My bipolar moods (with severity)

[Changing4Best]

I feel some RELIEF, like a 5 maybe. I can see that I am jumping all around emotionally. That is pretty normal for me, actually, but I think I am doing it a bit more than usual. What is making me feel relief? Telling others about the bullying that I have endured and what I am doing to solve it. I guess they are saying I am doing the right things by exposing this guy. They are supportive. That helps!

 

[Changing4Best]

No response from the Dr. yet! I am TICKED OFF. Probably a 7 with 10 as worst.

 

[Changing4Best]

Well! Today, one of the bullies at the Senior Center greeted me by saying, "Why don't you bring your bed with you while you are at it." (I carry a pillow with me, because my Physical Therapist recommended that I do so, to ease my sciatica. I have brought the pillow with me for over a year now, but this is the FIRST time he has said that)! I was INSULTED, and although I had been about to greet him and say, "Good morning." I instead turned my head and ignored him for the whole morning. I may choose to give him the "silent treatment" from now on and ignore him entirely. I have yet to decide. He can be a really nice person sometimes and at other times he can be annoying and or even rude. He used to cuss, but got in trouble with the director of all the Senior Centers in the whole county for that, so he no longer does that. He has had several run-ins with our Senior Center Director and she sometimes has to put him in his place. They have a "truce" I think, but by no means does either of them much care for the other. I sure did not like what he said to me today!

 

[Deleted member 37085]

Definitely, as you know @SheilaKathy...this guy is a bully!:wtf::woot::bawling: with a capital B! I like how you have been reporting the bully to Senior Center staff. My experience with bullies when giving them the "silent treatment" for me...this doesn't seem to deter them:banghead:...and no, I most certainly would not speak:sneaky: to him either when he is in bullying mode. Have a God-blessed Day!:hug:

 

[Changing4Best]

I slept late today, purposefully, so as to relax and recharge the batteries. So I feel PEACEFUL and CALM at a 9 where 10 is good. I dressed in shorts and a tank top, something I cannot wear to work, something I rarely dress in, but something that felt right today. I am taking this day and making it a "me-day" and doing everything for me, to help me to feel as if I still have a life of my own sometimes. Chores like cleaning the guinea pig cage and the fish tank can wait until tomorrow!

 

[Changing4Best]

I just ordered a book from amazon:

Overcoming Trauma and PTSD: A Workbook Integrating Skills from ACT, DBT, and CBT (A New Harbinger Self-Help Workbook) Paperback – December 1, 2012
by Sheela Raja Ph. D

I have no clue if the book will be of any help or not, just wanted to do something for myself to cheer myself up and give me some HOPE. I have read a bit of it online, as much as I can read without also buying the Kindle version, but I can wait, it looks like it will be helpful anyway, so I am hopeful, which was my original intent upon buying it. HOPE is all I can lean on at this time. HOPE is something that has been in too short a supply in my life for quite some time now, so maybe this book might change all that. I sure hope so!

 

[Changing4Best]

I feel a DEEP SORROW that is actually a pain deep in my chest, due to the fact that I have arthritis and neuropathy in my hands and can no longer do my art. I used to do art when I would feel this way or a lot of other ways too, but now it is no longer satsifying to do. I just get so frustrated with the meager results that I give up and put my art supplies away. Art is supposed to be therapeutic, but for me, it is no longer so. What once gave me great pleasure is kind of agonizing to do now. It feels the same way I used to feel right after my husband died. Actually, that is not surprising, as art and the doing of art, was a very large part of my life before I could no longer do it. In many ways it WAS my life!

 

[Changing4Best]

Well, here I am, up in the middle of the night, well, late middle for me, since I go to bed at maybe 7:30 PM or so and slip off to sleep by maybe 9 PM or so if I am lucky. I am in a better mood this morning, having found an image of one of my works of art which I can share with all of you, since *I* own the copyright. Here it is:

I painted this back in 1989 if I recall. It is entitled "Divi Divi Tree" which is the kind of tree that it was. I saw it in the Caribbean on the Island of Aruba. Everything was so beautiful there. I went snorkelling on the Island of Bonaire and saw these incredible Parrot Fish. I had an underwater camera, it was a 110 mm so I bought it for really next to nothing on my way to the airport. So I was even able to photograph the fish there too. However, I don't have any of those photos any longer. They are lost back there in time somewhere.... Anyway, I am kind of in a MANIC at maybe a 7 where 10 is OK this morning. That is better than a DEPRESSION. Bipolar does that to me. Sometimes ya win, sometimes ya lose.

 

[Changing4Best]

And this is not far from where I live, so I wish I could get out more and see my area, but a las, I have no vehicle with which to do so, so I rely on public transit, which only runs on weekdays. Even so, sometimes I do get out for a nice ride, like the other day we went to Walmart, and this is the kind of scenery I get to see on the way there.... so when I do get out, I can get into a CHEERFULNESS that is like a 10 when 10 is really good.

 

[Changing4Best]

I did see a motorized bicycle for sale in a catalog that I get in the mail. It is $1,500.00! If only I could come up with the funds.... it is electric, even folds up so you can put it in a closet! Trouble is, it requires "assembly" which would probably be beyond my means, as I have neuropathy in my hands, not to mention arthritis, did I already mention that? I probably did. I tend to repeat myself and forget what I have already said. We old folks do that when time starts to steal our brain cells one by one....

 

[Changing4Best]

The 20 MPH Folding Electric Bicycle - Hammacher Schlemmer

Here is my dream bike!

 

[Changing4Best]

Church was good this morning. Then again, it usually is. An old friend sat by me since my boyfriend wasn't there. He is recently widowed and someone was sitting in his usual seat where he used to sit with his late wife. I felt so bad for him. He probably feels kind of out of place, or maybe something I cannot describe exactly. I know that when my husband died, it was awkward for awhile....

We had a sermon on PRAISING GOD, which was nice, as I had just done that this morning on my way to the grocery, when I was looking at the mountains and thinking how pretty they are. I think of mountains as God's sculptures.

I'm still in a MANIC. I called my Psychiatrist's office (their emergency weekend number) and got permission to take my anxiety medicine that is a PRN for my MANIC. So at least I am not as MANIC as I was. I told him I thought that my recent antibiotics have caused a chemical imbalance in my body and he said that, yes, they can do that. It was good to get that confirmed, I feel a lot LESS crazy now! These wild mood swings, from SI to MANIC in the same week, my goodness! No wonder. It all makes sense now. He said to keep in touch, like it is totally OK to call back and let them know how I am doing.

The medicine helped a little though, at least.