My Husband Just Told Me He's Leaving Me

[Zanshin]

This statement: I realized that - for the first time in my life - I love me more than I love him. I'm no longer able to love anyone enough to sacrifice myself for them.

It makes me both sad and happy for you. Happy that you're finding your strength and to care about yourself - so, so wonderful. But sad because I can see the walls coming up as you type it... Because love is a sort of sacrifice, to be open enough that you may be hurt.

I hope you both get the help you need, and the happiness as well, no matter how it works out. As ever, take care of yourself.

 

[Mytime]

Mal your such a beautiful person. As you know I have been working on my marriage. It's hard, frustrating, lonely,sad, madding, Energy sucking,and I think the mourning of the marriage and friendship hurts the most.

But then there's, memories, the strength you never knew you had, self growth, realizing the purity within ourselfs that comes with forgiveness.kindness, honesty, compassion, integrity.

To look at your partner and yourself, to see we are all like an onion. We pull at our layers good and bad. To fight the tears or give into them. We pull each others layer away to see the person for who they are and who you are. There's layers we like and layers we don't. But we all have them, it's getting to that place where the layers are peeled and you realize. Holy shit we're human.

That's when you get to the place, where you can stand there with your head up your ass, or you can work at moving past the hurt, change what you can. Take what you learned and compromise what you can. And last but not least, you can walk away knowing you fought with everything you had
and you walk away with strength, self growth, clarity and peace.

But that's just my opinion:) here for you, love you my friend.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

@Mytime I'm finished with the destructive games, and I feel that there's no point in fighting for something if the prize will only bring grief.

He is a good man, and I want him to be happy. God knows, we've given each other enough pain. I told him that I would like to have him beside me for the good things that are coming.

I will be here if he gets himself together. I have no need to find a replacement for him any more than I feel a need to wait for him to get healthy. He needs to do that for himself, not to win me back. :)

 

[Zanshin]

That is an absolutely beautiful answer.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

This statement: I realized that - for the first time in my life - I love me more than I love him[/I...

Wise words, as usual, Zanshin, and I am grateful for your insight.

This moment is bittersweet because it does represent the end of something. But that something was broken and it became hurtful and destructive.

I hope that when he has healed himself, we can work together to build a strong relationship. But I also hope to win the lottery and lose 20 pounds... I can't count on any of them.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

We had a long talk last night. We have agreed that, for the time being, we will walk separate paths, parallel and sometimes intersecting. We will work to rebuild our friendship as we continue with our personal work.

He understands now that our paths may eventually merge, but even if they don't, we will each be in a better place. I'm sad and I'm happy.

 

[Zanshin]

Again - broken record here - wishes for peace and healing to you both. Be safe.

 

[Gadgie]

Quote......."He understands now that our paths may eventually merge, but even if they don't, we will each be in a better place. I'm sad and I'm happy."

At least you are both talking, that's a good start. I only wish my ex wife and I had done that.

But she was never one for talking things out, and I was never any good at showing or expressing my emotions.

That goes back to how I was brought up, our parents never showed, or gave us any emotion, so my sister and I grew up thinking that was normal?

Yet, I think the main reason our marriage failed was because I spent so much time working away from home, and we just drifted apart, living our own separate lives.

 

[Sideways]

Keep yourself safe. Keep yourself protected.

I don't know the detail and the parameters of your seperate paths. I'm glad that this gives you the opportunity to focus on healing you. But I'm cognisant of the background to this mess. If his path involves another woman, know that you are beautiful and loveable in spite of him. Hopefully, you may end up being beautiful and loved alongside him.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

Keep yourself safe. Keep yourself protected.

I don't know the detail and the parameters of you...

Nice! Thank you! I am beginning to believe this!

 

[IMO]

Good riddance to him. Most people don't have the mental acuity and empathy to live with someone with PTSD. The upside is that it takes a special person to co-exist with us. Finding a special person is not easy nor is it guaranteed. But, believe me, life for me is better without my ex-wife it it. She would manipulate me using my PTSD as a tool against me. Not hard to do.
I know that this Dark Night of the Soul time in your life is not a good time to be abandoned but in the long run you may find that his jumping ship was for the best. Why have someone there who only lives up to the first half of the marital vows> In good times and in bad...?
Peace. Be Well.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

Good riddance to him. Most people don't have the mental acuity and empathy to live with someone with PTSD. The upside is...

Wow, IMO, I really know where you are coming from, and I'm sorry that happened to you. My first husband did the same to me for about 15 years. I was so ashamed of my behavior, though, I thought I was entirely responsible.

My current husband and I are still discussing the situation. As I'm working to heal myself, he needs to do some self-work, too. After that, who knows?

I don't expect I will ever find anyone who can ride this rollercoaster with me, but on the bright side, I don't think I care! :)