My Inner Demons

[Semiazas]

I've been at war with myself for years now... My Demons constantly on the attack... Between the larger battles, I'm still under fire with their powerful weapons of self doubt, feelings of failure, and a reflection that provokes pure self enmity.. On the constant defense is this broken, beaten, and completely dilapidated cipher cowering in the corning on the verge of surrender, as last trace of fight left in her continues to deteriorate..

The last week has been a horrific battle and I feel that the war will soon be over... I'm just really tired. I'm not afraid of defeat. My worry and probably the only thing that has stopped me up to this point is I don't want someone I love to be accused and I can't just disappear to leave them worried and wondering. If I were to go missing anyway, loved ones would still be under investigation..

I don't know what to do.. I can't keep up this fight much longer.. Today has been a really bad day.. I'm sorry, I just really needed to get this out.. The longer I hold these feelings in the worse it gets and don't want to draw unwanted or unnecessary attention..

 

[Dijut]

I am so sorry you're going through this, please don't take my brief reply amiss- I really do deeply care and that is why I'm giving you this advice: please call someone, anyone, for help. When it gets to this point, it's important to keep going through the reasons to remain over and over again. Call a help line or a therapist and don't wait to get in somewhere, most states have income based or free emergency help for these situations. Call your state health care or google for the services in your area if you're US based. Don't be afraid of people finding out, they'd rather help than ache in your absence.

 

[Semiazas]

Thank you friend. Your response really meant a lot to me yesterday when I needed it. Its amazing how some kind words really can make a world of difference. :shy:

 

[Roper]

I refer to all my bad thoughts and feelings as demons too! I hate when they get the best of me and they get the best of me more often then they should!:mad:

I hope you are on your way to healing.

 

[Epuje]

Please stay, keep up. We need more who understand the darker side. You are of importance.