How I wish to just forget, leave yesterday in the past and just be happy. Before Iraq, I was good. There was nothing wrong with me. I was happy and life seen fulfilled. I was married, just started a family and was about to get a house. I had a career where I was happy. Man, how that changed! Iraq changed my life. Took my family away. Today, is as though I am still there.
A week before Iraq, my whole life changed. I found out that my then husband had been cheating on me. With the anxiety of leaving my year old son and the fear and thoughts to face the unexpected when we arrived in theater, this deployment was already a no go for me.
My nerves were already all over the place. Got to Iraq and well, hell broke loose. The mission wasn't bad but it wasn't easy either. we were attacked every other week, although distant, we could still feel it. I already wasn't sleeping with the problems at home. Then I worked in hostel area where I saw a lot. I ended up seeking counseling while in theater, I just couldn't take it anymore. My body started reacting to the stress... I started getting infections and rash... my face even began to get swollen for no reason.
I survived the deployment, but I came home to another war.
I found myself broke because my husband used all of my deployment money, no job and no where to stay. My husband took me off the lease and put all of my things in the storage because there was another woman in my house! I couldn't even see my son. I had to get a lawyer. The police was called several times because I intended to see my son who was now 2 1/2 years old. I stayed in a hotel for two weeks until I found employment and an apartment for myself.
I couldn't eat, sleep. I was alone and scared. All of my family was back in NYC. I had moved to this state because my husband was from here.
Needless to say, three years later, I am still fighting for custody... with no success or help from anyone.. no army no government.
I feel like I got punished for serving my Country and I lost everything for my Country... but my Country turned its back on me just like everyone else.
I was working three jobs at a time, so I can pay my lawyer, rent, car and everything that needed to be done for me son. I was soo depressed... I became suicidal and just wanted to give up... My son kept me alive. I didn't and don't want him to grow up without his mother. But it has been so hard! I am still soo depressed. I still don't know what happened, what I did wrong.
Why my husband left me and turned out to be soo evil and mean.
I keep going back to Iraq... I still live every scenerio that happened over there and what happened when I got back. Soon after I came back from Iraq, I was diagnosed with PTSD. I Feel as tho I am going crazy and I am not a good mother.
It feels like everythy one is against me and is out to get me. It is horrible.
I am engaged to a wonderful man who loves me for who I am... But I just can't let go of Iraq and everything that happened before and after. I am afraid I might lose him.
Medications have not helped at all...
I don't know what to do. I am really tired of fighting and feeling alone...
A week before Iraq, my whole life changed. I found out that my then husband had been cheating on me. With the anxiety of leaving my year old son and the fear and thoughts to face the unexpected when we arrived in theater, this deployment was already a no go for me.
My nerves were already all over the place. Got to Iraq and well, hell broke loose. The mission wasn't bad but it wasn't easy either. we were attacked every other week, although distant, we could still feel it. I already wasn't sleeping with the problems at home. Then I worked in hostel area where I saw a lot. I ended up seeking counseling while in theater, I just couldn't take it anymore. My body started reacting to the stress... I started getting infections and rash... my face even began to get swollen for no reason.
I survived the deployment, but I came home to another war.
I found myself broke because my husband used all of my deployment money, no job and no where to stay. My husband took me off the lease and put all of my things in the storage because there was another woman in my house! I couldn't even see my son. I had to get a lawyer. The police was called several times because I intended to see my son who was now 2 1/2 years old. I stayed in a hotel for two weeks until I found employment and an apartment for myself.
I couldn't eat, sleep. I was alone and scared. All of my family was back in NYC. I had moved to this state because my husband was from here.
Needless to say, three years later, I am still fighting for custody... with no success or help from anyone.. no army no government.
I feel like I got punished for serving my Country and I lost everything for my Country... but my Country turned its back on me just like everyone else.
I was working three jobs at a time, so I can pay my lawyer, rent, car and everything that needed to be done for me son. I was soo depressed... I became suicidal and just wanted to give up... My son kept me alive. I didn't and don't want him to grow up without his mother. But it has been so hard! I am still soo depressed. I still don't know what happened, what I did wrong.
Why my husband left me and turned out to be soo evil and mean.
I keep going back to Iraq... I still live every scenerio that happened over there and what happened when I got back. Soon after I came back from Iraq, I was diagnosed with PTSD. I Feel as tho I am going crazy and I am not a good mother.
It feels like everythy one is against me and is out to get me. It is horrible.
I am engaged to a wonderful man who loves me for who I am... But I just can't let go of Iraq and everything that happened before and after. I am afraid I might lose him.
Medications have not helped at all...
I don't know what to do. I am really tired of fighting and feeling alone...
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