More Understanding...

[LittleMe]

New to this site and I have PTSD , it's a constant struggle at times. It really gets to you sometimes and I feel so alone in my journey, I have a boyfriend who has been mu support through all my ups and downs, the thing is he does not quite understand it, he tries to be there for me but at the same time he gets frustrated with me because I am experiencing some difficult emotional flashbacks for the time being. And he then says things that makes me feel bad...and sad as well, that I should stop live in the past and look to the future instead. He said that the other day and it hurt my feelings, since I am trying so hard to cope with all these emotions and intrusive flashbacks. He didn't see anything wrong with what he said and could not understand why I got upset about it.
What can I do to make him understand a bit more, I am not asking for him to get everything since PTSD is such a complex thing to have, but to at least try and have some more knowledge about it!
He used to be more understanding but lately I feel he just had enough maybe of my issues...

 

[RecedingMoonlight]

Hello, welcome to the forum!

I'm really sorry about what your boyfriend said. It is possible that he meant nothing malicious from it. In the mind of someone without mental issues, seperating the definitions of "a bad memory" from "trauma" is a little complicated.

I used to use a metaphor kind of like this: a bad memory or a negative memory that doesn't cause trauma, ei: bullying, rejection, things that happen to most people in life, is like a mosquito bite. Traumatic memories are like leeches.

What he is doing, is giving advice that would be useful for a mosquito bite, not a leech latching onto you. "Oh, you have to let go of it. Stop paying attention to it, and eventually it'll go away, and you can focus on more important things." Yeah, that makes sense. For a mosquito bite. Bad feelings affect people all the time and people tend to focus on them. That's life. You'll want to itch the bite. But the only way it'll go away is if you stop scratching it. And eventually, once you stop, yeah, it'll go away.

But sorry, that's not going to help with traumatic memory. If a leech is attached to you, it's not going to go away by simply ignoring it. In fact, ignoring it will probably worsen the situation. That's not to say, "Oh, rip off the leech", because you're going to probably cause injury to yourself if you do that. But basically, that shit isn't a mosquito bite. Leeches keep draining you and draining you, but unlike REAL leeches, traumatic memories don't become satiated. They will keep affecting you and taking away energy, and it requires careful medical care in order to remove - blunt removal can be damaging. To top it all off, even WHEN the leech is removed, it'll end up like a mosquito bite - itchy, painful, and hard to ignore anyway.

 

[SGT1209]

New to this site and I have PTSD , it's a constant struggle at times. It really gets to you sometimes...

Hi LittleMe, I hope others here can assist you. I am a recently new here also. There is a wealth of information on this site, and there is useful information from and for supporters, also about ptsd relationships, and more. There's a search button above also. I noticed you said "And he then says things that makes me feel bad...and sad as well, that I should stop live in the past and look to the future instead. He said that the other day and it hurt my feelings"... You can not 'just stop living in the past - I hope you have a T and are able to share this with them... I hope your boyfriend is not emotionally abusive; no-one deserves to be made to feel bad. Take care :)

 

[LittleMe]

Thanks for your reply/replies, I know it's difficult from an outsiders perspective to see how we perceive things, but it's frustrating when someone doesn't quite get what we deal with on a regular basis.
And no he is not emotionally abusive, never has been...
:)

 

[Silver.]

Welcome
One of the best things I have found on this website was The PTSD cup explanation. I used this to show my s/o so he could get a somewhat better idea of what I go through. It opened up avenues for us to be able to discuss things more. He still doesn't fully get it, but he has a better grasp of what is is I go through. Perhaps it will help the two of you:
https://www.myptsd.com/threads/the-ptsd-cup-explanation.13737/

Take Care