I finally got into my therapy today. YAY! It went good. She says we will not yet dive into my traumas, because I need to learn and develop some coping skills first. Emotions plague me a lot, in fact, that is the subject of much of my art. Doing a piece on FEAR today, as we discussed it in session and a concept of it and an image came to me on my way home. I am maybe going to be doing a series of these on this emotion, not sure yet. It is a strong emotion in my life, a recurring one. I often worry a lot about the distant future. Tomorrow is something I think I can handle, but 20 years from now. UGH!!! I know that worry is a useless waste of time. However, since my dear mother was often worried about things, it is a habit I cannot seem to totally lose. I hate worry! I wish I did not do it at all. However, it sneaks up on me and my mind races off with it, before I even realize what is happening. So we worked on that a bit. She taught me how to "stop a thought." There are several methods. One is to clap when you want to startle your mind away from that train of thought. Another is just to say to yourself in your mind, "Stop!" I had kind of thought that, "Stop, we're not going there." was one way to do this. We being "me, myself and I" a concept that my father gave to me, by way of example. He used to always use the pronoun "we" when discussing himself, so I wanted to clarify that, as someone might think I am plagued with multiple personalities, which I am not. The therapist agreed that I am not, have not been diagnosed with that. I explained why I use "we" meaning myself sometimes and she understood.
Anyway, when I was a child, my parents were always freaked out if food got wasted. This is because they grew up during the Great Depression (financial, not mental). So I always had to eat everything on my plate. To this day, I have to be really careful not to serve myself too much food, because if I do, I end up eating it, even when I do not need it. I am on a medication that causes weight gain, so this is very important for me to keep track of.
Case in point, I dished out too much food for lunch, and even though God told me to leave the last 2 bites, I could not. I just could not let it go to waste. It was some pecans and they are soooo... good, that I just could not let them be wasted away. Oh well. Next meal is another story, I hope. I shall try to be careful when I dish out my supper!
