Sufferer Multiple Traumas, On Going, Recent Diagnoses

[Sheer Force of Will]

I was diagnosed with PTSD 3 times before I accepted it. It took physical manifestation of the symptoms for me to even entertain the idea that my fathers physical and emotional abuse, and my mothers compliance with it and her generalized anxiety disorder had affected me at all.

But last year, on December 20th, I could no longer deny that my brothers borderline personality disorder was affecting me. He tried to kill himself at 4am the night before my first round of graduate school exams, while he was on the phone with me, so I could talk him through his final minutes. My parents knew that he was suicidal and turned off their phones. I could not reach my partner, and my roommate was out of town. I was completely alone. I still feel completely alone. I had to listen to him gasping for air until the police got there.

After that I started seeing a therapist for the first time in my life, and accepted my diagnosis, but since then, I have felt worse, not better. Since accepting my diagnosis, I have begun relieving things that happened and I cannot bear them. I can't stand to feel this way. Does this ever get better?

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[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome to the forum, Sheer Force.

I think, with time and the right care it can get better. It takes a lot of hard work and time, but it's possible. You made big progress with acceptance of your illness and getting help. And even more progress by coming here, I would start with the 'sticky' threads at the top of the forums, they are very helpful and with lots of information.

It got worse with me before it got better. This is normal I think, as your are working through everything and have to talk and share it all for the first time.



Take good care of yourself.

 

[KP the nut]

Welcome to the forum.

I am so pleased you found us. Take your time reading the articles and threads.

I am not a professional but in my experience, you do feel worse before you begin to recover and manage your symptoms. For me, it was keeping things in my mind, then I had therapy which stirred up all of the feelings and emotions. My therapist did warn me that I would continue to process information between sessions and oh my, was he right. For me, and I know others here as well, it does get better.

Post and chat as you are able.

((HUGS)) if you accept them
KP

 

[Sheer Force of Will]

Thank you both for reaching out. Lately I feel so hopeless and alone. My partner has been an amazing support, but I don't know anyone else with PTSD. I don't know if the thoughts and feelings I am having are normal or if other people have them too. I feel scared all the time, because my bother keeps trying to kill himself or calling me raging in the middle of the night, and I am still dependent on my abuser. I don't know where to turn.