ED Muscle pain & Eating - restricted calorie intake

[Ronin]

The end of Pet Semetary apparently wasn’t hilarious.

No, it was, but I *still* wanted to ask what I have, soo.

whether that could be packaged and sold

Dont that teechnically cross over to homicide though, if we are selling it to other people?

I think there’s an untapped market here worth exploring

Wasnt that whole market bout hiding that business, though?

((... am I allowed to joke about it if Im curious how your whole biz looks on tax forms?))

 

[Sideways]

Wondering how do you know it & what slows you down / alters the course before you hit it. Since when one does is a bit late.

This is probably what my T and I should have talked about at my last appointment.

It’s hard in retrospect to know. We altered my safety plan a couple of months ago when I decided that actually, I’m probably not going to take myself back to the ED again. Done with that.

She fortunately didn’t ask me about whether I still have other leftover pills after handing back the seroquel 300s at her instruction. Because I think I would be at the point now where I would flat out lie. Or at least refuse to answer.

That was one of the significant points last time round. When I started lying to my treatment team about specifics. Because I don’t usually see the point attending therapy voluntarily then lying to your T. Why show up at all, you know?

I’m in a different place. I know I have different skills. I’m putting a lot of faith in those ‘skills’, because honestly not much else has changed. No one’s currently threatening to make me an involuntary patient, which is new, and nice.

My mood is difficult to track atm. I’d say I’m getting detached. Things are funny again because I couldn’t give a f... and I know I won’t be around long enough for shit to really matter anyways. Today’s fine. Visiting mum - she needs to offload because my nan seems to on the downhill in a big way. So today will be fine. And doggo is going to the vet tomorrow and I need to make sure that happens.

Planning for next week, though? Nah. Can’t be arsed. Because when it gets too shit I’m done, you know? In the moment, it’s always a spontaneous decision. Like, “And now I’m done.” Just like that.

And I don’t know how to see that coming.

 

[Sideways]

Wasnt that whole market bout hiding that business, though?

Now I’m laughing! Thank you, that’s so brilliant!

 

[Sideways]

Avoidance strategy perhaps. Hmm. Will think on it.

 

[Gs172003]

@Sideways I don't know about you but for me being forced to cook for others as a kid, then going through what you did ( or many of us did for that matter) and being forced to do things we didn't want to do I don't think I would want to cook either. Does that make sense? Can you fix foods you don't have to cook? Like things only you liked and not your family?

 

[Sideways]

@Zoogal - it makes perfect sense. And essentially, being forced to cook for the family (one of my many tasks) came across then, and now, almost like “punishment” for being not as good as my sisters, and particularly now, as punishment for what I was enduring at school, and not coping with that well.

My parents saw me at home, behaving imperfectly (especially in comparison to my older siblings). Because they didn’t know what was going on, that was how they handled my ‘behavioural issues’. Personally I think those issues have always been overstated from my parents - I was an over-achiever with glowing school reports. I just wasn’t over-achieving as much as my older sisters. But I digress.

But the eating thing goes back further than that when I think about it. I stopped eating all the food in my lunchbox around the time of my initial trauma and the simultaneous onset of secondary nocturnal enuresis (ahem!).

Not liking eating has been going on since I was a small kid.

 

[Cypress]

Like, “And now I’m done.” Just like that.

Feeling like you are done can happen on a lot of different levels. Can you clarify? Do you have a plan for each day even if it's just :do laundry, make a dental appointment?