Most Valuable Lessons

[Whitneys story]

Many years ago I was enlightened with this lesson. We are only accountable for our own actions. We are often embarrased by actions of a loved one, friend etc.!

My second husband was an alcoholic. We were at a picnic where he proceeded to pass out face down in a plate of potato salad. I left him there. At our counciling session he had the nerve to tell the T what a B I was. The T looked at me and said you had nothing to do with his action. He did it to himself. You are not guilty!

I dedicate this to all the special friends of the Forum.

 

[The Albatross]

Hmm. I learned the lesson of empathy and personalization (not feeling for another person and taking it on as my own problem or illness). I was in AA and my dad and his sister, my aunt were both dying of cancer. I was sharing in the meeting about it and about my anxiety, fears and stress. After the meeting, an old timer who I respected came up to me and asked me, "You aren't dying are you?" I stopped stunned for a second and said, "No, my dad and my aunt are." She said, "Exactly, you would do well to remember that."

To this day, when something happens to a friend or loved one, I am careful to consider my thoughts and feelings and keep them in check. I don't rob myself of peace and calm as much anymore and am able to be more effective now that I have learned the lesson that "empathy" does not mean personalizing the experiences of someone else and ramping myself up by over anxiousness, or worry. It doesn't help them and it can start me cycling in either my depressive cycle, or fear based thinking.

 

[Whitneys story]

Hmm. I learned the lesson of empathy and personalization (not feeling for another person and taking it on as my own problem or illness).

Yes we can always be caring, we just do not need the guilt or embarrassment when we did not create the action. I wish you success in your journey! Hugs Whitney

 

[Whitneys story]

I am interested in others lessons, I should have qualified my thread more directly! Yes I am still new.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I find it more challenging when a small child opens their mouth and says the darndest embarrassing things.
Still find that one hard to deal with. It always catches me off guard. They are only speaking what they are thinking. But it sure makes things awkward.

It helps if the person being talked about has a sense of humor. Oh well. Big sigh.

 

[goingonhope]

My most valuable conclusion from my life's lessons for me is:

I must keep my focus steady on, and/or turn my focus back towards, the spiritual realm, as well as, towards my (though immature) still yet in growth, religious beliefs and for me to do so in all matters.

Anything short of this, is insufficient for me.

 

[Loner]

Oh good idea for a thread. Lets see.

First one that comes to mind is

The world doesnt revolve around you. If other people do things, its most likely due to their issues and not as a response to you. This ties into what has already been said in this thread, but I also mean it a little differently, sometimes if I make an attempt to be friendly with someone that is not reciprocated I view that as scorn and rejection, it helps to remind myself that not long ago I would of reacted the same way, not scornfully, but out of fear and being uncomfortable with the situation.

Another really good one I struggle reminding myself of, is to do things for the experience, not the outcome. I try and enjoy interaction with people just for the simple fact its enjoyable, not viewing it as a means to an end to make friends.

 

[Red Feather]

I think I am learning to do things that are good for me. I think I am only just learning this now.

 

[p-no]

I find it impossible to declare one to be the most valuable lesson. I personally believe (from experience) that healing is a combination of all the lessons and acting upon them.

One of those lessons I hold dear is the fact that everyone is "I" in their own lives and the consequences that this brings.

 

[Loner]

Thats true, although I think there can be certain lessons that are most valuable at a certain time.

One of the biggest for me is that safety and comfort aren't conducive to healing. They are desirable and tempting, avoiding pain seems like a good idea, but the only way for me to reduce my anxiety, fear, and self loathing is to get out into the world and do things that scare me and are outside my comfort zone, and see that as long as I am not an idiot in choosing the risks I take, nothing is going to hurt me like my parents did and most of my fears are inside my own head. By trying to avoid unpleasant situations and isolate inside my house, I also avoid all the joy life has to offer.

I really wish someone would of told me that when I was younger.

 

[Tanishq]

Some people may leave you as they were for a lesson in your life, but when they have loved you truly then you will always find them in your heart. I should not regret their loss, but I should choose big gratitude for them.

 

[p-no]

I agree fully. If I had not left my comfort zone over and over and did not continue to in the present and future, I would have made no progress. Because then, the progress would also have been in my head only.

My comfort zone used to be a very limited, small, tight place. It has grown by stretching it.

I, too, wish I would have taught at least some of the things that are important for life.