My Job Is Triggering - Is It Reasonable To Want To Do Something Else?

[lil_fighter]

Over the past 12 months I have worked in two different jobs. I am 27 and trying to save to do a Masters at university starting this September. The first job at the start of the year, I did for 6 months. I was a support worker for autistic adults. I enjoyed the work but as the home that I worked in was in a very poor state with vulnerable people being treated badly I left and reported my concerns. I found it a depressing place to work and decided to go back to working with children in schools (something I have done for seven years and swore I would not go back to due to stress). The second job was working with severly autistic children, I am still employed by the school. The job is stressful because the children I work with who are aged 12 to 13 are especially challenging and display physically challenging behaviour. One of the children bites often as he seems to like the sensation of biting. He has a rubber chew toy but prefers to bite into skin unfortunately. Twice now he has bitten me, sinking his teeth in very deep and breaking my skin. The last time it happened I couldn't hold back the tears, luckily the teacher told me to have a break and go to the first aid room as my arm was bleeding. It's obviously part of the job but being slapped, kicked and punched or even worse bitten is getting to me now.

When my eyes starting watering, as the child sunk his teeth in deeper and had a really good grip, this woman I work with laughed and said "You shouldn't react like that. Just hold in your pain, otherwise the child sees it as a reaction and will keep doing it". She was laughing at me. I acted like I was fine and behaved like it was all under control. This woman has not been bitten before. I actually thought, I have been holding in a scream most of my life, especially in the past 5 years after being raped.

I have realised that the school I work at is not supportive of staff, they have had a huge staff turnover and they don't seem to appreciate their staff. Taking a day off when I was punched in the face, I called in sick and they didn't like that at all. They are very against any staff absence. I really have had enough. I like the kids, I like most of the staff but each time I get hit, I feel really bad. It is very triggering. Is it reasonable to want to find another job? When other staff in my classroom get hit, they make a big fuss but I have a habit of keeping everything inside which is a bad habit of mine and this job is making me feel really low. I like helping others but for me this is not healthy.

 

[Friday]

It is always reasonable to want to find a different job. Even if you're working your dream-job, much less if there are serious problems you're facing.

 

[SeekingAfrica]

Absolutely! I've noticed this before, but I keep seeing it a lot. People who aren't dealing with PTSD/Anxiety also make choices to change job if they don't like it etc...But when you have PTSD, you put more stress on the fact that you may want to change the job because it's triggering to you...like that is weakness or unreasonable rather than a perfectly valid choice. Which it is. It's your life- your job- your choice. If this job is constantly bad and triggering for you, do something that won't be so, and that will aid your health, not stunt it. You can help autist children more if you are in your best health state. If you feel like this is not it, by all means look for something better. I also do some things that are triggering to me, because it's my calling(like you with autism) but I have found a place that is nurturing for me, and whenever I do get triggered, I feel safe and supported in handling it as best as I can without being judged for breaking down. It's trully a blessing. I probably judge myself more in those moments than the people around me there. I hope you find such place as well.

 

[barefoot]

Sounds very reasonable to me - most people consider changing jobs at some point for whatever reason. Very common. Very reasonable – whether they ultimately then act on it and actually change jobs or not

When you add your PTSD and the particular triggers/challenges in your current job into the mix - I can't thing of a single unreasonable thing about you considering changing jobs!

I like helping others but for me this is not healthy.

This is the most important thing in a nutshell, for me. I agree with you - it doesn't sound healthy for you. Sounds like you're being triggered on at least two fronts - the behaviour of some of the young people (the biting/punching etc) and also the lack of support from the school and its staff. They're two massive things.

It's great that you like to help people and that really comes across strongly in your post - I'm sure it's why you're hanging in there in a job that is causing you a whole lot of stress, unhappiness and pain at the moment. And there are lots of jobs where you can help people. So many! And they won't all involve putting yourself in the kind of position you're in at the moment.

 

[dnp]

Please find another job! It's not your job to get bitten and punched. If someone did that to me I would call the cops AND file a civil lawsuit. Yea, I'm American!! No one bites me and gets away with it. What if this Count Dracula wanna be has HIV or some other serious illness that can be transmitted by blood? This is unacceptable. I have worked in Britain and I know times are tough but there are better jobs out there. No one should be treated this way.

 

[lil_fighter]

:) Thank you for the replies, I felt so much better to have your opinions on the situation.
Last week, I took the whole week off work as I had awful migraine headaches. I had to phone the headteacher of the school every morning at 6:30am. Even though work starts at 8:30am, it is in their policy that we must call her at 6:30am if absent. The headteacher is a very unforgiving woman who is known to be very rude. I dreaded every morning phoning her. Monday was the worst, she was really snappy but the days after that because I was mentioning my doctor, she changed to being reasonable. I was still on edge everyday that I was phoning her. I couldn't sleep and dreaded going to bed each night knowing I'd have to call her. I was getting one to two hours sleep each night last week if I was lucky because I was so anxious about calling her and I felt like a failure for being unwell. The anxiety gripped me and I felt stuck with these thoughts flitting from one thing to the next really quickly.

Today, I did it. I called her for the last time. I went to the doctor, who referred me for counselling and was very understanding. She gave me one month off of work to get better. That made me decide to go ahead and send my notice in. I have sent my notice, sick note and my staff ID card back to the school. Luckily the notice means that I won't have to go back there for my notice period. I am feeling a huge sense of relief :happy: I was almost in tears of relief / joy when the doctor gave me one month off. I am 100% sure that I want to leave the job. I have definitely learnt a valuable lesson, my next job is going to be something far less stressful. In the meantime, I look forward to getting a normal sleep pattern going.

 

[Powder]

Was the lady being sarcastic and snarky?

From what you're saying, it sounds like she was not being literal. I think she was insulting the Freeze response (because she doesn't know that is what she's seeing, or it triggered her?).

People can accidentally kick someone when they're down, thinking they are helping with all that "tough love" in my experience.

 

[lil_fighter]

Yes she was very sarcastic, I think like you say it could have been the tough love approach. The main thing was that it was not personal but felt as if it was. For three weeks since then, I have been unable to sleep throughout the night and interestingly, only able to sleep after 6:30am which was the time I used to call her. The anxiety from calling her stayed with me even after I had handed in my notice and given in the doctor's note. I no longer had to go in to work yet I was on edge all the time.
When I emailed my notice to her, I was pleasant and thanked her for the opportunity to work there. I praised the staff and said that I enjoyed my time there (which for the most part was true). I absolutely dreaded her response, had someone else read it for me and I didn't want to even be in the room when they read it but she was nice and wished me the best. The relief I felt was immense. Quite different to the way she was snappy on the phone when I was calling in sick. So yes, I think it was tough love.