My Headphones Have Become A Permanent Fixture.

[AlterEgo]

I'm sure I'm not the only person who uses music to drowned out the world. My wife says my use of headphones and music is borderline extreme and obsessed. I never leave my house without them, ever. I have had neighbors tell my wife they said hi and I didn't answer them so she had to explain that my headphones are in. I explained to her, that is precisely why I have them in, so I don't have to talk to people.

My headphones are becoming an issue because It has been brought to my attention that I have them in 24/7. My wife gets extremely irritated because she talks to me for several minutes, then realises I didn't hear a word she said. Although I'm not trying to ignore her "all the time" my music has become a distraction and calms me down when I am angry. I can get lost in my own little world, rather than take my problems out on her or someone else.

I don't know if the headphones and music is a good thing or if I'm using it to not have to deal with my issues. Given my track record of self destruction I'm sure I am only making things worse.

 

[The Albatross]

What you are viewing as a means to avoid taking problems out on your wife and other people, she is viewing as an irritation and frustration. Maybe a block to communication. Maybe it's time to risk taking the earphones off some, out of respect or love for your wife?

 

[AlterEgo]

When I say taking my problems out on her, I don't mean I am abusive toward her. I have never called my wife bad names, I have never even thought about laying a hand on her, and I don't yell at her. What I mean is, if I'm in a bad place and I don't have that distraction, I don't talk to anybody, if I do I give very short answers. I also get irritated when someone tries to talk to me during an episode. I guess my justification is, if my headohones are In, leave me alone. I know its selfish but I figure if I have my headphones in we can all pretend everybody is happy.

 

[franciemarnie]

I don't know what I'd without my IPod. For me, music can make me supremely happy. When I know I have sad feelings and can't get them out but I need to or I will eventually get physically ill, then sad music helps me feel what I need to feel and it's cathartic but not frightening.

Before I met my significant other, I had ear phones in all the time. I "controlled" my emotional well being with music. That is why I wore them.

Sometimes I wore them too to block out the world or the thoughts in my head. It was an issue of control to block out pain and bring in good feelings. I changed ad time went by. I am not obsessive with it like I was, but sometimes if I need to take time away, I will tell my husband that I am feeling such and such and I need to immerse myself in the music for a while and he gets it. But there comes a time I've had enough and I return. I don't know if for right now you ever have that feeling of having had enough music for the moment. It's a dilemma.

Anyway, I know the feeling of preferring to remain within the headphones.

 

[The Albatross]

I didn't infer anything, I just wrote your description back to you. Distraction though working for you, clearly isn't working for her, unless you can exert some earphone free time?

"if I have my headphones in we can all pretend everybody is happy" is worth examining. Though you may be able to pretend that, it could be or become avoidant behavior. That isn't good for any partnered relationship.

 

[Barberian]

The music is just an escape mechanism. One I'm quite familiar with. I can't use headphones because I NEED to be able to hear what's around me. I do listen to music most of the day at low volume. Music is an important part of my life, most genres except hateful music.

In the past, I've talked to the Mrs. and basically set up a loose schedule for both of us to set aside some time to talk WITH each other. It really helped the relationship, because she was feeling shut out of my life. I'd get frustrated if she interrupted me during a crucial part of the game, which could be and often was any time.

My addiction isn't music, drugs, or alcohol. It's video games and the internet in general. I can go from when I wake up to when I go to bed and do nothing but play on the computer. Actually it's what I do almost every day.

 

[pathos]

Maybe set aside certain times of the day where you will take out the headphones and be communicative with your wife for x amount of time. You can start with short periods of time and build up to longer periods of time as it hopefully becomes less stressful. Also, try to create as much of a stress-free environment when doing this - like the situation could be in your room watching a movie at night when most people are asleep so there won't be outside noises, and maybe not too much talking between you two either (because of the movie). Make sure your wife knows you're trying, but you need to start slowly.

I'm in a similar situation - I don't wear headphones 24/7 because I get migraines, but I lock myself in my room and play music or tv to drown out noise. When I leave my room I don't take music though; I won't lie and say it's because I'm in a better place than you, it's mostly because I fear looking strange to other people. I don't want them to say 'oh there's the strange guy who always wears headphones' or to think I'm anti-social or to notice me at all, really, so I just ignore my own needs in order to not be noticed... and suck it up if I have to talk to someone.

 

[SilentWarDiva]

Music is my first line of defense when it comes to coping with the world. I, too, take my ipod EVERYWHERE with me. I use one earbud at a time so I can also be aware of the environment around me (hypervigilance, yay!). But if I'm in a bad spot and a completely safe place all by myself, I will use both headphones to drown out the world.

 

[Philippa]

It seems pretty obvious that you are using headphones and music to be totally avoidant of the world around you. Listening to music can help as sound is healing, but using it as a constant distraction, well, it seems to be a destructive influence on your relationship.

I understand why that would be appealing of course. Life with PTSD is not fun and the urge to escape is strong. If it is effecting your relationship with your wife though, you may want to start looking at exercising discipline when you are around your wife.

 

[pongo]

I also have earphones in 24/7, everywhere I go. I use it to pretty must block out everything and I am able to go the my safe and controlled alternate world where I can reach some peace. I have only recently fallen badly this for the second time and still trying to find ways of coping without running away to isolate myself even more than I do. I'm glad to read that I am not the only one who has found it helps.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I do this a lot. I used to wear my headphones in stores a lot too but I don't do that anymore. In private and in my car I listen to a lot of music. I love music and keep up with the charts. But I spend a huge amount of my day with my headphones on. It interferes with my life, I know that but it's pretty much an obsession. I have been doing that for 10 years.