General My Bf Has PTSD And Is Pushing Away Again

[Tinyflame]

To Fallen Angel,

I can only speak for myself - it seems ptsd has plagued me since traumas that began in childhood, and I am very new (-1st time writing) to this blog, but I "hear myself" in virtually every blog. It is not you that is causing the stress by showing love to your BF, if it is anything like myself it is his self-rejection that contributes to him pushing you away. I, too, feel unlovable, like damaged-goods, and it is a terrible fear and feeling to cause others pain because of this disease, when you so want to do the opposite and yet can't control it as you wish. It is frustrating and heartbreaking.

I am sure your faith in him is appreciated beyond measure in his heart of hearts (-though he probably finds it hard to believe). Know that it is the disease talking, not because of you.

 

[Vickym]

DLadi,

I know what you mean when you say when he is here in the now you get each other. When my bf is in the now and in the mood he will ask me whats it like what he is like. Ugh its hard sometimes to tell him. I dont know about your bf but mine has dated several woman before me the longest was four months. My bf has told me sometimes he says thing to me just to see how I will react. Maybe thats why you are wondering if your guy wants you to break up with him he might just be trying to see how you will react like a test. Yeah I dont like it but after being let down and used so many times I see why he does it. Hes good at it to sometimes I dont know he did this so called test until it come back in a conversation and Im like why would you say that or ask me that. All calm he says I just wanted to see how you would react. I wish you the best and hope it works out for you!

 

[regray85]

Hi all. My situation is the same as everyones I guess. My bf got so bad that after about a year and couple months he quit being intimate with me at all, didnt even want to kiss me or hold my hand. Kept making exscuses and started being angered at anything telling me I was the most annoying person. It got so painful. He finally shut me out and told me he never had deep feelings for me. I said thanks for leading me on for 2 years. I'm still so confused and hurt. I can't help but wonder if he ever thinks of me or will get help and realize he made a huge mistake. I thought we were best friends. I'm just hurt and confused and trying to do like he told me" just move on".

 

[Robyn]

Hi everyone

After 18 years of marriage and 5 years of dating (or 23 years of PTSD, 22 of it good and 1-1/2 watching it all disintegrate,) I refuse to give up on him or our history together. I know the man he is...and I want HIM back, not the empty shell that he's turned into.

I know our nieces and nephews who think of him as "Uncle Taz" want that too.

So, good or bad I intend to fight for as long as I can stand it. But, if he chooses to walk out that door, I pray he realizes that he's turned his back on the best friend he will ever have.

I will go on with life, miserable but capable, and continue to be that friend if he should ever need me.

This is the resolution that I make today. Today we've spoken a total of ten words to each other, if that many. But, I've gotten a hug today...and a kiss...and I count myself blessed.

Our youngest nephew, on the other hand, spent his second birthday without so much as a phone call from his Uncle Taz, who said he'd forgotten. On his first birthday, his Uncle Taz had an errand to run "for a few minutes" to visit a sick uncle in the hospital. A guy who has had nothing to do with him for 30+ years. My nephew's mom got a call from me, because I had to work. I didn't get to speak with him because he was down for his nap. But I'm going over tomorrow, with or without Uncle Taz, and will inwardly cry as I make excuses to a two-year-old when he asks where his Uncle Taz is.

Why am I telling you this?

To be a carer, you have to decide what you are willing to subject yourself to, possibly for the rest of your life. Once you've set those boundries for yourself, only you can decide how often you will be willing to let him cross them. When my tells me he's had enough and can't take it anymore, I respond by telling him that he's got the key...it's up to him to decide whether or not to use it. But, it's not a revolving door.

I sound pretty strong, don't I? Would that perception change for you if you knew that I am the same woman who, just last night, was sobbing on the kitchen floor and awake until past 4am because he told me we were $400+ overdrawn in our checking account...again...blaming me and the bank. Then came in, after I'd been sobbing for over an hour, to ask me why I was so upset? Getting angry about it?

My point is this...these are the extremes you will face. Today I chose to protect myself...last night I chose to confront. And, nothing I have written makes any sense in the scope of your problem.

The choice you make is yours alone. We offer examples of the good, bad and the ugly to help you see what lies ahead. Just know, in your heart of hearts, that we will listen and support whatever choice you make for yourself and that you are not alone.

God Bless you and God help us all!
Amen

<sermon ended> LOL

 

[DLadi]

Hi regray,

That sounds awful and it must have been devastating for you. The verbal abuse, while it may be the ptsd talking, should not be tolerated IMHO. You didn't mention if your bf was diagnosed, in therapy, or denial.
One point- you know when someone says "it's not you, it's me" ? That applies with PTSD. But, I think you need some healing time. I'm not sure if I would still be hanging around after all that bad treatment. I don't think I'd risk going through that again as it can be very damaging to your psyche.
Sending hugs and I hope you do something good for yourself today.