My Mom Was A Stripper

[guitarlover]

My mom was a stripper when I was growing up. I found out what a stripper was and also found out that she was one. It broke my little heart and made me very depressed when I was 9 or 10 years old. Since then I have had horrible images of my mom on a stripper pole and hatred towards women that work in strip clubs. Also I get sick to my stomach and think that strips clubs are degrading towards woman and the men that go there are also disgusting pigs. Nothing that anyone says will ever change how I feel.

I have been having horrible internal flashbacks because my fiance is having his bachelor party in a couple weeks and I asked him if they were planning on going to a strip club. He replied honestly and said his friend brought it up but he wasn't sure if he was going because he might be to drunk by that time. I immediately told him how I felt and said that if he went I wouldn't be able to look at him the same way and it would ruin our relationship.

I was feeling depressed Sunday until Thursday morning. I talked to him again and told him I was depressed because he might go to a strip club and he told me that he wasn't going to go. I do trust him and that's not the issue and I explained that it was very traumatic to grow up with a mother that was a stripper. I was having flashbacks of the feelings I had 16 or 17 years ago. I guess what I want to know are my feelings valid and should I feel bad for not wanting him to go?

 

[open eyes]

Your feelings are definitely valid. Any girlfriend, fiancee or wife wouldn't want their partner going to a strip club in the first place. The fact that you have some childhood trauma associated with strippers makes it even more understandable. So no, I don't think you should feel guilty about not wanting to him to go.

 

[Wolvescry]

I personally think that you have a right to your opinion, and he loves you and respects that. Even if he doesn't agree, does not mean he cannot be sensitive to your feelings. What you feel is your own. I Actually see less of a problem with strippers, but my experience and thought process has been different then your own. So I see no problems in your feelings towards him going. I hope that time heals your wounds. Good luck.

 

[guitarlover]

That makes me feel so good to know that I am not crazy. It made me feel a lot better when he told me he wasn't going. He seemed upset that I didn't want him to go, like he didn't really completely understand how f*cking horrible it made me feel.[DOUBLEPOST=1398991447,1398991331][/DOUBLEPOST]

. I hope that time heals your wounds. Good luck.

I have been going to therapy for over 2 years now. I have made a lot of progress but I don't know if this is something I will ever be able to let go.

 

[open eyes]

It's hard to make anyone who hasn't been through PTSD understand these feelings,but if he knows how you feel & why you feel that way that's really all you can do.

 

[Wolvescry]

Aw, no don't feel bad, he loves you, may be upset, but even though he may not fully agree, he is making an effort to understand you. Hopefully he wont be a butt head about it.[DOUBLEPOST=1398991693,1398991520][/DOUBLEPOST]PS wounds may not heal the way we want or need them to, but we can always strengthen our skills against them. Good job with therapy! That is good step to take and stick with. Congrats on your wedding to come to. Much love and happiness to your new family.

 

[Rumors]

Just wondering, but was your mom single and working there bc it was her only option for food? I have heard stories of women who strip to feed their kids. I imagine that scenario would be tough for both mother and child.

Very sorry you feel bad. I hope you are able to resolve your moms choice in careers before too long. A hurt like that is too burdensome to carry around. If you are going to carry something, make them good, new memories. ;). Good luck!

 

[arfie]

Your feelings are definitely valid, but they are feelings, not facts. When I treat my feelings like facts, they tend to grow far more rigid and unreasonable than feelings were ever meant to be. Especially true for hate. Hate grows into bitter meanness with natural ease.

But... For now, congratulations on your marriage to a considerate man. He sound like a keeper.

 

[Powder]

Does he understand that you have PTSD? How old is he?

When I was in my 20s and first diagnosed, my husband and I did not understand what that entailed. I'm lucky he has stuck around for more.

I'm not sure you want to get married just yet if this is an issue that is being discussed. It's not possible to ascertain from a post, obviously, very much about the situation, but it seems that he doesn't have the first clue about who he is marrying yet. I don't fault you because PTSD makes it a challenge to explain oneself, period. But it takes time. He needs to know the full disclosure and then, he won't walk into your triggers so badly.

I think he sounds worth investing the time in. Why do people get married so fast without knowing each other yet? I don't get it.

My husband and I dated from age 17 to 21. We married young, at 21, but at least we knew each other pretty well. The thing is, I didn't know who I was until I was 36 because I had amnesia from most of my childhood.

 

[Philippa]

Your feelings are totally understandable, though I think you have talked yourself into believing that you HAVE to always feel this way towards strippers for the rest of your life...but that's your story and I won't try and talk you out of it.

I'm sure he can find something more original to do for his bucks night. ;)