My bipolar moods (with severity)

[Changing4Best]

Thanks ladies, it has been shipped and is on its way!

 

[Changing4Best]

Today was a kind of rough day. Things got kind of messed up with transit. Then, someone I care about very much was having a tough day. Like REALLY bad. I did what I could to help that person and we smiled a lot. I was happy about that. Then, during lunch, it seemed like everyone was "pushing my buttons" if you know what that means? Like saying stuff that they knew would upset me. I did my best to ignore it and just go on about my business. Then someone who often plays jokes on me played one on me near the end of the day. All I could say was, "You know I always take things seriously." I did not know what else to say!

One thing good happened, I was able to get in touch with the local Hospital's Financial Assistance Dept. and they are sending me an application for it. The lady said it looks like I qualify. I sure hope so!!! None the less, I hate filling out forms. I put it off and put off, but really, I need to fill this one out right away and send it in, no dawdling. You can pray for that, if you want to pray for me, please!!!

 

[Deleted member 37085]

Book has been shipped and on its way...Yay!

@SheilaKathy...praying now for your financial assistance application to be accepted and that you will qualify for same. And oh I do so know and understand about some people trying to push my buttons.

However, as of late and after this ADD medication was added it seems now that my control buttons panel is so less accessible and "pushable" by the outside world. Progress.

Also, I am speaking up more assertively and with love when anyone comes into my lane and starts pushing, prodding, cajoling, and "bullying", etc. Homey don't play dat! Hoot!

 

[Changing4Best]

I found this really nice frame for my 3 paintings I did on anger. It is a vertical frame, in that the 3 are one on top of the other. So the 1st is on top, the 2nd is under it and the 3rd is under it. They look great. Now I just have a get a friend to snap a photo of it with their phone, so I can show it to all of you!

 

[Changing4Best]

My blanket is 27 inches wide now. I forget how wide it was last time I measured it, but I do know that it is now about the size of the seat of my recliner chair with some hanging over the front of the chair.

I'm working on another painting. This one was inspired by the blanket I am crocheting. It is a fun painting, very colorful.

Things seem to be going rather well in my life right now, and I can't help but think it has to do with my working on crating things again. For so long, because the technical aspects were not up to what my hands USED TO BE ABLE TO DO, I had given up on doing artistic things and crafts. That really was a BAD thing for me to have given up on. It was like a part of me DIED when I did that. That part of me is very much alive again now and never really died. It was just hibernating until my darned perfectionism got put in its place!

 

[Changing4Best]

I'm about halfway through the book. A lot of it applies, and a lot of it does not, because it is about bosses and their underlings, while this is peer to peer bullying, although I do work at the place this happened at and the bully does not, the bully is a member there. None the less, I am not his boss nor is he mine. (Thank God!)

Characteristics described have some twists to them, like when he was alone with me, he was NICE, but in the crowds or in the groups, he then bullies. "He likes an audience" as one friend of mine put it. The silent treatment. Oh yeah, he has that one down to an art. Talking about me without mentioning my name, but saying things which "people in the know" would understand were derogatory and about me. YUP. Sarcasm. Snide comments. Innuendo, gossip and backstabbing... all of it. And when I tried to warn others about him, I was suddenly the "bad guy" who back stabbed him. I never did a thing to him except tell him off finally when I had, had enough. And for that, most people side with him. "Women are not supposed to get angry," you know? Crying is the only acceptable thing for women to do. Anger, not acceptable. But MEN can be angry all they want! That is acceptable for them and thus for him. In most folks eyes, he is innocent and I am not. Especially since he has said I have wronged him, but no one will say just HOW that is, so I have no way to defend myself.

 

[Changing4Best]

I looked up the website in the back of the book, but it no longer exists. Oh well....

 

[Changing4Best]

I went to the Dr. about this finger nail bed infection, a Dermatologist. He said he had no idea what is causing it. Great. Now what! Something is causing it. There is pain, discomfort, redness under the nails, the nails are separating from the fingernail beds on 3 of my nails and someone I come into contact with often seems to be developing it too. UGH! I have an appointment with my general practitioner in January. I hate the thought of having to wait that long! And what if she has no clue either. A friend suggested that it could be some kind of parasite. DOUBLE UGH!!! She thinks that someone may have brought it to town when they came here from overseas for the Total Eclipse of the Sun during the summer. That sounds somewhat logical, but it is still GROSS!!!! Also, by now, it is ALL OVER MY HOME. My fingers touch everything. How would I ever get rid of it?!? I am so upset. Your average person probably would not catch it, because unlike me, they don't have a weak immune system. I do have one, because of Lyme Disease. I have had it since 1985 or so, we think. That is when I got the rashes.

 

[Changing4Best]

I have a snow day off today. A time to rest. Unfortunately my first hopefully real day of therapy, as opposed to being interviewed, was supposed to be today. However, since Transit is closed for the day, I have no way of getting there, sigh. It seems like forever to get my Trauma Therapy going! I am so frustrated. I have an appointment next week, at least, so that is good.

I hate it when Dr.'s offices don't answer, it so reminds me of the Dr. I dumped in favor of this new one. I thought things would be different, but it looks like the same old same old. I guess I will stay with the new one though. She is computer savvy and my old one was not. You have to be able to be up on all the latest developments, which are available best by computer, as far as I know. My old Dr. confessed that he was not up on all that. This new one is fresh out of Grad school and most assuredly is.

 

[Changing4Best]

About the possibility of me having some kind of awful disease in my fingers, or a parasite or something, I know that sounds awfully gross to a lot of you and you might think of me as a filthy person, to even believe that I might have something of the sort. I do need to clarify one thing. On the day of the Total Eclipse of the Sun, last summer, I volunteered at my church. I was the greeter in the Sanctuary and it was my job to stamp everyone's "Totality Town Passport." I probably stamped at least 500 of these! Maybe more.

So it is not an outrageous idea that in all that handling of things that others had touched, I might have come into contact with something yucky. I do want to assure you that I wash my hands often. I do so in part because my immune system is depleted from the Lyme Disease I have. Now you might wonder how I got that. I used to mountain hike. I would go on day trips up to the tops of mountain summits and have lunch up there. Then I would hike back down the mountain.

Deer ticks carry the Lyme Disease. These ticks hang out in the woods and in the mountains. Way back in 1985, when I got the disease, no one had heard of it yet, except the unfortunate folks in Lyme Conn. where it had started. So I took no precautions against it, because I knew nothing about it. It was just something that some hikers got. Hiking mountains makes one more prone to getting it than usual folks, but really anyone can get it if they walk in the grass barefooted or something. So be careful. You never know....

 

[Changing4Best]

I want to say that I rarely go out on the Forum any longer and visit with anyone. I have been too messed up to feel comfortable doing so. None the less, I did a bit of it today and felt OK about it. I also am into PCing, so if you want to be in touch with me, feel free to either chat with me here or PC me.

 

[Changing4Best]

About my cover photo, it is a scene I photographed that is about 45 minutes from where I live. I wish I had been able to hike it, but I am not up to doing that physically any longer, being in my mid-60s in age. None the less, I can still, and always will, appreciate the beauty of the mountains. I never tire of gazing at them.