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- #385
bellbird
MyPTSD Pro
Ohmygod, you guys ---- I just ran!!!
I've been out walking for the last hour because I didn't get any sleep last night and figured that once I was actually able to get up, it couldn't make things any worse by going to watch the sunrise.
Once we'd been out walking for about 10 min, a little thought bubble popped up: what if we tried to run a little?
It took a lot of mind wrestling to convince myself that, yes, it is humanly possible to do this odd gait they call "running".
As soon as we'd started; one pace, then another, it became less of a mind wrestle, and more of *that thing I used to do so long ago*.
No pain, just a feeling of heaviness in my torso that I'm sure will ease with time. (I have been cleared by my surgeon to do running, I should note).
I probably managed 15 seconds. I was totally buzzing.
A little later on, we tried another 15 seconds.
And then another.
And then right at the end, feeling warmed up and super hyped, we thought: let's try once more.
A whole minute. I jogged -- a very slow jog, but, still a jog -- for a whole minute.
Ohmygod.
I think by now you can imagine that I was very teary at that.
I stood against a tree, and let the rising sun bathe me with its light. The glow matching the one I felt within me.
I realised that my music was still playing through my headphones; I'd been totally oblivious to it for that whole minute.
'This Too Shall Last' by Anderson East.
I remember listening to it a lot during inpatient last year, which was the time period when maybe it could be a good thing to actually have our spine surgery first started popping up.
Full circle.
And I can run. Ohmygod. This would have totally blown ICU-toe-wiggling-bellbird's mind.
I've been out walking for the last hour because I didn't get any sleep last night and figured that once I was actually able to get up, it couldn't make things any worse by going to watch the sunrise.
Once we'd been out walking for about 10 min, a little thought bubble popped up: what if we tried to run a little?
It took a lot of mind wrestling to convince myself that, yes, it is humanly possible to do this odd gait they call "running".
As soon as we'd started; one pace, then another, it became less of a mind wrestle, and more of *that thing I used to do so long ago*.
No pain, just a feeling of heaviness in my torso that I'm sure will ease with time. (I have been cleared by my surgeon to do running, I should note).
I probably managed 15 seconds. I was totally buzzing.
A little later on, we tried another 15 seconds.
And then another.
And then right at the end, feeling warmed up and super hyped, we thought: let's try once more.
A whole minute. I jogged -- a very slow jog, but, still a jog -- for a whole minute.
Ohmygod.
I think by now you can imagine that I was very teary at that.
I stood against a tree, and let the rising sun bathe me with its light. The glow matching the one I felt within me.
I realised that my music was still playing through my headphones; I'd been totally oblivious to it for that whole minute.
'This Too Shall Last' by Anderson East.
I remember listening to it a lot during inpatient last year, which was the time period when maybe it could be a good thing to actually have our spine surgery first started popping up.
Full circle.
And I can run. Ohmygod. This would have totally blown ICU-toe-wiggling-bellbird's mind.