My Daughter Was Threatened... Need Advice

[Heather]

My daughter experienced a trauma where we used to live. From the girl upstairs.

That girl still is talking shit about my daughter a year and a half later.

I don't pay much attention to tween drama BUT this really worries me:

That girls mother told her if she sees my daughter she wants her to beat the shit out of her.

This is no longer kids talking this is an adult encouraging her kid to cause bodily harm to mine.

What do I do? Friend that told my daughter this backtracked and when asked said she didn't hear that conversation... So we have no corroboration.

Advice much appreciated.

Thanks

 

[Casey_03]

Do they attend the same school? If so, I think you should definitely inform someone at the school.

 

[Friday]

Is this the same family you & your daughter used to flip off while driving by, and harass in other ways? If so, it would make sense that the parents would give their blessing in advance to knock your daughter on her ass if she was continuing the harassment at school. It's also unlikely new, just the first you've heard of it. Which, since there hasn't been an escalation of violence, I wouldn't worry about too much. You've probably said much the same to your own daughter? That if someone comes at her, she has the right to defend herself? Same sort of thing.

 

[Heather]

They DO NOT go to the same school and haven't in 2 years. When we would drive by their house they weren't outside. I haven't been to that neighborhood in over 8 months...can't stomach going there.

No it is not the same thing her mother told her if she saw my daughter to go ahead and beat the shit out of her. I've never once said to my daughter if she sees that girl she should beat the crap out of her.

My daughter doesn't talk about this girl....she wants to forget.

She continuously harasses my daughter... Telling mutual friends all kind of shit about my daughter.

My daughter doesn't do that.

 

[Heather]

But you can have your view point about it @Friday. And I also don't have to agree

 

[Casey_03]

It might be worth enrolling your daughter in some self-defense or martial arts classes, if that's something you can do. Not even to defend herself against this girl, but in general. Martial arts can be VERY useful in helping someone overcome trauma. And if your daughter is being harassed and bullied, it would also help her learn to deal with that, both mentally and physically (and I don't mean it would teach her to fight or hurt people -- it would actually teach her how to rise above that kind of nonsense, but also give her confidence in case someone does try to physically attack her).

Also, if it's any reassurance, if this girl did actually attack your daughter, I don't think she'd be able to cause much damage. And in the process she'd just give you plenty of evidence to get a restraining order.

 

[Deleted member 541]

Hey @Heather Kids can be cruel, but when parents get involved it can be down right awful. It's apparent to me that this family isn't too intelligent, and you can't teach stupid. My advice would be to contact your daughters school. Explain the situation. Even though the other girl doesn't go to the same school, she may still be within the same schools district. The schools may come up with an idea to solve this with conflict resolution.

I don't believe that having your daughter take self defense classes is a good idea, IMO all that does is tell her it's ok to fight. If it was just so that she could learn self defense, that's a different story. Conflict resolution with kids is a much better way to go.

If this doesn't work, then I would suggest calling the police and having them get involved. It doesn't matter which kid started this issue, it only matters that it doesn't escalate into something more....

 

[Heather]

@She Cat. I did speak to the woman at pupil services from the board of ed. She's wonderful. She knows all about the situation.

She said she's glad they don't go to the same school anymore and not to let her go back to that neighborhood... Which I haven't.

She did suggest going to the police and get it on record. Idk if I want to do that...I've calmed down and waited to see how I felt this morning...the panic has subsided.

We tried self defense awhile ago. Its not her thing. .she's taking ballet now.

If I truly think about it the risk of that girl doing anything is low. I've only seen the mom 2x since this came out. It was in target.. I need to stay out of there. My daughter has never seen either and we live in the same community.

 

[Heather]

My only worry is if this girl got ahold of my daughter (she weighs 105lb) that girl outweighs her by 40 lbs. But I'm trying not to think like that...it makes my anxiety sky high

 

[The Albatross]

I think that there's been quite enough "information" that has been passed from that neighborhood to either you or Nicole. Though you relocated, the ties to that neighborhood have been feeding the stress and anxiety for you both for far too long.

There is no "real" threat here because it is second hand... not direct. But confer with the school and the shrink to see if there's anything to be done. Which I doubt because it sounds to me like hearsay.

You did do a threat assessment, "If I truly think about it the risk of that girl doing anything is low." so I'd bring my head back around to that and then manage the stress/anxiety.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@Heather If you are really worried, then I would go to the police and explain things. You already have involved the school and they have documentation so that's on your side also. Just try and remain as calm as you can. Over thinking can get us into some serious shit with anxiety. Sometimes we tend to make things worse than they are with our anxiety. I'm not saying there isn't an issue as I am only hearing what you are saying. But, I know how PTSD can make us THINK that things are worse than they really are.... Breath!!!

 

[Heather]

Yes I think you are both correct @She Cat and @The Albatross.

I panicked and my anxiety got the best of me. I will wait to talk to the therapists and go from there.

I'm much calmer today as I've been focusing on everything to do to get ready for school. Distraction is a good thing.