My Attempt To Reconnect

[2notbedefeated]

Thanks, pianogirl, for your reply. Even just one person helps me to feel not so alone.

I am so overwhelmed at times. My husband is so caught up with work, even when at home he still adds to my feelings of isolation.

I don't feel safe and secure here in this new place, there's always so many new and unfamiliar things that have to be done. I used to be able to rely on my husband for some of this, but right now he is just not there for me. We never have fun anymore, everything is just so serious.

I don't know, maybe I'm venting, but I feel like my family is scattered. We all live under one roof, but we are not "together" in a way. Someone correct me if I'm wrong to desire this. Where am I erring and how, if at all, can changes start taking place.

Is it unrealistic to want things to be different and to want us to do things and have fun together? Everthing and everybody is scattered.

Sometimes I feel so stranded and unable to tread the "deep water" I feel I'm in. I feel like I will never be able to work through all that stuff that needs to be worked through, so many changes I need to make in myself. Ugh it just seems impossible.

 

[2notbedefeated]

Later I want to share one good thing that happen this past week in the midst of major, if not one of the worst weeks of my life when it comes to being triggered and having flashbacks and memories flooding me.

My daughter and have had some really great bonding moments over the last fews days. This is a miracle because we used to do nothing but argue and scream at each other.

Not so much this past week. I've been able to lighten up with her and do things with her that she likes. I'll continue this thread later too, sorry, again I am being unexpectedly interupted. I wisnyh sometimes I still had m live in nanny.

Blessings to all of you. Talk more soon.

 

[skyp56]

I've been struggling with the same issues, myself: haven't been posting because I don't know what to say to others when I feel so bad. How can I comfort anyone else when I can't even comfort myself, etc.

But, seeing you back has encouraged me to start posting again, also.

Thank you for sharing
skyp

 

[2notbedefeated]

Yeap, Ditto, I guess we all just have to push through and keep plugging away. I have to believe that in those times when we are pushing through, that this is what allows us to "strengthen" that weak muscle - tearing down in order to build it up again in greater strength than before.

Ugh, not easy, that's for sure. I feel like I make oen step forward and then fall back two. One minute things look like progress is happening and then minutes later I lose it and fall apart. Argggggg, yes, it is confusing and painful and incredible hard.

One minute it looks like progress is happening in my family, in myself, and then boom, it all falls apart again. It looks like wholeness and healing is taking place and then.....

I don't know what happens, but all h*** breaks loose and I feel I have made no progress. I just gotta hope things are moving forward.

Lets hang in there together.

 

[2notbedefeated]

I said I would try to be accountable in setting up an appointment with my Doc to talk about taking something for the anxiety and depression I am struggling with. I said this over two weeks ago.

As usual I was procrastinating and hoping this depression and moodiness would go away, but it has actually gotten worse and seems to get worse as each day passes.

I finally made that appointment yesterday and will see my doc in a little over week. I am still anxious about taking something since I had worked so hard to come off all that I was on previously, but I think it is a necessity for right now with the move, and kids, and all that.......... the self-harm thing is also getting out of hand so I need to do something so I don't feel like a ping pong ball and jerked around by circumstances and such.

I hope it will help me cope alittle better with difficult situations and with my kids. I have been so out of control and crazy lately, I can't deal with that anymore. I need some "even keel" in my life. Still feel alittle guilty though about taking medication for the depression and anxiety.