My Husband Is Suffering And Has Given Up

[Courtney Ruble]

My husband spent a year in Iraq, and has had PTSD ever since.

The doctors put him on Zoloft and has been upping the dosage to its highest allowable dosage.

He and I have a great marriage. We are still sexually active, though it is not as it was before hand, we still hang out, we still do things together, and I have been by his side allowing him to talk whenever he wanted to and not pushing or demanding that he tell me everything that happened over there.

Unfortunately, I am still in the Navy and I am on sea duty, so there are times when I am deployed with my squadron and can't be home for a month or two at a time. This last deployment lasted three weeks. Before I left, the doctor had upped his dosage for the final time, we were still in love and showing it; I thought everything was great when I left. When I came home, he had distanced himself from me, wasn't being the person that I had left.

I understand his PTSD and was going to wait until he got used to me being in the house again before I started asking questions, but the day after I got home, he came into the room and said he wanted a divorce. He said that he was no longer "in love" with me, that he couldn't feel it anymore, but that he still cared and loved me, that he still trusted me and that I was still his best friend in the world. I had asked if it was anything that I had done, or if maybe he had fallen for another woman, and he said no.

He wants to move out to his parents' house in tenesse and live by himself, but he still wanted me to visit and call him. When I asked him about his daughter, he said that he didn't want her either, leading me to the conclusion that these pills are what has changed things like this. I have asked him to take things day by day, to talk to his doctors honestly and to try and get taken off of the Zoloft. He has agreed, and he still wants me around, but will not voice any love unless he can actually feel it.

We are two people that are very much in love with each other, perfect for each other, but the medication has finally gotten in the way and taken the man I met off that plane away from me entirely. Does anybody have a similar problem that they worked through, or any advice whatsoever? I know we can make this work out, but I want to go about this smartly without scaring him, if you know what I mean.

 

[jeeps for now]

From everything I have experienced in life, isolation seems to be a key element in the recovery of anyone with PTSD. Your jusband needs to do exactly whatever his feelings are telling him to do. Remember the saying "the road to happiness is so narrow, that two cannot walk along it unless they become one" ? Or another saying "if you really love him, let him go and wait for him to come back to you".

Can you ever expect to work this all out while staying together?? Yes, it's possible, but I believe the odds are not in your favor, unless you encounter exceptional help.

I feel for you because this has happened to me also. However, despite being a true tragedy and fallout from PTSD, things can come back together again, even better, down the road. You need to let your husband try to heal on his own terms.

 

[Courtney Ruble]

I am. I asked to take this day by day, to talk to the doctors about getting off of that zoloft and to get some therapy help, to wait until he is comfortable with me being back again for longer than a week. He has agreed to do so, and I have told him that if the time comes after he has gotten real help that he still needs to be alone, then I will not stand in his way.

The thing is, after he asked for the divorce, he then asked me not to leave yet. He wanted to stay living together, sleep in the same bed, hang out together, do all of the things we were doing before, just without having to express his feelings. He also asked me to continue calling him, to continue telling him that I loved him, and to continue having sex with him. Again, this is where I see those pills interfering with his mind.

I will step aside and wait for him to wake up from this prison his medication has trapped him in, but the way he is acting leads me to the belief that if I leave now, without ensuring that he has the proper help, he may not just give up on living around others, but on life itself and kill himself. Once he starts to feel normal again, or at least is going to therapy properly, then I will leave if he asks me to, because I do love him enough to set him off to find himself again. I don't like it, and it will hurt so much, but it will be worth it to see him as himself again.

 

[jeeps for now]

You sound like a very caring person who is doing things very very well. I respect your approach !!!
You might want to check around to see what other meds are available. The right ones could also go a long way.

Ultimately, your husband will need to decide how he wants to handle everything.

Hugs

 

[Courtney Ruble]

Has anyone on this forum had any success with other medications? I've checked out the other ones that are most commonly perscribered for ptsd patients and they all have the same side effects, if not worse.

He sees his new psychiatrist next week and said he is not opposed to me giving my two cents during the appointment.

 

[jeeps for now]

Hi again,

I also wish that others would jump into this discussion. You need all the resources and support you can find right now.

I am not a big proponent of Zoloft. It just isn't enough, and I believe it treats the wrong symptom (depression). For me, depression was the result of panic attacks, nightmares, flashbacks (bad memories), and the realization that noone understood me. It was a cognitive-type depression.

I would consider stressing these symptoms of PTSD in your talks with the psychiatrist. Relaxation meds would be a good direction to pursue.