My Sister And Her Cat - Feedback Requested

[Casey_03]

You might also mention to her that it seems like her frustration actually came from a GOOD place, not a bad place. She was frustrated because she was watching another creature suffer and there was nothing she could do about it. That is one of the most painful things to endure, for anybody. It speaks of her empathy and compassion. That she felt bad about it afterwards just shows how incredibly sensitive she is. I went through a similar thing when my mother was dying and my attempts to comfort her kept failing ... I got so frustrated I reacted with anger at her, and then later felt like an awful, terrible human being. But she herself understood why I was reacting with anger, and other family members had nearly identical reactions. When I told a therapist about it all later, she told me exactly what I'm telling you here -- frustration is a completely normal reaction to feeling helpless in the face of another's suffering. And anger is too, as crappy as that is. The most important thing here is that your sister was aware of her emotions and actually felt bad about it. If anything, that means she's not abusive.

 

[City Slicker]

Those are beautiful words @Casey_03 and I am very grateful to you for illustrating this side of things. I will deliver these thoughts to her today - I think today she will be in a position to be able to really hear and we might be able to share some things together. Thank you again @Casey_03 - this was very, very helpful.

 

[City Slicker]

I want to thank everyone for your thoughts and words. Today I picked my sister up and we went to the vet. She hadn't slept because of worry but she had had something to eat and had been able to have a shower so she was feeling as good as she could.

Her little guy is steadily getting stronger but she wanted to take him home today. The vet quickly looked at me and then told her that they could get him ready to come home but that if she could spare him an extra day, one more day on iv fluids would be really helpful for him. Her face collapsed and she was trying to say 'ok' but all she could do was nod her head. He's doing so much better and he's such a fighter.

And then I fell in love with this vet. He said, 'you are welcome to stay all night with him if you want, I have blankets and a chair for you and we have some books.' And then my face collapsed and all I could do was nod and sob... geeze, the two of us..

We took a bit of a walk around to clear our heads and my sister started telling me that she's been scared, she's been having really bad anxiety, she's had flashbacks and triggers, things we have never talked about together.

I invited her to come stay the night with me and Hank. We just got home now after having had a really good talk about PTSD, about options to get help, about her total love for this little guy, about what a good 'mother' she is and what a good person she is and that she doesn't have to be alone through things.

She's in the tub and I can hear her singing along to the radio. I think she's going to be ok.

I am going to cuddle Hank and then settle on the couch and watch some Olympic basketball!!! Yay Canadian women Beeball!!

 

[NoWhereKnowWhere]

Held it together until your last post there @City Slicker :cry: Your sister is very lucky to have such a great sister.you defiantly said the right thing. :hug:S if you accept them

 

[City Slicker]

Thank you so much @NoWhereKnowWhere - yes, I welcome your hugs and am deeply appreciative. Thank you for your wonderful words.

 

[hodge]

I've just been very moved by this whole discussion. I just wish you, your sister and your animals all the best. You are all in my prayers. :hug:

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I think you have said and done all of the right things and been such a source of great support to your sister. I also think that you are an amazing being and have so benefited by your posts so thank you for being you.

 

[scout86]

Not much I can add to what's already been said. Except that she might want to consider that, not only is kidney failure hard for most owners to spot, she's also never seen it before (I'm guessing) and maybe wasn't even aware that it was a thing that happens to older cats. Your vet sounds amazing. I hope the cat has a few more lives left in him. (And I'm trying to imagine what it would be like to have a sibling like you, and I can't! :) )

 

[Deleted member 33052]

@City Slicker I'm sorry, I can't read all of the responses, so if this has been said, please disregard it.

This is the trick that saved me from self-loathing. Ask your sister to think about how she would respond if you had come to her with this issue. I'm betting she would say that you're only human, everyone makes mistakes, you had every right to feel frustrated (and to express your frustration), and you did the very best you could have done. If she says any of all of these responses, tell her that she deserves as much compassion and understanding as she was prepared to give you.

Also, we all know that hindsight is 20/20. We have all made mistakes - ignorant, negligent even abusive - that we deeply regret afterwards.

:hug: for you, your sister, and the fur babies!

 

[City Slicker]

@gizmo - you have touched my heart and I have learned much from your messages. Thank you so much.

Thank you @hodge - I am so grateful for your prayers and thoughts.

@scout86, I am blushing a bit and I thank you for your message.

@Mal Content I see my sister today and I will bring this example should she become really judgemental and rough with herself. Thank you so much for reaching out.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

Sorry, @City Slicker, I finally read deep enough into the comments to realize my post was redundant.

 

[City Slicker]

Oh no not at all @Mal Content - I am so grateful for your post and your thoughts. It wasn't redundant at all in fact tonight when her babe got home, he wanted to sleep on the floor - it was hot in her apartment and he picked a cool, quiet spot.

My sis became worried as it wasn't his normal routine and started talking that maybe he wouldn't be ok and she had really hurt him. I was able to ask her in my most compassionate sister voice ever, 'and what would be telling me right now if I was saying that?' She thought for a split second and then said, 'that you murdered your cat?'. Well we both cracked up with laughter and from then on everything was ok.

I am just getting in now as I stayed for a while making sure she was able to pill him and we put more water bowls out for him.

I have his sq fluids which we set up to do in the am. The vet showed us how to give them. His skin seems so fragile but I saw on youtube that if you put the needle part in the freezer it is supposed to sting less in their old skin. She has a cabinet that we can hang the fluids from because I saw that the higher up the container is, the larger the 'drop' and the faster the fluid will go in.

He's home, my sis is home with him now and when I left them she was feeding him his special diet with her fingers and he was loving every morsel of it.

Thank you all so much. Your support was so important in helping us through this.

I will have an update on my boy Hank soon.