My Daughter Got Beat Up By Her Husband Last Night While She Was Asleep

[Deleted member 12723]

I realize there are going to be alot of ups and downs. I think Ms Spock it is emotional release. She has been running on pure adrenalin. Now the crash. I will call her tommorow. She has so much to do. She and I both thought it would be a simple matter of her dropping her papers off. This court is so complicated compared to the other court.

At least she knows how to get there now. I have to talk her into hiring a sheriff to serve him at work. She has to serve him. Otherwise the protective order is not any good.

She has to call her utilitiy companies and explain her situation. She is falling apart. She is not sleeping. She needs some medication to help her sleep. I am so worried about her.

I so want good things for her. I am so glad she has sworn off men. All three of her marriages ended because the men were sick and controlling. She has been through so much. But this guy is the worst. She has been amazing. I think she cannot sleep in her bed because he hit her while she was sleeping.

I am so grateful that he is staying away and leaving her alone. She has dealt with him in a I mean buisiness fashion. She never did that before.

I hope it stays that way. I hope he just accepts this and leaves her and the kids alone. It has destroyed his nice guy image. Now he has to go to court and face up to what he has done. I know he will plead not guilty. The image of him beating on her and she was trying to fend him off horrifies me.

She will have to live with this one the rest of her life. I am glad it is in the order that he has to pay the mortgage. She needs a income. I hope welfare will assist her. I hope they do not have rules that make it impossible for her. I hope they do not want her to be putting in applications for jobs every day. She does not need that right now.

My heart just breaks for her and her daughter. My stepdaughter was married once and she found a really good guy.

My daughters husband has so much junk to get rid of. He has a junk car he was in the process of restoring and he quit on that. He will have to get it out of there.

It really gets to me that he does not admit to what he has done. He is such a lowlife.

 

[ms spock]

If she has an advocates from a domestic violence organisation that might assist gizmo. Does her psychologist or psychriatrist have any connections in those areas?

A legal advocate can help her navigate through the complexities of the situation.

Even if she isn't up for these ideas now gizmo it can be good to keep these as back up ideas for later on.

It is good information to be aware of that she has had relationships with three sick and controlling men. I hope she can work on this in therapy to break that down and restore herself. It would be good to break down the patterns about this. I wish her and you well.

Getting a sherif to serve the order asap I guess is your first priority of business. I can't believe that she has to do that herself, but it is different in the states I know to what we have in Australia.

 

[HOME ALONE]

The best medicine I can recommend is to simply do what you are doing. I find my PTSD goes into sleep mode when my children are in severe crisis, like Aoto-Pilot. Know that when it is all quiet and your body permits you to feel the pain, you are not alone. Find strength in knowing that they are very fortunate to have YOU for a Mother.

I feel worthless at times. My children prove me wrong.

Take Care of yourself. You seem like a very kind woman.

 

[anni]

You really, really are doing the best you can, as is your daughter. The thing is, it IS enough plus all the right things. I'll bet she's wiped out, it's been 24/7 mental, physical and emotional energy drain of the type no one is ever prepared to have to deal with. It's plain, old going to take her body some time to catch the heck up with all the kookoo, unprescedented activity which has been transpiring lately. She/it will, although of course meanwhile it's going to be terribly worrying watching her go through all the manifestations of stress.

Try not to allow your head to start making you even more upset, trying to make sense of anything he does or has done. You're SO kind, and so normal in your thinking ( so human ) that people like him might just as well be aliens. You'll never be able to understand him, or anyone who behaves like he does. Trying to do so only wears you out by engaging even more of your badly needed emotional energy, you know? Contain your energy for yourself and your family, allow this veritable roach of a person to spin out his own story. He also doesn't deserve your attention even in negative thought patterns. No, it's not easy to disengage your head from thinking about 'him him him him', it's just a kindness to yourself to try.

Hugs as always, please feel free to disregard any posts from me you find annoying :) , go straight to the 'hug' part. Everyone is different, who on earth knows what each of us finds helpful.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

anni, you are not annoying at all. i so appreciate your posts, so no worries.

Ms Spock a woman from domestic violence at the police department did call here and left a phone number. My daughter is not interested. I am hanging onto her number just in case she changes her mind.

Thank you for your support. It keeps me going. She is crashing. I will call her several times today to keep in touch and try to build her up. She is not sleeping. I think she should try to sleep on the couch because I think it is traumatic to sleep in her bed where she got attacked.

She has so much to do. She is so exhausted and is not doing what she should be doing. If it was me I would take all of the help I could. I would get a lawyer and contact domestic violence for an advocate. But she is really independent and does things her way.

I am sure she is feeling like a failure and it is not her fault. She is a perfectionist and is very hard on herself. I cannot do anything about that. She will still keep going to therapy though and I think that is very good. I think she needs to go to her psych doc and get sleeping pills.

I am trying to talk her into these things. I will have to be stronger and impress upon her the importance of doing these things.

I am trying not to worry. When he moved out before she did not do very good. But alot is required of her. I also think she needs to serve im asap.

I can only try to talk her into it. She has never been hit before. It makes a huge difference. Her face looks better but she has a lump on her jaw. She probably should have gone to the hospital.

I hope today is a better day for her. I am troubled that she is not sleeping it wears a person out so.

She has to call the utilities and explain her situation to them. She has not done that either. She tries to take naps during the day. She is so wound up. I can suggest that I go with her to welfare. She really needs to do that. i offered to pay another payment on her car and she turned me down and said she would be ok.

She is really smart and bright and knows how to handle things. My heart goes out to her. My heart is broken over what has happened to her.

