Hi.
I did not look up any personal info on the OP in this thread. Not their other posts on the forum, not off the forum - which I have no power to do, as
@anthony made clear:
I do not know who any of you are.
I did check to make sure the OP was a legitimate member (meaning, had not just joined today, and had a bit of a posting history - that's only looking at join date and posts). I did that to make sure it wasn't someone looking to just come along and start fights.
My response post in the thread was only informed by material that was in the thread.
OP - I do want to apologize, because even though I try and be really, really careful when reading anon. threads - I did mix you and one other poster up.
You talked about developing Stockholm for the person who raped you.
Another poster said that they too had developed Stockholm from their trauma, to the point where they tried to have a relationship with the perpetrator.
You responded to that post saying that you were so glad to have a reply indicating that someone understood.
From that, I connected two wrong dots: I thought you had
also had a relationship with the person who raped you. But you never said that. So - I do want to apologize for getting that totally wrong. I'm a careful reader, but clearly I f*cked that up.
I need to address this:
I just want to let everyone here know that the ADMIN that responded to my anonymous post, discussing her vulva being nail gunned to a table, had actually looked up my private info and responded in this thread in details using my private info and not based off the facts of the anonymous thread.
I've already made it clear I never looked up any info on you. Now, here is the exchange where I mention nail-guns, but in context:
Sometimes, people figure out that what they thought was the worst thing...isn't the worst thing. But while it's happening to them, it is. And it's got nothing to do with invalidating
your worst thing.
My trachea was severed from strangulation. Do you know what that feels like? I'd MUCH rather have a f*cking pine needle in my vagina and in my pony tail. I'm sorry I don't see where you are coming from,
No, my trachea was not severed. I don't know what that feels like. My vulva was nail-gunned to a table. We can play this game all f*cking day, and where's it going to end? Absolutely no-where.
I was making a point about the other end (the extreme end) of the spectrum, and where comparison leads to - which is a dead end. That was actually my point about Stockholm as well - I said, really clearly, that my own trigger in that was something I needed to own - that I don't get to judge or control how other people talk about their trauma.
...I need to constantly remind myself that my experience does not depend on some agreed-upon spectrum of experiences. That people are going to use words, terms, phrases to describe things - and when I don't agree, it's going to get under my skin. I try and notice it, and understand why. And sometimes, I want to vent to the high heavens, just like you've done here.
To the poster who said this:
...I would hope that whoever was in admin here would be healed enough to not look up anothers history when this is an anonymous forum...If admin has an issue with a user, I'd hope that wd be kept private.
Believe it or not, I don't have an issue with anyone. I get fired-up about things I give a shit about. And I'm not super-human - I have PTSD too, and I get upset, just like anyone, and have to step back and pull my shit together, just like anyone. I've lost my temper here before. But believe me - I know these are my responses, and I don't turn them into grudges or attitudes held against the members here.
That doesn't mean that I'm always going to be polite. Sometimes blunt is best. But I don't take any of it personally.
I hope that the OP - and everyone else reading this - is satisfied by my response, here. There wasn't any attempt to look the OP up on other threads, or elsewhere on the internet. I don't know anything about the OP except for what they've posted in this thread. I know I've read their other posts, but to be honest, I don't recall details of them - I speed read most of the forum. All I know about the OP is that they've been a good member here, responding to other people, being engaged about PTSD. That's what I know.
And that's what I'll continue to believe, should they choose to come back. If they don't, that's their choice - I can honestly say that I've done nothing improper.
-Joeylittle
(I've been posting as A D M I N on this entire thread, and no other name)
