My Diploma Film

[Red Feather]

I've been wanting to share this for a while now. It is a video art piece I made more than a year ago and I presented it for my Diploma Exams in Fine Art. I got one of the best grades in my year. :D

I would really appreciate any feedback on it. Especially when it comes to the ideas of form vs. no form, boundaries, and identity, which may or may not remain defined or fixed. This is what interests me most in my artistic practice, as well as the connection trauma has to the process of finding a sense of self and a connection to the body.

When I made it I didn't know anything about PTSD or what Dissociations are for that matter.
It is pretty autobiographical and not always easy for me to share, especially to the public. That is why I will be deleting the link and turning the video setting to private again after 6-7 days.

This time I am also quite nervous showing it. :x3:

Thanks for watching! Oh and please turn your volume up and make sure the settings are on full image, so the image fills the screen. :)

*** I've edited the link out now. Just PM me if you still want to see it.***

 

[Sheer Force of Will]

Wow, Nadia, that was really interesting. I loved how much you were able to say with just using the lighting and your soft voice. You have a really pretty voice, and this was a really well thought out video. It was amazing that you did this before you knew you had PTSD, because it so references how we feel as a group. This is really powerful. Thank you so much for sharing this.

 

[Red Feather]

Thank you so much for your comment. I would really like to find a way to continue with my work. I even wanted to do a PhD. Now that I learned so much about PTSD, my perspective on things have changed, but I think for the better. I am also learning so much on the forum. I still have to figure out in which context such a film can be presented. It is very intense for a lot of people. And mostly women have approached me about it and said they were very moved.

Here are some pictures of the exhibition space. I am really proud of it. :) It was only installed for two days and then I had to bring it down. It was so hard for me as I had worked really hard on it.

 

[anthony]

I'm not an artist... thus I really didn't get it at all. Sorry.

 

[Red Feather]

Well, I did get varying forms of reaction to this. It tells me a lot about the viewer and I think hearing about the reactions, helps me to understand where the political nature of the film can have it's effect, or not. I am definetely okay that you didn't "get it" in anycase.

And thanks a lot for giving me your feedback.:)

 

[rainy_daze]

Hello Nadia. I watched your video when you first loaded it (with headphones in and full screen), but felt I needed to wait a while before sharing my opinions of it. I wrote down some of the sentences you said in the voice over, as they impacted on me very greatly. I might take them along to therapy with me, if it is ever appropriate to do so (I found they brought things up for me, or that I related to them so much I should really think about why they impacted upon me to that level). As you value your privacy, I will not post the sentences here, but I have them written down. I am no artist, I really wish I was, so I can only judge what I watched from my subjective world. This is what your video made me feel:

I felt suffocated. I felt like I did not breathe properly until the video ended.
I felt anxious.
Myy heart was racing.
I longed for the glass to break - I hated the water being so contained. I hated that water - I hated that glass.
I felt scared.

I am not sure I liked it because of those reasons. I did not really notice the light changing, my eyes were constantly fixed upon the water, and how it moved now and again (like a ripple). I think if you were trying to provoke strong negative emotions in people, then you were succesful in your endeavour.

I've been wanting to share this for a while now. It is a
I would really appreciate any feedback on it. Especially when it comes to the ideas of form vs. no form, boundaries, and identity, which may or may not remain defined or fixed.

I think I understand that the boundary part of you work is the glass, the form part is the water, but I did not understand the identity part at all - unless that was the voice over? She sounded desolate. I did not feel like that tone changed much. If I could watch it again, I would maybe concentrate more on the light changing, but overall I found it very emotive, like I said. I suppose art is not always meant to induce joy or uplift you. I like that Anthony did not get it, and I wonder if you have had similar responses from anyone else? It would be interesting to know how many people connect with it and how many people do not, and the reasons behind this. (It is like looking at the Mona Lisa, I guess - to be honest, I just did not think it was great at all, I was disappointed seeing that painting, which is just an opinion. I was more fascinated by the people who were excited to see it, rather than the painting itself.)

