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My Road To Here.

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Ronin1

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This will probably be a long introduction, so here goes.

I'm a 30 year old male from Denmark (Scandinavia). I live with my girlfriend, that I meet last year after getting divorced. We have a little daughter together, and she is almost three month old.

In 2009 I was sent to Helmand province in Afghanistan. I was stationed in the Gereshk area.
I was a group medic and rifleman, in an mechanized company. The most of the time we were on operations, or deployed at on of the small PB's in the area.
Things began going wrong while we were down there, and the last 2 month of my deployment I hardly slept, and I got increasingly aggressive, toward everyone around me. It was also here my nightmares began.

When I got back home to Denmark, I got help rather quickly. I was very aware that I had some problems. But getting help was halfhearted on my behalf, and all the symptoms kept recurring after some time.
I dropped out of the army in 2011 to go study in the civilian, and wow, that was like an mental explosion, being an warrior of mind, but living in the civilian world, it's still like that.
I got divorced last year, because my ex wife couldn't live with the person I was now.
Now three years after I got home, and I have an diagnosis on the ghost that haunt me every single day. PTSD.

It's frightening to have an diagnosis, and I feel like a mental case having it. I have worked so hard since I left the Army in 2011, I have taken some classes preparing for an education to becoming an Occupational therapist, the kind of people that help people like.... me.
But in June I became a farther, and everything came tumbling down. I could not take test on my school, so now am taking a leave from my study. I have nightmares, I get aggressive, I cannot concentrate, I keep most people at a distance, I get anxiety attacks where I cannot breathe, I cannot take care of my daughter when she cry, and so on.. Most times, I'm not a pleasant guy to be around.

I'm am suppose to go back to school in November, but right now, it seems like it's impossible.
I am going to some group sessions with some other veterans that should start this fall, but I cannot wait for it to start, better yesterday than tomorrow.
I feel like a zombie, going around not fitting in. It's like I see everything from the outside, like I'm not really here.
And a lot of the time I feel depressed with tears on the verge of pouring out.

My girlfriend is a great help. She do not try to tell me that she knows what I'm going through, but just ask me what I need, and if there's anything she can do. I could not ask for anything better.

Wow. That was a long intro. Hope it's ok... I'm just here to lurk and to talk to someone who might understand what I feel like, without having the person sitting right in front of me. Hope you understand.
 
Hey Johnny

Welcome to the forums. You're going find that you're not alone in all the things that you're experiencing and feeling. I know that doesn't help at the moment but be assured that it can, with time, get better. There are people from a lot of different wars and places in the world. We all have one thing in common, though, we all have PTSD. Sorry, there's no joy is saying that to anyone. Actually what you're experiencing is 'normal' for someone that's been in combat. There's a lot of good people here willing to help in any way we can and a ton of info. Let me or anyone here know what we can do to help. You're not alone. I'm glad you made it home.

JarHed
 
Welcome to the forum. you on the right path getting help. That is a major battle you have won. Time will help with the rest I promise it will get better with time. Try to find ways to reduce stress.
 
Evening mate. Fellow medic, Sangin 2009-2010, left the Army in 2011 to go to university. Saw a fair few Danish troops here and there.

Speak to your school, they should have a disabilities team; it might feel like shit admitting your ptsd, but they can make adjustments.

Nowt worse than sitting in a room with 50 plus people, behind you; I learnt that lesson eventually.

Welcome Johnny, hope this place informs you like it has so many.

Armadillo is a great documentary following you guys, I don't dare watch it now Understand my ptsd
 
welcome to the forum, glad you found us. like dan said ask about disabilities group it could help you a lot. have you thought about meds? have you talked to a doc about therapy? stress can bring out symptoms, being a new father can be stressful...dont be suprised when you feel this beast popping up in your life during stressful times, or sometimes for no apparent reason at all. you have a lot on your plate, I hope you are getting the medical help you need, and your girlfriend is also talking to someone....information is a great weapon against this....find all you can, there is lots on here as well. heres to better days for all of us.
 
Welcome Johnny, your the first from Denmark, it's unfortunate, but I am glad we are expanding, the more we can help the better, and there are thousands out there that need it.
 
Morning Johnny. Thanks for the intro, I recognise a lot of that. Big plus for you is knowing what it is. Start mending, mate.
 
god morgen Johnny, vorden gar det?

Welcome to our slightly dysfunctional family.

The diagnoses maybe frieghtning, but now that you can give it name you can start on getting a grip on it.

Kigge efter dig og haenge hard Bror
 
Thanks for the warm welcome guys.

Dan84: Armadillo was shot when I was there, it was our sister company. But I haven't seen it ether.

JennyMag: Yes. We have a veteran center here in Denmark that got the whole thing going, with getting an diagnosis, and getting me on to this therapy. The therapy I'm going to attend is a group based therapy that has some individual therapy, physiotherapy and mindfulness overlapping.

The worst thing about this whole thing is, that I cannot share the things with ones who have not been subject to the same as me. They cannot comprehend what it feels like, or the thoughts I go through on a daily basis. And if I open up, just a little, people tend to say... "I - Understand - you" and that gets me up in the red...
 
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