General My Children

[Jimmy1]

Below is a something my 16 year old step-daughter wrote on her facebook wall.

I am so lucky I had an army dad growing up . It is really good that he yelled at me and was strict and bossy . It really helped my skills at work. I can take orders and I can take being yelled at. So thank you daddy. You really helped me grow up right.

I told her that the strict and bossy was ok, but the yelling was totally unnecessary, as I was sick. She did not care, and just said it was good for her.

I don't want her to be a mother who constantly yells at her children as she thinks it is ok. How do I explain this to her???

:confused:

 

[anthony]

I think it will be hard until she can see for herself the negative consequences to the yelling. Being able to be yelled at and then thinking it achieves something and doing it yourself... different logics.

 

[Nicolette]

I don't want her to be a mother who constantly yells at her children as she thinks it is ok. How do I explain this to her???

IMHO yelling is usually due to frustration. A boss who yells is frustrated some work is not getting done or something is wrong, a parent yells at a teenager they can't reason with.

Maybe if you tell her that yelling is actually a 'symptom' of an underlying issue and, while it is does happen, a better parent would work on the underlying issue so that yelling doesn't occur (as it can be deemed 'abusive') and while it didn't with her, it can cause self esteem issues (hell, I know that one) which I am sure she wouldn't want for her children.

 

[abnvet]

Interesting. I'm going through some things with my 18 year old daughter now. She lives with her mother and visits me. She says that she is thankful that I've been the one who has been strict with her as her mother hasn't. Yes, I've yelled at her from time to time and she believes that this has made me the strict parent. I think that I could had accomplished the same with her if I hadn't yelled at her over the years yes. But hey it has worked......I'm not proud that my anger at times takes over and I've been working on that.......

 

[Jimmy1]

Well, I was told off by my other kids. I took it the wrong way. haha.
What she was really saying is that she is glad to have a dad like me. She was basically saying thank you and it was my low self esteem and opinion of myself that caused me to find what was wrong with her statement and not accepting what was right with it.

You see, I was her step father. Her mother and I have been divorced for nearly three years now, but all her children still call me dad. Nice hey.

Jimmy