Getting lost in my mind - Coping with self destructive intrusive thoughts


Well, latelly I've been having like "another girl" who wanted to hurt me, but I gradually feel more intrusive thoughts about hurting myself just like she wanted like if i was possessed.
It's like if reality was just a game, so i get "unestable" and have those thoughts when I don't even knowing who I am because i get confused. I don't know why I want to hurt me so bad...
I don't know, i honestly feel ashamed from my thoughts and behaviors.
As we grow in therapy we learn to speak kindly and gently to the other girl. For me the most significant change in desiring to hurt myself was when my psychologist said, “we only get one body, treat it well” it woke me up a bit. Secondly it was helpful to realize the statement, I’ve already been hurt enough, as a marker for reflection . One that helped me to turn to being kinder, gentler more protective of myself instead of continuing in old patterns.
me too, sophie. it helps me to personify my various sets of intrusive thoughts as a living entity. i think it helps. many of my psychiatric pros disagree, but? ? ? pros often disagree, don't they? especially with psychotic patients like me. i just started week two of the family vacay and my first wake-up in the second location. i am verily swimming in inappropriate intrusive thoughts this morning. i kinda wish the intrusive thoughts would switch channel to something more fit for the 3 young children i am travelling with. just wishing. . . plying therapy tools while i wait for the wish fairy to show.

these days i call those thoughts of self-harm, hysterical flight and/or violence, "the beaten crazy bitch wolf." the harder i fight that sadistic wench, the louder and more obnoxious she gets. i am currently sitting with her in the van in front of my sisters' house and the beaten crazy bitch is snarling hard enough that those charming children, the two sisters and husband are giving me the space to do so. they are still checking on me, so she isn't snarling too viciously. as i visualize myself soothing the beaten crazy bitch wolf, i am gently leaning into the complex weave of lost dreams, repressed emotions, etcetera, etceteri which created the beaten crazy bitch wolf in the first place.

sigh. . . processing. . . accepting. . .
just breathe. . .
working to be gentle with myself and patient with the process.
I found the reparenting process helpful for dealing with such a voice. Learning to take the reigns as the adult wise self to hold the hand of the part who was screaming and stay with her while gently but firmly, and with love, telling her no.
A medida que crecemos en la terapia, aprendemos a hablar con amabilidad y dulzura a la otra chica. Para mí, el cambio más significativo en el deseo de lastimarme fue cuando mi psicólogo dijo: "solo tenemos un cuerpo, trátalo bien", me despertó un poco. En segundo lugar, fue de gran ayuda para dar cuenta de la declaración, Ya me han lastimado bastante, como un marcador para la reflexión. Uno que me ayudó a volverme más amable, más gentil y más protector conmigo mismo en lugar de continuar con los viejos patrones.
No puedo hablar con ella porque ni siquiera le importa lo que tengo que decir... Es como una adolescente inestable.