Supporter Most People Have Told Me To "run"!

[Deleted member 1860]

She's lucky to have you in her life. I just hope she's able to realize it.

 

[anthony]

Have you ever gave up on your Best Friend, your Confidant and your Lover?

Me... yes, I have. Some of my best friends became ill with PTSD, and they became extremely toxic. Some are still toxic, thus I don't engage with them still all these years later. One of my best mates growing up showed his true colours the moment he was presented with something that benefited him, thus shitting all over me. Another good friend won't stop doing drugs... thus he is toxic to be around.

A girl from long in my past, before my second wife, I would have married. She was the real deal and so compatible to me, but she was also a constant liar and cheater. She couldn't keep her pussy in her pants, thus I ditched her like a hot rock. She hadn't changed when I had last contact with her years ago, before meeting my now lovely wife.

For what you may feel is your soul mate, the problem is... you obviously aren't hers. It has to go both ways to be true soul mates. Otherwise, you become a stalker who won't take no for an answer. Soul mates is plural... both ways, not one way. If you were her soul mate, she wouldn't want nothing to do with you, even with PTSD. She would answer you, acknowledge you, want to sit down and talk with you... something. Nothing is not a good sign from her side.

I won't say that persistence doesn't work, or isn't right... because sometimes it does work out. But face facts and keep realistic, it is the exception, not the rule.

 

[HighwayToHell]

It's your life Needing Guidance but I am wondering now - are you familiar with the term 'Co-dependant'?

 

[Needing Guidance]

Well, only in the last few days did I find out from some people she knows, that she had told them for months that "She found her Soulmate, was so happy and she was afraid to mention all the little things that I did for her all the time, in fear of sounding too much like a chick. lol

She is full of life and funny as heck most of the time. And if you didn't know how well we got along, you probably would wonder about me. I have plenty of chances to turn, run and end up with someone else. But I've never turned my back on a good friend. Granted, I've never had someone treat me like some of you have and I won't put up with it if someone started doing it.

 

[Needing Guidance]

After talking with a relative of hers this afternoon, I found out she was not only paranoid, but possibly felt like she wasn't ready for a serious relationship. And, that they believe she is smart enough, that "if her PTSD was actually serious, she would surely get help on her own".

It appears most the family is in denial still over her brothers suicide a few years back. They sill think he "accidentally" took too many sleeping pills before a court date, since he was stressed out and couldn't sleep and "didn't commit suicide. That isn't what I was told by my girlfriend.

So apparently nobody is truly there for her in her family. I wish her the best of luck and hopefully someday she will come back to being herself and come talk to me again. Until then, I guess I can't put my life on hold waiting for someone that may never come back to me, as either a friend, or more.

Thought I'd update! Wish everyone well.

 

[HighwayToHell]

No my friend, you can't. At least not if you want to be a fully functioning human being.
I am sad for you that the relationship is over, but above all relieved for your sake.
And you can take it from another woman, there are no end of ladies out there that would step all over her to snaffle a man like you.

Best of luck to you too Needing Guidance and I hope you still visit us here anytime you feel the need.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Denial is powerful.

Look at Steve Jobs. I don't think anyone would doubt that he was intelligent, yet he believed he could cure his cancer through proper nutrition. Point being, even intelligent people don't always do the "smart" thing.

If someone has recurring episodes that last 9 months, this is definitely serious enough to need help. I really don't think her family is doing her any favors by letting her retreat into their world when life gets tough and symptoms kick into high gear. Healing takes hard work, not running from your problems.

I still think she is/was lucky to have you.

 

[Needing Guidance]

Thank You All. And you are right.

I do hope she comes around to having that steady wonderful personality again. If for nothing but her own happiness!

Don't worry, I'm sure I'll stay in touch and keep updated and informed. There are too many helpful people here on this forum, that have "been there, done that". :)

 

[I Can Do This]

are you familiar with the term 'Co-dependant'?

Please read about co-dependence for your own sake. You are a wonderful person and it seems your heart is on your sleeve when it belongs in your chest! Don't worry so much about her - get yourself together so you can be ready for a healthy relationship. You deserve that.

 

[HighwayToHell]

Second that from me. You deserve to get as good as you give. Please look Co-dependence up.
It's about you, not her.

Good luck. Hugs and all that.

 

[anthony]

Honestly, this does not sound like co-dependence. It sounds like someone who is emotionally crushed by someone they loved, and thought was loved back, as that person walked out the door and from their life with little or no real reason / explanation.

Co-dependence requires time, years even, to really take hold. There is normally an underlying floor to the person logic and behavioural pattern to be co-dependent in the negative context.

Every person in every relationship is co-dependent upon their partner to some degree, but it is a positive co-dependence, not negative. Vast difference of the two inferences.

 

[HighwayToHell]

You should still look it up and make up your own mind Needing Guidance.