Most Controversial Post You've Ever Read

[Ipevi]

As far as I'm concerned I'm not angry that you think I'm pathetic because I wasn't done the same way as you ( I wasn't do...

Notice that no one else was agreeing with grading levels of trauma...everyone was against me saying it isn't useful or kind to compare. And as soon as I was able to address my own inner turmoil I snapped out of it and wholly agree. I actually don't think the sentiment to suck it up is largely out there. This site is proof that most people feel compassion for the whole spectrum of traumas. Myself included. I was just in a moment of despair and feeling a bit, overwhelmed and childish.

I think if anything, a good take away message from this thread is knowing how much people don't tolerate intolerance.

 

[Epom]

When I first started conversing with younger Millenials about sexual assault and consent, I went through a lot of emotions as a rape survivor.

First it is scary to pull back the veil and look at all the minor and major instances of sexual assault in my own life. Once I admitted that consent did matter, I realized all the times I'm my life it was violated by people who supposedly loved and cared for me.

Second, there is no such thing as "rape-lite" I lost my virginity to my high school boyfriend after he got me drunk and I blacked out in his friends closet. Was that worse then a few years later when a group of His friends drugged, kidnapped and tormented me with attempted murder? No of course not, but you know what- both offenses are cut from the same cloth. The same privilege and right to my body my boyfriend had when he raped me sets the table and allows boys and men to get away with horrific rapes as well.

So instead of seeing it as complaining about nothing or feeling jealous that young women are actually getting support when sexually assaulted, I say thank god! Somebody is finally talking and listening and maybe, just maybe things are starting to change.

What I have lived through is awful, but maybe it won't always be like that. Maybe women can actually stand together and make this better...

 

[Osika]

As far as I'm concerned I'm not angry that you think I'm pathetic because I wasn't done the same way as you ( I wasn't do...

I'm not sure if I am missunderstanding the post but I don't think you're pathetic (nor do I think anyone is really. I don't judge in that way), because your trauma wasn't like mine. I actually feel all trauma are on an equal plane (as my post before last said) or that anyone should "suck it up buttercup". If you are thinking that is what I said then you miss read my post.

That post you quoted was stating that at times my haulted emotions become triggered and to the forefront and then I start to get irritated by "small" stuff (that aren't in reality small) and those thoughts are juvenile because they are haulted or immature emotions that didn't have a chance to "grow up" and got stunted because of my trauma.

But I recongize that as my issue. They aren't my standards as I don't have standards. They are emotions I have while in a triggered state. I was telling the OP that I understood and can relate to the post i quoted.

 

[Hakun]

I'm not sure if I am missunderstanding the post but I don't think you're pathetic (nor do I think anyone is really. I d...

This is what makes anonymous confusing. I never know who I'm talking to.

 

[Masedaz]

She didn't use the words but it is implied. The whole "my trauma is worse than yours thing" is exactly why so many people...

No, it's not implied.

You're skewing things too.

Again, I can read what she said and understand her feelings. I do NOT think she is saying others are pathetic. Everyone is entitled to their feelings. It's not fair for someone to have these feelings and then for others to come along, act butt-hurt, play the victim, and say "whaaaaa!!!! You think I'm pathetic!"

This convo is no fun because too many are speaking solely out of emotion with no rationality. Might want to do some self reflection and own your issues before claiming people think certain things about you (that were never stated).

Believing things are implied means you're assuming. What is that saying? If you assume you make an a-s-s out of u and m-e. Don't assume. Ask!

 

[Unigu]

Truth is everyone feels their trauma was the worst because it happened to THEM.

I disagree with this statement as well. For me, I feel my trauma was not that bad and still today it's justified because it happened to me. If the same trauma happened to anyone else I'd be mortified but because it was me then they were justified to do what they did.

My therapist is trying to get me to see the gravity of what actually happened but it took years for me to see it any different. Orginally it was "good", "ok", "godly", "holy", and never ever could say it was abusive or wrong and very justified. I wasn't on the site then. Why would I be? After all, I hadn't been abuse in my head. Why would I seek support? I was incrediable f*cked up like that when I was first forced into therapy.

