My Husband Just Told Me He's Leaving Me

[Chimera]

Wine, men and dirges...makes for an endless harmonies and good times among the sisters and hell, some fine brothers too~
Truth is, not a one of us can sing Mal Content's particular tune...but we're ALL here listening and whistling as best we can. The love and care for you is obvious and in fact so deserved.
Do as you do, Mal.
:hug:

 

[ladee]

A gazillion likes @Chimera !!!!

 

[Deleted member 33052]

Alice, I agree with you. The thing with me iissed our sex life. It really adds more intimacy to our...

Hodge, anytime you want to talk about sex and/or wine, feel free to hijack my thread. Seriously. ;)

 

[Chimera]

Sex?
Perk!

 

[hodge]

Aww, Mal, thanks. I am not in the habit of hijacking threads, lol.

(I took it you were joking about the wine in the morning. If not, I have to agree with the others to look at that.)

I hope things are moving along in a positive way for you and your husband. I see from your earlier posts that it's seems to have been going down a bit. But I know things can be very volatile when people are in a relationship in these circumstances. I hope it moves in a positive direction.

 

[anthony]

The thing with me is, I missed our sex life. It really adds more intimacy to our relationship.

Absolutely. There are many components to a relationship, and when you remove any single component, then the entire relationship has the capacity to crumble. There is a reason why many relationships fail when a woman goes through menopause, for example. Not all, but many men still want their sex, so if they aren't getting it at all from their relationship, some go elsewhere, thus screwing the entire relationship because they just screwed with the trust component. Now two components are broken, not one, if not more than that... but for examples sake.

Mal... the beauty about all of this is that you get to take all the time in the world you need. Don't feel pressured to make any decision for your life quickly. A lot has happened, take your time, think through as much or little as you need, then act based on your instincts.

One thing I have learnt in my near 30 years of dating women... don't f*ck with instincts. Women's instincts are off the chart, typically, when face to face with a man, especially when communicating for a duration, instincts and intuition usually kick in to whether a man is good or bad for them. Trust your instincts and intuition IMHO, whether that means togetherness or apart.

 

[hodge]

Yes, absolutely, Anthony. PTSD had screwed up our marriage long enough in so many ways. Everything seemed to come back together around the same time, thanks to my work in therapy, my husband's patience, and, yeah, wine. Plus, for years my mother tried her best to persuade me that my husband wasn't good enough for me. Thank God I finally stopped listening to her and relied only on my own instincts, because they were right on.

Mal, you know better than any of us what the circumstances are in your marriage and whether it would be best to stay with him. And, as Anthony said, take your time. This is an enormous decision. Only you will be able to know whether continuing it is good for you.

As you know, I'll be here every couple of days if you want to send me a pm, otherwise I'll check on this thread to see how you're doing, hon.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

Yes, absolutely, Anthony. PTSD had screwed up our marriage long enough in so many ways. Everything seemed...

Hodge, you're awesome! Thank you for being here for me! :hug:

 

[hodge]

Mal, I think we are each other's fans, lol! You take care, dear :hug:s

 

[Deleted member 33052]

After dreaming about plane crashes and some sort of apocalypse, I'VE HAD AN EPIPHANY!!! Sorry for yelling, but I'm so excited!

Since my husband regained his senses and remembered why he fell in love with me, I've been agonizing over what to do, trying to figure out which decision is the right one. But guess what! There is no right or wrong decision! Whatever I decide, it's up to me to make the best of it. Either path will be ok, as long as I commit to making it ok!

This journey has been remarkable. Even through my pain, I feel myself growing!

Thank you all for your support, and thank you for accepting my love!

(((( HUGS ))))

 

[Zanshin]

SUCH an awesome post, I'm proud of you. :)

 

[Deleted member 33052]

Update: Yesterday - two hours of group therapy and then straight to marriage counseling for another 2.5 grueling hours. My mind was mush by the end of it, but the answer came to me.

My husband desperately wants to stay. I love him and have hopes to spend the rest of my life with him, but I realized that - for the first time in my life - I love me more than I love him. I'm no longer able to love anyone enough to sacrifice myself for them.

I'll be ok if he leaves. I'll be ok if he stays. Either way, he has work of his own to do and until he does, I won't put myself back into a position of vulnerability. I value myself too much for that.

Of course, tomorrow might be a shit day, and I might crumble, but the day after that, I will remember these words.