My Sister And Her Cat - Feedback Requested

[Deleted member 33052]

My life would have been very different if my big sister was as kind and compassionate as you.

 

[City Slicker]

@Mal Content, I wish there had been a good sister there for you. I wish there was one now for you.

Many years I thought I was a terrible sister. I had such a hard time early on because I didn't know how to help my sis and so I put distance and didn't feel I could be there when she needed me.

Over the past few days with the crisis with her little guy, I was able to tell her that and how much I regretted the way I handled things back then - I got as far away and as fast as I could. She didn't know why, she as so young. She didn't know how tortured I felt about it all until yesterday.

She had a nickname for me when we were young and when I told her how tormented I had been with the way I 'ran away' and left them all there, she used the nickname. The first time she had used it in years. The tears were healing tears.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I also jumped the ship and left three sibs behind and have endured years of survivors guilt in leaving them alone with my sadistic father. I am so glad you were able to have that conversation.

 

[City Slicker]

@gizmo - you are so compassionate and caring and I can hear how bad it was for you in trying just to survive.

I am not sure if it's similar for you but the hardest part for me to deal with was what I saw as my cruelty in turning my back on them. It took a long time for me to accept that when I left I had no value about my life being important or that my life actually mattered a lick to anyone. I realized I treated my sibs the same way. In a sense I thought they were better off without me, that somehow I was to blame for all the abuse yet and at the same time I thought I was better off without them since I obviously was failing miserably at protecting them.

Boy do we ever pay the price for decisions made by others for which we assumed responsibility. The narrative is that 'we left, we abandoned them...' not, 'where were the adults,...why wasn't anyone taking care of this...why didn't anyone stop this...why didn't anyone see...'

I guess for me it made more sense to see that I had failed because at least it meant I had some type of control...which of course, i didn't.

Amazing what a kids mind will do eh.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

@City Slicker I understand about thinking you were being cruel. I did that one as well. I felt really bad for so many years and it appears that I survived the best out of all of us and so I blamed myself.

Thank you for sharing how you felt, because I can now reframe and redefine the situation. I took the blame upon myself, wrong idea. I still feel bad in retrospect, but I was not in a position to do anything else either.:hug:

 

[katz]

cityslicker
You did a wonderful job helping you sister. I wish that one of sisters was just like you. Both you and your "babies" are in my prayers. I have 4 of my own, so I understand the love you both feel for them.