When I first came to the site, though I could see that it could be wrong and it could be abusive, I wasn't at a place where I could say my abuser were abusers. That came a month or so into being here but when I first came here, I carried the blame. It was my fault because I was bad. And I still see myself as "bad" though no longer carry the blame.

However, though I can say it was abusive and wrong, don't carry the blame, and can see my abusers as abusers today, it is still justified and not that bad.

So I disagree that everyone thinks their trauma is the worst because it happened to them. I mean, that could be the case here, with the OP, but I would trade the word "everyone" (which includes myself) and replace it with "some" (which is closer to the truth. So, some feel their trauma was the worst because it happened to them.

Don't assume. Ask!

I agree with that and also would say that applies to any thread. I have made the mistake of assuming as well. But have really gotten angry when people assumed on my threads, as they were wrong each time. So I have seen it from both sides.

I am not upset. Just kindly advising that it is much better to ask then assume. Because you could very well be wrong. I was each time I assumed and others were each time they assumed in my threads.

 

[Cuwik]

Egip here - sorry I said that everyone feels their trauma was the worst. I should know by now never to assume everyone feels the same!
I guess mine was obvious and changed the entire trajectory of my life.
I guess I probably did know there was worse out there, but what I meant was you feel your own pain and all the losses connected more than you can feel anothers pain.
I lost my ability to have children as a result of my own trauma.
That to me felt like the worst thing that could happen to me, and meNs I can never forget.
So I empathise with the pain of others, and especially those who have suffered similarly, but my own is what causes that ache in my heart

 

[Ihazas]

I lost my ability to have children as a result of my own trauma.

I did as well (the one that replied right above you) but also feel that in of itself was justified because, well, I am that bad and that horrible of a person. Why should I be able to have kids?

My trauma was a cult and so I was "programed" or "brainwashed" and it so it takes a LONG time to see things correctly. 8 years in therapy and still justified in my head. My therapist says I may always have that "I'm bad" sort of in the back of my mind and may struggle with it for the remainder of my life. Though the struggle will lessen over time.

I am sorry that you can't have children either. That is horrible! :hug:

 

[Hocid]

But there's no "trauma" in that scenario. Just regretful sex.

That is your judgement, based on what you know. That doesn't mean there was no trauma for the person in that scenario. Unless you live inside her head, you do not know what she experienced and is experiencing. I dissociate like a champ. I've never met anyone in real life that dissociates as completely/well as me. I have had people tell me how well I cope with life when I have my suicide all planned out, my body is covered with SI scars and I don't expect to live out the week. My own therapist has told me I really need to use words and tell her what's going on, because I mask it so well.

 

[Naci]

Oh I'm sorry too for you ihazas! That's truly awful that they brainwashed you to that extent!
I too have that "I'm bad" feeling about me - i think for me it's as a result of being treated so badly.
May we both find peace :hug:

 

[Ufi]

It turns out that the "most controversial post" actually turned into a productive conversation. Thanks @joeylittle for setting an proactive tone.

 

[Owo]

That is your judgement, based on what you know. That doesn't mean there was no trauma for the person in that scenario. U...

Well if she was all over the guy and leading him to the bedroom, was it rape?

She gave so many indications that she wanted sex, (DRAGGING HIM TO THE BEDROOM!) I don't think this guy should be branded a rapist.

I get disgusted when people automatically assume the guy is guilty scum when they hear stories like this.

People need to take personal responsibility. It's not fair to give so many signals of wanting sex and then scream rape when you actually got what you indicated you wanted.

"no means no even if I am all over the guy, get naked and put a welcome sign on my nether regions" ......this kind of thinking needs to stop. We apply it to NOTHING else, just sex. It's not actually a logical argument. And I really do think it's stupid to think that we can give a million signs for wanting something and then act like a butt-hurt victim when we actually get what we were indicating we wanted.

Apply this logic to anything BUT sex and people will laugh at you.