so it was in my head and I had a way now to express what I felt to others. I guess that's called modeling? anyway, just like my swim coach is still in my head ; my swim stroke technique is all my swim coach and decades later I still swim that stroke-- my psychotherapist was in my head and the way I relate to others is/was the result of us talking together for two years. Hang in there! I also occassionally 24 years later pull my "therapy" box out with my notes and journals and read through that time and remember things he taught me. I'm glad you had a healthy therapist. If there are any little young parts, I would comfort them myself and explain this is how the big grown up world is and we will get through it.

 

[Missycat]

It is difficult and regardless of how hard you try there is some attachment, as you say this was the first person that helped you and really listened to you. I think @hithere explains it really well ( above) , to remember them take what you have learned and continue to grow. I remember telling my t that i found myself saying things to myself in my head exactly how she would say it and i would think ‘i know what t would say now’ , she told me that was a great way to remember our work together and that it made her feel good and that she had helped me and also demonstrated i was ready to move on. My t told me that she had learned alot from me , which i hadnt thought about. It was hard at first but knowing the above eased it a little. You will heal and feel better.