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General My Combat Vet Is Now In Denial And Won't Seek Help...?

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HollyB

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My sufferer was flagged for PTSD upon his return from his most recent deployment. At first, he seemed to agree with, or at least understand, this flag/diagnosis. He was also open to seeking help. However, later he said he disagrees with it, in part because they included a flag for chemical and alcohol dependency, which he staunchly believes he doesn't have (and quite frankly, I don't think he does either). It's unfortunate that because they missed the mark with one flag, he's also denying the other.

As an outside observer, it seems pretty clear that he's experiencing symptoms of PTSD and in fact suffers from it. Most recently, they include:
  • Nightmares
  • Flashbacks
  • Trouble, fear, anxiety in crowds
  • Explosive anger that quiets just as quickly as it exploded
  • Depression, crying himself to sleep (this is rare, but it happens, and when it does, he isolates)
To his credit, he's fairly open about how he's feeling in the moment, or how he was feeling if we weren't physically together. He's not very detailed, but he gives me enough to understand ("I wasn't comfortable in that crowd" or "I was really depressed last night, and just stayed in").
I have taken the PCL-M PTSD Checklist, answering the questions based only on what he's told me (and knowing that what he's told me is likely just the tip of the iceberg), and it's clear to a layperson that he has PTSD.
BUT, who knows? Maybe he's just...adjusting? How do any of us really know that it's PTSD and not something else?
As an FYI: He was betrayed in a horrific manner in the last month of his deployment, leaving him doubting and being untrusting of people and life, and wondering whether his mission in Afgh was all for not.

Also, he is in the Reserves, and returned from deployment without a civilian job/career, and still doesn't have one. This is also understandably making him even more depressed and nervous and wondering what he's doing with his life.

I recently suggested that we work together to find someone for him to talk to, to work through and process his feelings - particularly the depression. He said absolutely not, that he would not want that on his record, that it would prevent him from promotions, SF, etc. I am a civilian, so I have no idea if that's true or not, regardless of whether it's for depression or PTSD.

I'm not sure I have a specific question. Any input is greatly appreciated.
 
Hi Holly.

My hubby was in Afgh for a long time, and suffers with PTSD too. Right now I feel like I'm fumbling along blindly, trying to do the best I can and making lots of mistakes. I wish I had some advice to offer you, but all I have is empathy.

I guess one thing I do know for certain is that we must take care of ourselves. We cannot be strong for our partners unless we keep ourselves healthy...which I'm learning the hard way :rolleyes:
 
I am active duty military and am currently seeking help from mental health on base for PTSD and depression, medications, and therapy. It will not interfere with his career, they are there to help and assist. They may take him off of an upcoming deployment but it's almost always temporary, 3-6 months. I am still able to work with weapons on a daily basis and am very well supported by my supervisors and commander. It also will not interfere with ranking or promotions as long as he is still doing his job. Seeking help was the best thing I did and it has helped my career so much more than pretending that I don't have any problems for fear of losing my career.
 
Also there is military one source which can find a therapist in your area that you can go to for up to 6 months, undiagnosed, free of charge and off the record. I started with that before I went on base for medication and more help.
 
That's interesting to hear tll, I really didn't think that was the case at all?

I'm glad that you are getting the support you need and that it isn't affecting your career. It seems to be a very real concern that a lot of military personnel have :(
 
My husband was recently discharged from the reserves due to PTSD and therefore no longer fit for overseas deployment (Australian Army). After a military career spanning 30 years, 25 in the regulars,then 5 in the reserves, he was crushed. His PTSD went into overdrive and he refuses to seek treatment other than his monthly psych appointment where he turns up, has a chat, makes out he is ok. He hit rock bottom 7 years ago after 4 deployments and was diagnosed then, got treatment, was a lot better, then his counsellor went overseas. He refused to start again with a new one. He works for DVA and assists vets everyday but doesn't practice what he preaches. Our marriage has crumbled and still he pretends there is no issue with him. I don't know what to do anymore other than what I have done, left him to sort himself out.
 
My husband refused to have issues for loads of years. He is not addicted to drugs or alkohol. But it is common, that they can turn to it. If he still talks about feelings it's a good sign. Often they don't feel anything than anger anymore.

that he would not want that on his record, that it would prevent him from promotions, SF, etc.
What is more important? His job or his health?

If he leaves the army and wants to claim something it would be good to have it in his record.
 
He's now at a point where he's not comfortable sleeping in bed with me, or in a bed at all. He sleeps on the living room floor, fully clothed, watching war movies. He said he's not comfortable around anyone, me included. :(
 
Holly...if he doesn't feel comfortable with himself, how can he with other people? War movies....I know that one... It does not have anything to do with you personally
 
myvetswife: What's confusing is that he's comfortable being with his family, but not me. I understand I'm not family, but we are very close. For the first time last night, he said, "You want me to open up. I can't. I won't." He's never been unable or unwilling to open up before.

As for wanting to watch and fall asleep to war movies, I actually get it, I think. I don't take that personally.

What bothers me is having him wake up from sleep, get up from bed, and go to the living room floor. Alone.
 
My husband hasn't told me much about his deployment. I know a few gritty details that only came out because of explosive arguments between us. I think in their mentality, they are trying to protect the ones closest to them (you) because they've already seen the horrors of war. They know it's awful and would rather not expose you to it, too.

He may not be ready to find help but he does have PTSD symptoms based on what you told me. I completely see why he doesn't want people to diagnose it if he wants to continue his career in the military. But if he wants to go to SF, how can he protect his platoon if he isn't mentally stable? I wonder how you could put that without making him upset... I haven't had experience with my husband wanting to "relive" his deployment but I hear that a lot of veterans do. They want to go back, they volunteer to deploy, they watch war movies at home... They're addicted to the adrenaline rush. They know what to do in those situations. But then they come home and those skills at war are not useful here, nor is the war-like behavior socially acceptable.

The brain physically changes with PTSD and pretty soon, all his thinking goes immediately to the "survival mode" section of the brain. It's like when a mother's child is threatened-- they go mama bear instantly. Now imagine having to go into "mama bear" mode every day, using your anger to fuel you when you're being shot at. They're taught to harness their anger, that anger is good. So, anyway, imagine being angry every day of your life and then going to a safe environment. Don't you think that would be difficult for you to turn off? Especially when he has had three tours of having to be angry, protect his friends, never knowing if today is the day you die. You spend so long becoming one person and then suddenly everything changes. It's bound to be disconcerting.

I'm sorry if that was blunt or harsh. I don't mean for it to be!!
 
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