My Abusive Ex Won't Leave Me Alone

[Nemi]

I'm not really sure where to start this, or what I'm expecting by posting this. I guess part of me wants to vent, and part of me is desperately looking for people who have been in similar situations and who have some experience with dealing with abusive people from their pasts.

Ever since I broke up with an abusive monster (years ago!), he's been harassing and stalking me. At the very beginning it was hard to just live after all the drama and everything that happened. I became isolated and tried to ignore him when he contacted me. That worked for a while. Worked in the sense that, it didn't lead to anything worse. After a while I started gaining some of my power back and slowly tried moving on with my life.

Now, I've changed my number countless times so he would stop calling and texting me. I moved away, and I removed myself from social networking websites. He still finds me somehow. I don't know how he does it, but in this day and age, it's not very difficult to track a person down. Our private lives are pretty much on display for all to see. I certainly am not part of any witness protection programs, and do not qualify for them either, if they even exist where I live. I have no proof of anything he did to me, and people have had to deal with worse stalkers than mine, before they actually got any help.

I want to be free from him... I do want to "put myself out there". I want to mingle, and give new friends my number and email address, and I do want to be a part of a social networking site, I want to add photos of myself to a profile without being scared of him recognizing me, which he most certainly would. Is that too much to ask? I've isolated myself so much, so that he wouldn't find me, but now I'm starting to lose myself in the process. I'm scared of going out because he might be there. I'm scared of answering the phone, because it might be him.

A part of me just wants to apply overwhelming force and do all those things to the max, just to prove to myself that he's not in control of my life anymore... but sadly, he is.

 

[Srain]

I'm very sorry that you are going through and living like this, nobody should live with one eye over their shoulder. I have done it and it's horrible. To tell you the truth the only way I know is to start turning it on him and documenting every time he does. "In this day and age" you can do at least do that!! ;)

Texting is the modern form of documentation. If he wants to stalk then keep a record of it. If you see him, snap a picture of him. Get a file together and contact the authorities with enough evidence that he is stalking you. Pictures and a pile of text messages saying "I told you (how ever many years ago) to stay away from me!" say a million words. then maybe you can get some help. Ask them to help you how to keep him from getting your phone number and where you live. Get this put on his record if need be.

If you are scared to do that I truly understand. I would say that people that him feed off of fear, it's what makes him keep doing what he's doing and why. He's nothing in reality, a loser, he's only in control if you allow it. You don't deserved to be treated like this.

peace,
Rain

 

[Srain]

I am hoping you are well and taking care of yourself.

Peace,
Rain

 

[persephone87]

I agree the best thing to do is to start documenting all contact say over a week or 2 and then go straight to the police. It is stalking and it is illegal, for the online things thats known as cyberstalking and is also illegal. With regards to social networking you could google to find out how to make your facebook very secure so peoplecant find you, only people on my friends list can even find me in a search otherwise its like it doesnt exist, it also doesnt show up in google and if anyone friends of friends look at their lists I dont show up. Theres some good youtube videos or sites telling you how to keep it hidden.

Take care

Persephone