Well done on your grade Nadia, thank you for sharing something personal, and good luck for your future creative work.

 

[Red Feather]

I am no artist, I really wish I was, so I can only judge what I watched from my subjective world. This is what your video made me feel:

Hi rainydaze, thank you sooo very much for your feedback, especially from people who have nothing to do with art. It is great to hear such an indepth reaction. I'm sorry it brought out the negative emotions. I can not say why this happened. Many people have had similar reactions. Some others felt very moved and cried, and appreciated the work greatly. I can be honest and say that for the most part, women had a positive reaction and also gay men. But this is obviously not always the case, and I have not shown the film to enough people to really discern what or why.

I do not want people to react negatively. Some art works definetely do want people to react in that way, and make the work with that in mind. This was not my intention. I have reasons to see the film in a political light, just in terms of the art world and in the connection language has to the idea of "the personal as political" in the feminist movement, where the process of coming to language becomes transformatory and so important for many. Specifically I would want to reach people who due to a particular sensitive nature can identify and relate to the way in which the creative process is influenced through trauma, and a disruption in any sense of self.

The subject of identity is really wide, but in this case I think I was struggling (and still am) with identity as something that is always in process and changing, which would mean labels in any form, e.g. gender... or even a diagnosis, have an undesired effect on finding out who we/I really are/am. I hope I am making sense.

I just know that people who have PTSD might have another reaction to it because they probably can relate so much more. So yeah, maybe I should have cautioned that this might be triggering?? I am really really sensitive, so in this case, it is the really really fine details that make such an impact... and in the end it really was just a pencil case...:wideeyed:

As you value your privacy, I will not post the sentences here, but I have them written down.

I do not mind if you share the lines on the forum. That is okay for me.

Well done on your grade Nadia, thank you for sharing something personal, and good luck for your future creative work.

Again thank you. :)

 

[Ice_Fire]

Hi Nadia, I finally got around to watching it. You have a really nice voice, not how I'd imagined.

It moved me, but I'm not 100% sure how or why. I'll have to watch it again.

 

[The Albatross]

Nadia, I sent you my comments/feedback so I won't repeat them here. But I very much enjoyed the experience and watched it several times. I got it completely, and identified enough so that I could really get the impression of depersonalization and being brought back by the feeling of the shaking of the house as he went upstairs to get the pencil box and went back down. Lovely voice as others have commented, the tone and modulation were well paced, and kept my attention well. Better than a monotone would have. It gave the sense of internal thoughts and feelings... with some solid degree of detachment to external events.

I enjoyed it very much.

 

[The Albatross]

Really, I don't know how much deliberate and conscious effort you put into this, but there was a lot of nuance in it... and I found it quite thought provoking.

 

[Red Feather]

Thank you Albatross for your indepth feedback, on this thread and also on the PM. I didn't realize I was depersonalizing at all. Knowing now that this is a symptom, has helped me understand a lot more.

Often I do not intend some aspects of the work, but they happen anyways... For example the way the clouds moved while I was filming. After filming I was so glad it happened! Also I do not think a work lives solely by the intentions of the artist, but also through how it is experienced and interpreted.

Thank you again. :) It has been great to go back a little and reflect on the work. I hope my artist's block ends soon. Because of PTSD and the crisis, I lost so much contact with my artistic work as well as the theoretical work I was doing. I had to exmatriculate from my extra year at uni because of it too. I have to be patient with myself.

There is nothing more worse for an artist, than to have lots and lots of spare time and to be unable to use it...:banghead:

 

[The Albatross]

Nadia, if your blocked in one area.. you can try another. A creative outlet goes hand in hand with healing from PTSD (good link: Link Removed )

My creativity comes from jewelry making for donation items, flower arranging - I give the arrangements as gifts or to express thanks, and cooking. I haven't found again or reconnected with my "before" artistic ability since marrying my exhusband, though by all accounts I was reasonably talented with drawing (pen and ink and colored pencils). You will cross this bridge when you're ready, but in the meantime, experiment with other mediums?