 

[Whitneys story]

Gizmo, I have not been able to catch up on all the aspects! It came to mind he may try to enter the house to get his things.

Once the order is served he will be advised he has to have the police with him. No matter what I would have the locks changed. Safety!

For your daughter, please reinforce she is doing the right thing for everyone. She is the victim. Self doubt has it's way of trying to take hold. He is very ill minded and not rational. His only clear thoughts are protectin himself and monetary interest.

Yes I have worn her shoes. I had to live with a body guard for too long. I read where you stated she had to tell him where she is. This does not sound right to me.

Have you been able to read what the order says? I am hoping this is a misunderstanding how she took it.

Please take care of your needs as well. Have you considered the new electric cigarette?

Sending you and yours clarity. The system is hard to understand when we are in the emotion stage. One can never ask too many questions. Behemoth hugs, Whitney

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Good news. My daughter actually slept last night. She is feeling alittle better. She agreed to call the sheriff about serving him the papers. Also she will take the number of the lady from domestic violence and call her for help.

She called the mortgage company and they will work with her. I am so glad about that. It would be better if she could stay in the house as long as possible. They have so much going on.

Whitney thanks for the thoughts and tips. She changed the locks the next day after he got arrested. They are really good dead bolt locks. She even added one to her back door so she is completely safe as far as that goes.

She will go back to court to file for divorce. I have still to talk her into getting a lawyer. She needs one as he is getting one.

She will call the utilities later on.

She sounds so much better. She will go and get a better phone this morning. She has a car pool for the little girl so she will have to pick them up this afternoon.

The girls are doing so much better with their old routine back. I am so proud of her. I am glad she is listening to me.

So things are progressing along. I am so glad she is listening to me. It is good to be in touch with her more.

He was keeping her away from me and she was protecting me from what was going on. I will pay the fees for the sheriff to serve him. I really hope he kept his job because she does not know where he is and neither one can contact the other because of the protective order.

Thank God he is staying away and leaving them alone. That is the best part.

Thank you all for your words of support, it is keeping me going.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Well my daughter talked to the sheriff and tommorow she has to drop off the paperwork for the protective order at the sheriffs office and they will go to his work to try to serve him. We do not know if he still has his job or not. But we are hopeful. He was not in jail that long, less than twenty four hours.

I sure hope it works out. Because if he lost his job, we do not know where he is. I do not know what she is going to do if he lost his job.

She will have a busy day tommorow. Her face is beginning to feel better. She does not have a black eye anymore. Her jaw still hurts. I wish she had gone to the doctor.

The girls are doing good. They are getting along well and are calm and back to normal, as normal as it can be.

She will get a court date for the permanent restraining order.

Thank you so much for your support it is keeping me going. I still feel fear after all. I had called her and I got her voicemail, and was a little scared.

He is still staying away thank goodness.

I think tommorow she will go to welfare and apply for aide and assistance and medical for her daughters. She still has to file for divorce. I cannot wait until that happens. I will be so glad when this is all over. What an ordeal.

 

[anni]

Oh my, she is one contained, intelligent and resolved woman. I wonder where she could have gotten all of that? :) It may be tough for the PTSD head to accept compliments, but she's had some help growing into someone who can deal with crisis SO well.

He does sound like one of the bullies who retained enough sense to also be intimidated by a show of sheer force from others. Thank goodness for small miracles, but gosh, nice to know he's going to be one of them, not a even more of a kook.

I realize it's not 'over', but it's better with so, so much at least under her control now, your daughter moving forward. I'm SO sorry you're all having to deal with all this dreck. We're here, as you've seen. Still praying, still checking in, hope some hugs also help.

DO take care of yourself, too, ok? (((((((Hugs)))))))

 

[Eleanor]

What once helped me most in processing a trauma was a friend on the phone calling and saying "How are you" and when I said "I'm ok." He said, "You know, you don't have to be ok." Because I wasn't. And that needed to be ok for a while. Don't know if that will come in handy for you, but the time may come when she will need to know she doesn't need to be ok ALL the time.

And neither do you, dear Gizmo.

Sleep is key.

Prayers and positive energy for you and your daughter and her girls coming from here...

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Thank you anni for the compliments.

I am crossing my fingers and praying he still has his job so he can be served.

As for a bully that respects a show of sheer force, when he was arrestes and his guns confiscated there was alot of police there. I think it made am impression on him to have to go to jail even though he there less than twenty four hours.

My daughter is doing better. I think the sleep is helping her.

I am taking care of myself. I have been getting alot of breaks and I will get my nails done on Friday and go over to my dauhters house on Saturday. Hopefully my husband will stay at home again and I will really get a break.

If he lost his job he will not get served as we do not know where he is. Thanks for the hugs. I can use all of them that I can get.

Thank you so much for your support. Hugs.


Thanks Eleanor for your support. I so appreciate it. I will pass that on to my daughter that she does not have to always be ok. And I will keep that in mind for myself too. I am nervous today. I sure hope he gets served today.

I have been sleeping good, but my daughter has not been.

Thanks guys for the prayers they are helping. Hugs.

 

[safenow]

a woman from domestic violence at the police department did call here and left a phone number. My daughter is not interested. I am hanging onto her number just in case she changes her mind.

I hope she really did follow through and call her. They can help her do all those things she needs to do in a much faster way than she can do herself. You raised her well, and I'm sure that is why she is as strong as she is.

Remember, you both are loved, and many people care about you, gizmo. I agree that she needs to hear that it's okay to not be okay for a little while. She's going to fall apart when the reality that she is finally free hits, and that's normal. I'm glad she has you to be able to do that.

Keeping you in our prayers.