Childhood My Parents Think I Have False Memories.

[Catlovers141]

"My Parents Think I Have False Memories." "and I spent almost 20 years trying not to believe what...

This is very well put. Thank you so much! :)

 

[Chava]

I don't tell my parents anything and they have absolutely no business in any part of my healing/recovery, so if I come across as a bit aloof here, sorry. I don't understand having relationships like this or wanting support from parents. That being said, it sounds to me like you are not 100% sure what happened but want validation from them. If you don't even know for sure, they have a right to not feel sure either. It's a pretty big deal. But ideally they'd support you in your need to uncover truth and heal, in however that works. If it feels like they can't do that, leave them out of it.

Do you feel like you need closure on the pieces of memories or images? Have they naturally fit themselves together or are you putting them together to create a memory? I'm NOT saying you are making up sexual abuse. I'm wondering how the not-sures are forming into memories. I do understand all the fuzziness around early memories. I do know for sure, and remember pretty well, some early medical trauma, physical abuse, and sexual assault. The fuzzy memories involve images, some feelings, and memories of really odd behavior on my part... and I don't know who or if anyone hurt me but have had a nightmare of my mom molesting me. Other indicators might point there too. There is just super likely SOMETHING. When I was assaulted I felt re-triggered, mysteriously, and tried to kill myself a few days later.

But that's in no way something i'm willing to string pieces together and say what happened (I will not tell anyone that I think my mom molested me because the reality sucks too much and the pieces aren't perfectly there...and I feel no need to dig or figure this out). There is so much garbled information in my mind. I focus on my current symptoms. I have meltdowns over physical pain or feeling like it's hard to breathe. I hurt myself. I also don't connect with others. This could all be from my known traumas. But basically I'm just focusing on managing all of this better....and as I do that some of my trauma starts to make more sense (I have connected some of my worst feelings of immobilization to very early body memories).

Aside from telling your parents about suspected abuse, do they know you are in therapy? Are they supportive otherwise? I believe this feels invalidating but I wonder if they read that you aren't sure and personally don't believe it could have happened and also sense safer for you to not believe that too. That's not saying disbelieve reality. But I'm not sure, in what you write, if you are sure this happened and I wonder if your parents are also working around reading that off of you...and maybe even meaning to be supportive, even if it feels like invalidation? Not sure I'm saying what I mean. Feel free to disregard if confusing or unhelpful.

 

[Powder]

Hun, when my little sister blurted out about what our father and his friend were doing to us in our home, my mom's response was to get angry and to take us to the river in the night and try to drown us, either as a threat, or as a real intent to homicide, I don't know.

Like Chava, I do not have any connection to the parents, both are the 100% cause of my life-long PTSD.

That said, I do feel that what your parents are doing right now is called emotional abandonment. They are basically not supporting you or listening to you, nor validating you.

I have read that this is damaging and retraumatizing.

For this reason, I am disappointed in them as human beings, who in my book are not emotionally healthy enough to be validating to most people who are just being honest. They seem like the type who are only comforted by lies and the illusions of this world as a "safe" place. They live in a bubble?

IF you feel they live in a buffer zone of limited views and a lack of ability to critically think about reality, then I wouldn't expect too much of them overall in this area.

Get that need met elsewhere: here, therapy, and new friends who actually accept people for who they are and have standards but not wholly illusory ones.

I sympathize and hope that someday, to you, it won't really matter what they "think they think."

At 24, you can survive and thrive without their validation.

I wish you well, Muse