My Mind Going "hyper" In Therapy

[Scandinavgirl]

I have this problem that my mind goes "hyper" in therapy sometimes. I suffer from intrusive thoughts - although it does not really interrupt my daily functioning that much.

It is mostly visuals stuff - often sexual images. Often my therapist is involved in these pictures, therefore I cant discuss these visuals with him. I am not physically attractive to him, so this images are only "garbage". Sometimes the pictures are more violent - like somebody hits me or me cutting myself in the arm.

Sometimes I get others thoughts in my head - although I know I dont really read peoples minds, it causes me some concerns. A little part of me is afraid there might be something truthful in this - so when I get a negative thoughts from my therapist about me, it is extremely uncomfortable. This I have finally told my therapist.

Last therapy session I got these intrusive thoughts all the time and it became very disturbing - I lost concentration several times and actually I cant remember everything we talked about that session;) I feel so ashamed of these thoughts and just feel f*cked up after a session like that.

Does anybody have a clue why these thoughts are so present in the therapy-situation? Anything to do about it=

 

[GMW]

To be honest, I don't know why it happens but as a teen I used to get flashes of stabbing people. I found talking about it lessened the problem dramatically.

If you have been sexually victimised in some way, then these images and thoughts are VERY common. It's not uncommon for rape victims to fantasise about being raped, to imagine those around them raping them and to fantasise about having voluntary sex with the person who harmed them. It's even normal for a victim of prolonged abuse to fail to achieve orgasm during normal sex unless they are imaging or reliving their previous ordeal. All of these are normal and a result of programming. So I would say if you have (no need to answer) then it will not be any surprise to your therapist at all. The fact that he's involved in these images shows that you actually have a good relationship with him, your mind feels safe enough with him to imagine him in that way. He shouldn't get disturbed by it but if you don't want to tell him he is part of these images, then I don't really think you need to. He just needs to know you're distracted and unhappy with these visions.

My best guess (and I'm no doctor) is that your mind is trying to do exactly what it's successfully doing; distracting you from the real issue. Which is why I would urge you to talk to your therapist about what's going on. Acknowledging the issue is the first step in the issue loosing it's grip on you. Maybe you could work on a "tell" so that he knows you are experiencing these thoughts without you saying anything. Like you could put a band round your wrist and snap it? He'd know how to help ground you in the present and help you focus (or at least he should).

Take care xx