DID My mom and my did

[whiteraven]

The problem is she is partially responsible

Yeah. My mom never physically abused me; I think she was/is a very good mom, generally. But she always minimizes all my worries. And I know she knew there were issues with my dad. But I think she was just so afraid of making waves.

The problem here though is not Noise's D.I.D. as much as their mother being abusive, and using anything an...

This.

I know anger and resentment can muddy the water and make any explanations or understanding very...

I do agree it is helpful to understand where a person is coming from. But it feels really uncomfortable to me to suggest to anyone that their abuser join these forums. Whether or not one wants to educate a family member who really is not supportive is something a person needs to consider on their own, based on what they know about that person. I think, though, opening up a safe space to such a person might create a feeling that you couldn't be as free to talk. That's just me, though.

 

[Noise]

I know anger and resentment can muddy the water and make any explanations or understanding very...

Trying to understand how someone so close to you can have alters has to be difficult to wrap their head around, especially when she only know you as one person.

I know it's difficult to understand. I didn't fully understand it once I found out what it was. Cause like how can one person be 8? But I am... i just wish it wasn't seen as something that makes me a bad person. Like I know it's not "normal" but im not like this on purpose. I don't use it as an excuse I've always taken responsibility for the bad things they've done. And yet she thinks I'm just using them as an excuse and it sucks.

you provide your mom with books or any material explaining your situation.

I've tried to. I tell her she can ask me any questions she has. But she doesn't seem to want to understand. Everytime my condition comes up she always brings up something along the lines of "I don't know much about it but I read the book sybil...." and goes on and makes some irrelevant point and yeah I don't know the first thing about that book I just know I'm f*cking sick of hearing about it.

I would even encourage her to see a therapist

I've tried she tries to convince me she doesn't need it. And by "convince me" I mean she basically tells me it's for "crazy" people and that im a nutcase who really needs it and shes nothing like me (which is f*cking laughable).... And basically it's just her being really condescending and shitty to me.

I'm scared to take her in to my therapist with me cause I feel like it would give me too much anxiety and possibly trigger me. Cause even the thought of it scares me... I know that's stupid but it just brings up bad memories.

In fact she could join here and be part of the supports forum if that would not be intimidating to you

If she joins I'll be to paranoid to post here again. Cause I'll feel like she's watching everything I post.

go through the support forum history and see if there are any useful posts and such to help give your mom and you

This actually is a really good idea. I'll do this!! Thank you!

At least anger and resentment is not going to help either of you anywhere in this struggle

I know. I've let go of most of my anger towards them for what happened. It used to consume me. But as I've improved I've tried to repair things with them. But they still fall into old bad habits.

It's just a struggle to even bring it up. Cause I'm tired of the guilt trips, and the arguments, having to pick my words carefully so they don't have a breakdown.

I just wish things could be peaceful and happy.

Sorry I'm rambling on and I'm very tired I'm sorry if this reply is jumbled

What I mean is, do not worry about what she thinks of them

I'm trying not to its just I wish she wouldn't treat me like an asshole for something I can't control.

I do not think it likely she warms up

I know but I just want so badly for us to be a good family. Idk. I know it's probably a bad idea but I just want peace.

Yeah. My mom never physically abused me

I'm glad you had a good mom. I'm sorry she wasn't able to stand up for you though.

But she always minimizes all my worries.

I'm sorry I know how crappy it is to have your problems minimized. I'm sorry you have to go through that.

But it feels really uncomfortable to me to suggest to anyone that their abuser join these forums.

You put it in words. Thank you! It's a very uncomfortable thought cause I feel like I won't be able to actually talk about my experiences without fear of judgement and punishment.

 

[Reflections]

I completely understand wanting to improve your relationships and being able to be open with your mom, but I get the sense you're trying to change who she is to something she isn't interested in being: understanding and supportive. My parents are emotionally abusive and I've had to switch gears from hoping they'll change to make my situation better, to changing my situation by how I support myself as I interact and communicate with others. Iow, I learned healthy relationship patterns. You can't change how your mom thinks and feels about you or DID, but you can change how you interact with her to protect yourself in healthy ways.

The book Sybil I haven't read, but to my knowledge it's a work of fiction by a therapist presented as fact to make money.