Most Valuable Lessons

[The Albatross]

Dove tailing on the above to Whitneys Story... also worth a look is the stages of change: Pre-Contemplation, Contemplation, Determination, Action, Maintenance, and Termination [DLMURL]http://psychcentral.com/lib/2006/stages-of-change/all/1/[/DLMURL]

The link uses the example of drinking behavior... but any maladaptive behavior fits. I just grabbed the first one I could find from a credible source. This article is interesting in that it identifies 4 "R's" of "pre-contemplators"...

"There are many reasons to be in precontemplation, and Dr. DiClemente has referred to them as “the Four Rs” —reluctance, rebellion, resignation and rationalization:

• Reluctant precontemplators are those who through lack of knowledge or inertia do not want to consider change. The impact of the problem has not become fully conscious.
• Rebellious precontemplators have a heavy investment in drinking and in making their own decisions. They are resistant to being told what to do.
• Resigned precontemplators have given up hope about the possibility of change and seem overwhelmed by the problem. Many have made many attempts to quit or control their drinking.
• Rationalizing precontemplators have all the answers; they have plenty of reasons why drinking is not a problem, or why drinking is a problem for others but not for them."

Some would argue that participation in a group would mean automatically that they are not pre-contemplators. I have not found this to be true... there are various reasons and pay offs for participating in a mutual aid group or "herd" that have nothing whatever to do with healing or recovery.

 

[Tanishq]

Never talk to a gossip.

gizmo, you're right. Gossips don't have full knowledge nor any realization about time and work. That's why they are called gossip? :laugh:

 

[Whitneys story]

They did me and my family alot of damage.

Gizmo this is very sad! I know we all likely have experienced at one time in life. I believe in what goes around comes around. Usually not as fast as we would like, but the timing is not our choice nor is the action. I feel it is a spiritual action returning to the sender. Sorry you and your family were mistreated.
Behemoth Hugs, Whitney:hug: :hug:

 

[Whitneys story]

@Albatross, Thank You, this is very interesting!:wideeyed:
Now to absorb....Hugs, Whitney

 

[Whitneys story]

@Albatross, Wow! So for some it is a comfort zone. Yet continuing denial enabling themselves acceptance of their poor choice.

Rather than trying to really benefit themselves? Very enlightning!

 

[Britt.f7]

I find it more challenging when a small child opens their mouth and says the darndest embarrassing thing.

Gizmo, I remember one time while walking through a department store with my husband and small child. Not sure how old he was, but he was still in a stroller. A well endowed woman walked by and as clear as day, my son said "that woman is big". I know she heard. I had my husband go to apologize to her but I think that just made things worse. I laugh about it now, but I was horrified then!

 

[Britt.f7]

When I learned through therapy that I didn't always have to be understanding. That it was okay to be mad.

My current husband was going through a difficult time and started drinking, but hiding it. I found the bottles. He tried to blame me for what he was doing, and, normally I would have accepted that. Instead I told him he is the one who chose to drink, I didn't make him do that. He could have chosen another way of coping, talking to me, etc. In some ways that might sound harsh, but I firmly believe in owning your feelings and actions. It took me a long time to get to that point in life.

 

[Whitneys story]

@Britt: I completely agree with you. Sounds like you have done some extreme self awareness. It is not easy but the rewards are outstanding!

 

[Deleted member 12723]

keep on trying and do not give up. Be determined to go forward anyway. It is scary but courage is being afraid and yet going forwards anyway.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I have a good sense of direction, I may get lost but I usually find out where I am going. I still feel anxiety when I have to find a new place.

 

[Britt.f7]

Never talk to a gossip. They are lethal and poision. It is a way for them to get mad at the person without having to take responsibility for it. Passive aggressive anger.

My stepmother is like this, yet my sister engages in this talk. I try to stay out of it and never say anything bad about who she is talking about. I don't know how my sister can think that my stepmother wouldn't talk bad about her. It's been my experience if they can talk bad about others, they can talk bad about you.

 

[p-no]

It is never too late to be who you might have been. You can change your life by acting differently whenever you want, every second, if you wish.

Some things can not be learned from thinking them through; they have to be experienced.