My Flash Backs Happen When I Am Asleep

[TonyG]

Anthony
I have locked this memory away for 30 years, for many years it was just something in my past, perhaps prior to seeking help for the occasional flash back I had heeled myself, Right now I am extremely anxious and since Tuesdays session I have been having intrusive memories so I have opened a can of worms, Right now I would be happy to go back a week to some kind of normal.

 

[anthony]

Mate, don't panic... the heightened symptoms are perfectly normal. Unfortunately, trauma has a way of working its way out whether we want it to or not... and now is obviously that time for you. It will pass, you will honestly get through this... it will just take you a little time. The fastest way to heal trauma, is to go straight through it. Not everyone can do that, but it is the fastest and direct route to some normalcy in feelings again.

My philosophy is simply... if the box is opened, then tear that shit up until it bothers you no more, as fast as you possibly can, so it can't be tucked away any longer, no more secrets, no more hidden pain, less to create symptoms for you, thus your suffering is reduced, being the end aim.

You will get through this...

 

[TonyG]

I just got home from my second session since deciding to do something about my problems, Last week was hell with constant intrusive memories that I have never relived since the trauma, so it was something I wanted to know more about but always closed off. I can now see how getting it out of my system is helping me, I also can identify some triggers that until now I knew nothing about, It's a interesting journey that I am on.

 

[anthony]

Congrats mate... and well done for taking control and action. Proud of you.

 

[TonyG]

I thought I would up date this as it's the 25th of sept and I am still the way I was when I got home from therapy allmost a week ago, images I couldnt see before are becoming clearer but seeing it and talking in detail are two different things,

 

[anthony]

images I couldnt see before are becoming clearer but seeing it and talking in detail are two different things,

Absolutely... but this is progress, 100%. It gets easier once you get through the really hard stuff. You will find yourself going into therapy, having a tough session, and recovering in a day or two, as you continue to progress. Like anything, you become used to it and adapt to suit it. What you're working towards is more good days, than bad, and you will achieve it. Well done.

 

[TonyG]

I had my third session with my psycholigist on Tuesday and this time I went in prepared, since the last visit I have been taking notes of flashbacks and intrusive memories and I am able to see the horror in full detail, I still can't talk about it with out breaking down but I feel like that time is getting closer. I even tryed to talk about it during my session but it was just to hard, There's a sence of guilt sitting in the mix of emotions, so many things in my head. But I know even with Careflight that we have these days they wouldn't of made it to hospital. So I am still stuck with the images and anxiety everyday. I focus on my work and it's a struggle sometimes to keep my mind on my job as I often drift off into a daydream of horror, then relise where I am and I get a bit teary and get myself together and carry on.

 

[KP the nut]

Hi Tony. You are doing great. Therapy was one of the hardest things I have ever done.

Try and plan a couple of quiet days after therapy. I used to come home and curl up in bed with the dogs. The main thing is you are taking control, there will be bad, bad days but they will get fewer and the good days will come back.

Be kind to yourself.

 

[TonyG]

After a great weekend I was feeling really good and went to work fresh and felt really good, A lady I work with and also give a lift to work every told me her brother had died on the weekend, after that I started thinking about my own family my Mum and Dad and brother that have passed and of course back to the scene of horror that caused me all these issues in the first place, I wanted to say I can't listen to your story but it felt so wrong so I just clamed up and absorbed her pain, I was very sick today with anxiety and went to the doctor,
The doctor gave me Diazepam for relief of anxiety and they have done nothing, I feel the same way I did when I went there, more scotch tonight I guess

 

[TonyG]

My fourth visit to a psychologist happened on Friday and I will be on weekly visits from now on, My focus at the moment is on dealing with the anxiety because that is my main issue that stops me from trying grounding methods, my emotions are all over the place, I talked about my mixing diazepam and scotch to be able to sleep, we talked in detal about anxiety and I need to get it under control so it's off to the doctor that sent me to the psychologist a month ago for some medication, and maybe the road to some kind of normal.

 

[TonyG]

Another dream last night and today I have extreme anxiety and Zoloft and Diazapam don't seem to be doing much, I also had to pull over on my way home from work last night and be sick when a song came on the radio, That's my trigger and it was playing the night of my trauma, so now I know what my trigger is. I just played it on iTunes and straight away felt like I was going to be sick. I feel like I have solved a puzzle.

 

[TonyG]

Fifth psychology session today went well seem to be getting to the core of my issue, I have come so far in a short time but I had to let it all out.