My Marriage.

[Garrett]

Where to begin, I'm still partially in denial about my diagnosis. I left active duty in June and returned home with my wife, my wonderful wife. It's been rocky since I've been back from afghan. It wasn't bad over there, in fact I miss it. There was plenty of action, which I might miss most. However the lack of sleep( such as tonight) the depression, the anxiety and possibly some deeper seeded issues I'm not aware of have led to my marriage being described as rocky, if not dangling. She told me last week or so she was no longer happy that I wasn't the man she married, I've always been outgoing and very outwardly happy. But this nagging anxiety in my gut is destroying us, every time even the most innocent thing happens like she adds some guy on Facebook, or an old high school buddy of no romantic value what so ever comments on her status, sometimes even nothing... Sometimes I'll be going about the plan of the day and I start coming up with these scenarios of what's happening behind my back. It's torture I can never shake this feeling in my gut that something is happening that I should know about, I have so many tools but it's as if I don't WANT to use them, like subconsciously I want to be right and to catch her, maybe because it would finally warrent these feelings, she agreed to give me time, and says she still loves me. This whole thing has made these feelings worse and more frequent, I don't know where to begin, insecurity I guess? I just want, if anything, to fix these trust issues

 

[dutchiedelta]

Looking at yourself, looking at life and wanting to improve is a great step already Garrett. (y)
Some days just keeping breathing is a chore in itself. Keep coming here, reading and learning.

 

[Woodman]

Went through the same thing when I got back from nam. She didn't know me and I didn't know her, we felt like strangers. It was the first time that I saw my first son too, and when I think about it he was probably the only reason that I didn't get a Dear John. I hate to say it but for me it was all downhill from there. I wouldn't wish the feelings that I had at that time on anyone. I feel your pain and hang in there.

 

[vikingr24]

Glad to see you here. I would suggest reading some of the literature that Jimmy and Anthony have put together. It really does settle you down and helps with a plan.

My only observation from experience is that when you get involved in your own anger and depression issues, you forget to just have fun with your wife. Forget the problems for a while and have a good dinner. Another part of PTSD (the Beast) is "heightened awareness." You have it in spades when you are checking your back and are always wondering about trust with your wife. Best thing I can say is have faith in your wife, Faith means there is a no test or search for evidence anymore. It's one part of your life that is safe and OK. So trust her if she says wants to stay with you.

You cannot read someone's mind. You have to take her for what she says. Same with you. If you don't believe something, don't say it to her.

Good luck and welcome. Drop a knee.

 

[Doc Malone]

I know what you are feeling. You are going off of your gut which I'm assuming has kept you alive in a significant way. Myself even though me and my wife have our differences. At times I have found me questioning her was due to my paranoia. There is no good sender for your situation I have been there and at times still am. Wish I had some words of wisdom for ya but I can't provide any