Mum, Mom, Mother We All Have One

[Sammyiam]

My mother told me if I didn't come back and say the incest hadn't happened then she would make sure that my sisters and brothers would all grow up like strangers to me. I was about 15 at the time. About ten years ago I went to my sister's wedding. My mother spent the day mocking me about how I wasn't part of the bridal party etc etc. That it was almost as if they were like strangers to me.

She was not helpful.

I am so tragic. At 44 I still have a desparate yearning for a mother, a father and a family. I miss my sisters and brothers.

Hello Ms Spock,

That makes me even more tragic as I am nearly 3 years older and I so long for the same Ms Spock, I am starting to think after starting this thread and reading everyone's replies that there are so many of us in the same boat that none of us are what you say tragic and I would say the same until today that we are just a product of really shitty circumstances and mothers that for a million different reasons unbeknown to us just did a really shit job of being there for us.

I'm sorry for saying sh*t hope I don't get in trouble .... sorry but I couldn't think of another word

 

[Sammyiam]

No @Sammyiam no offence taken of course. :hug:

Thanks for the reply Junebug,

I was horrified that I may have offended you.

 

[hapysmer]

Cockroach for raid.

Never felt hate like I do for that lying piece of nothing. Liar, slut, manipulative, c**** in the worst dirties derogatory sense.

 

[junglegirl]

Funny. That is the first thing that popped into my head. This is many years after mending our relationship and she is also a sad character but mostly now I just find her funny. Good question sammy and I love that book my mom was so much fun reading it to me constantly when I was little. " I do not like them in a tree I do not like them on tv...I do not like green eggs and ham sam I am." My mom was really funny with the voice she used. She's hilarious sometimes unintentionally. Lol I love her so much.

 

[Tinyflame]

@Sammyiam , truly there is nothing you or anyone could say that would offend me- you have as much right to post as everyone & hopefully this thread will be fruitful for you & others. :tup: If anything bothers me (ever), that is my problem, not the poster's. I just meant, some people never had a female (or male) role model. I am sorry if it didn't come out right. :sorry: :tdown: :hug:

 

[Nicolette]

[notice]Please give moderators time to respond to a reported post and don't automatically assume that moderators have already reviewed the content of all posts you are reading at that point in time. There is no need to 'have a go' at a moderators judgement when reporting a post as you don't have all the facts, as in this instance, it had not been viewed by any staff. [/notice]

 

[Flossy]

Sammhylam, she can't hurt me anymore. I tried more than anyone could hope for. So...she doesn't get to have words of my pain put against the letters, she gets to have words of her wrongdoing.

I am 'no contact' and there is a box of matches sitting in the letterbox to burn any letter that comes from my hometown, without opening it.

Mother Monster
On to you...(you know I am on to you)
Troublemaking
Happy
Evil
Righteous

If you did not have the mother you needed, check out the DSM-V description of Narcissistic Personality Disorder and the one for
Borderline Personality Disorder. Or do a search for Narcissistic mothers.

These personality disorders are almost impossible to find a cure for, even if the sufferer enters therapy, which is not likely. The Narcissist is fully aware of what they do to others, even to their own children. They continue behave as they do, as their wellbeing is of paramount importance and they do not have the capacity to feel empathy.

It is highly likely you will find the answers there. Sufferers of PTSD often find they were raised in a family with one of these personality disorders present in their mother or father.

I am sure we are allowed to say shit. I read a thread somewhere last night where Anthony stated he does not consider swearing a breach of forum protocol. It is OK to swear if it is within your normal language as he recognises that it can be a pressure release.

 

[Viosinger]

Self-centered.

I love my mom very much, but our relationship isn't all warm and fuzzy. She has a terrible temper that she never controlled. We lived with double standards as a way of life. She'd scream and curse and be vulgar in public because she loves the attention shock affords her, but she wanted me to be both tough and feminine, competitive and submissive, confident and controllable.

Even now, any updates in my life must turn back to her. 1500 miles away, she genuinely expects me to shape my actions ( restaurant choice, apartment decoration) around her preferences.

I know she loves me, and I love her. I wish no I'll to her. But I doubt we'll ever have a simple relationship.

 

[y5L]

Silent.

I wish she hadn't just ignored everything that was going on.

 

[NovemberStar]

Why did I open this thread... Sigh.

I have more than one word.

"Mother" - you're a f*cking bitch who ruined my life and I hope like hell that wherever you are now you can see and feel all the pain I have ever felt caused by you (or not) and I hope it fills you with deep remorse and intense guilt. Any success I have managed in my life is not because of you, it's DESPITE you. That you've been dead for so long and STILL f*ck my life over leaves me infuriated beyond belief. Hope you're f*cking happy.

 

[Lionheart]

My mother was once a very loving and nurturing woman who eventually emotionally abandoned me and became judgmental and overly critical, So any of these words would have fit at some point in time.

 

[silkleaves]

When people talk about wanting the love of an abusive parent, or a substitute for it, I'm afraid it's beyond my understanding.

Though I do...well did this, it's beyond my understanding too. The best I can say about this though is, I really felt that she treated me the way she did because I was not worth her love. And well, I felt that way because she told me so. And so, at least as a kid, I felt like if I just tried harder she would realize she loves me. That she didn't was my own fault. Which is why, even after she kicked me out, and throughout adulthood up til 4 years ago, even after everything, I still did everything I could for her, hoping and wishing she would love me. Because I felt like..and in many ways still do, that if my own mother doesn't love me, then how can I expect anyone else to?

It's carried itself over into my relationships too...whenever a guy decides its over, I throw myself into trying to prove I'm worth being in his life and worth his love. Which only makes me look pathetic, and also I lose whatever respect any guy would have for me. And even though after every relationship I say "never again" it's always the same thing again. There's a big part of me that feels like, if I can make someone love me who doesn't want me anymore, then I don't need her love to validate whether or not I'm worth it. Like, Im trying to re-write history..to finally prove myself.

Deep down, I know she will never love me...all I hear over and again is all the times she'd say she hates me, wishes I were dead, that she never wanted to have me to begin with, that she didn't want me around anymore and kicked me out. And I still, even now, spin it around in my head...what could I have done differently. Even though on a rational level, I know its her problem and it wasn't me....every other part of me screams that everything would be better if I could just prove myself. Even as I did it, with her, with the guys in my life I tried to turn around, I knew I was setting myself up for failure..but I can't help myself, and it's very frustrating.

Anyway...for the one word to describe my mother...I'd say wicked.