Hi Kimberley,
Have you thought about what you 'could do', that is what is within your means and boundaries, and will not take a toll on you?
I have had some experience with emotional manipulation, emotional blackmail and peoples attempts to push guilt on other for their own mistakes and subsequent circumstance.
I won't go into the details about my experiences, as I don't think re-living my experiences in detail will be helpful for you. But I will share a little and something I learnt when faced with a very similar situation.
You can throw money (such as an apartment) at a problem all you like - I am inferring that this is what your father has asked for? - but it won't solve the problem to make people who hurt you financially or emotionally dependent on you. It won't make them show you the love you deserved as a child. The only thing that solves a problem is to throw some 'brains' at it.
My hubby and I threw money, we threw more money, then more money, (tens of thousands) and the demands still came. This person was trying to 'force' us to be her primary financial provider, and just wasting the money in the process (hence the repeated requests). This became a never ending 'cycle' of emotional abuse, emotional blackmail, emotional manipulation. It hurt us dearly - financially and emotionally, until we put a stop to it.
If I had my own way, I would have told her to 'bugger off' and never contact us again because of the damage she caused, but that was not the best option for us at the time. We did put a stop to the 'financial' blackmail that was going on, although the emotional abuse still exists.
The reason I ask whether you have thought about what you 'could' do is this:
JUST because someone demands something, it does not mean that you have to give them EXACTLY what they want. Sometimes there is something you can do to compromise that will make you feel more comfortable. Such as buying him (or asking whether his pensions could provide) one of those little mechanical chairs the elderly use to get to the shops, rather than an apartment. Or registering him for some 'meals on wheels' (charity that sends meals to his home) if he can't get to the shops and instead of going around to make him dinner every night.
The point is, something else may be the solution and this is also known as 'helping', even if he doesn't get EXACTLY what he wants. If you choose to do anything at all, consider your options and the many possible solutions to his 'complaints', as there might just be one that is a win-win solution.
So, are there any little things, that work within your own boundaries, that you would be willing to do to address his concerns? Without putting all the pressure on yourself to 'become' his personal nurse maid, or financially entangled. Just some food for thought.
Always protect you first and foremost, what ever you decide.
Love to you, xxoo
