My Soon To Be Fiancé

[Mariah]

My boyfriend is currently paying off a perfect ring. We want to get married and start a good life as we are moving out of state soon. My PTSD haunts me though. And it hurts him too. I'm not secure and I don't trust him. It's not that I don't want to. He's lied to me a few times and it's stuff that should eventually be forgivable but I can't stop myself from thinking about it whenever I start to feel trust for him. Half my traumas relate to men. I've never had a good man in my life. I don't know how to love or be loved properly. He means a lot to me and I know he has the biggest heart and wants to help and wants to love me. Sometimes I feel incapable. I'm so afraid of him leaving that I tend to push him away. It's ridiculous and I just want to feel safe. I have a hard time seeing his side and his feelings because I'm always caught up in thinking he's lying to me.

 

[Justmehere]

A few questions that I have that you totally don't have to answer unless you want to:

How long have you been together? Is this relationship a long distance one?

What did he lie about? Did he commit to change his behavior?

Are you in therapy to deal with the PTSD?

Can you take things more slowly?