My Husband Just Told Me He's Leaving Me

[mary1979]

Dont be guilted into doing/not doing something by those not living your life Mal.

Yeah, you cant drink the rest of your life away, but you already know that.
Dont need anyone here to advise you.

I do hope though you dont allow hubby to tread on you at this point.
All the pretty words and acknowledgements are possibly just fear inspired.
He's proved he cant be alone.

Do you want a man who doesn't want YOU, just a gap filler?

Of course I'm not at your house, I dont know this is the case.
But it has been the case at my house more than once, so just wanted to send you a gentle reminder to watch his motives xxx

 

[Deleted member 33052]

@mary1979 He's not treading on me, he's begging for another chance. Right now he's trying to make amends, but my gut tells me he's not trying hard enough to prove that I am the one he wants, rather than just a warm body.

I was too upset to go to EMDR today, but tomorrow I see my psychiatrist. He knows my husband (somewhat), and he might be able to offer some insight. At this moment, after everything we have discussed over the last week, I honestly don't know if this is something I still want... :confused:

 

[Mytime]

Thanks Mal, I'm ok. I'm here for you and you know how to get me anytime. :hug:

 

[Sideways]

Is counselling still on the cards?

My guess is that, with all the emotions going on, you may swing back and forth for a while. It's okay to not know exactly how you feel right now. This isn't an issue that came up overnight, and it's not something that you guys will figure out overnight. So not knowing is okay...

 

[Chimera]

Expanding on what @Ragdoll Circus said..

"I dont have that answer right now"
Is actually a valid answer.

 

[UnKnown-Self]

:hug:((((Mal))))
It's gonna be a struggle either way. I don't know how old your kids are, except for the teenaged son. I don't know how you are set financially. While you might want to take one road, these things have some influence over your choices. Are you able to take care of your kids on your own emotionally? Do you know if they would stay with you if you decided to split? Could you handle it if they didn't ?
Hard things for me to ask you but they are real issues that will come up.
Are you on his health insurance? How much do you depend on him for the day to day things? Shopping, meal preparing, housework, keeping the bills paid on time? This is tough shit to deal with when PTSD is at its peak and if you split, for sure it's gonna peak. Don't let your anger and pride write checks your ass can't cash. There's no shame in taking things slow and really thinking them through. Hubby might say one thing and if you split do something totally different so if you do decide to split make sure everything is in writing legally. Don't depend on the system or words said that are not in writing. Just take your time. Be smart and careful in your choices and with what you say or agree to. There is no understanding, compassion or even credibility for us with PTSD. Hard truth but one I have found to be slapped in the face with repeatedly. Those slaps take you to unsafe places. Above all else make sure you are safe. :hug:

 

[ladee]

This part is a roller coaster ride. Up and down and around and around.. you will know in awhile, if this is what you want or not, and what your motives are for making it work or letting it die a natural death. I'm so sorry Mal, I've been here and it's horrible... I didn't know from moment to moment what I wanted, didn't want, yes stay, no go... my heart hurts for you!!! I am truly hoping he is being honest with himself first, then you..
But you have us... and we do want the best for you, and this is your journey... no one knows better than you what is going on.... I appreciate that you are keeping us updated on such a very private part of your life.... sending you hugs of comfort and support !!

 

[Deleted member 33052]

I'm keeping you updated because you are my lifeline! You are all my lifeline! I have no one in the real world to talk to (except for professionals), and the support that you're showing me is keeping me sane.

I love my tribe.

 

[ladee]

((((((Mal))))) , from my heart !

 

[UnKnown-Self]

((((((Mal))))) so right there with you. This is my only safe place where I can be me.

 

[Zanshin]

I'm glad there has been progress and understand the roller coaster - hold on tight and watch your coping mechanisms. Count me as another concerned one about the wine for breakfast (alcohol is one of my triggers, so I'm very sensitive to any mentions or use of it, as full disclosure). If it was a joke about stress, fair enough, but please make sure it doesn't get out of hand - you're too valuable to do that to.

Keep a pros and cons list, keep a list of things you're enjoying and would like to see improvement on - and encourage your husband to do the same. A clear line of communication will help you both so much, as it seems it's been obscured for a while. It can happen over time without realizing it, I'm glad for you that you have an opportunity and the mindset to fix it.

As ever, peace to you.

 

[UnKnown-Self]

Not to derail the thread but I don't think Mal meant it literally when she said she needed wine just to open her eyes in the morning.
and even if she did, she has enough shit on her plate without anyone shaking a judgmental finger at her. She needs our support, not our judgment. I know it is probably said with well meaning intentions but now is not the time.