My Success List

[NarcSis]

I survived my sister's visit! It was tough and I lost it a few times but I survived!

I also handled a trigger on my own. I was alone, there was no one there for me and I was able to calm myself down, reach for my 'trigger tools' and handle it.

My trigger lasted only 15 minutes because I was able to regain control!!

I was able to do an hour of relaxation the other night. I meditated and sat without moving for a whole 10 minutes before I gave in to my urge to move!

I slept 7 hours, only waking up once to go to the bathroom!!! Yayy me!!

 

[NarcSis]

Continued Success Recognition....

:smile:

I am successful more times than I allow myself to acknowledge, the smallest things can be successes;

- Today, I went out on the roof of our house to help my husband inspect the roof! No fear (okay, a little bit of fear, but Conquered!)

- I did not let my fear overtake me when my husband decided to place the ladder in the spot where he fell a few weeks ago! I was extremely anxious and I let the tears out a little but I didn't lose it. Tomorrow he will climb the ladder.

- I am regaining some control over my emotions!

- I told my therapist the other day, "Before, when I thought I was weak for being this way", she pointed out that I used the past tense - HUGE Success!

- I can say "fetus" and not immediately trigger (oooh, a little anxiety there)

- I am talking about pregnancy with my husband seriously again.

- I am noticing a more positive outlook!

- I am doing well this week, very well!

:thumbs-up

 

[NarcSis]

Yayyyy Me!!!!!

Today I made up my mind to tackle the worst possible scenario...ME on a ladder.

Everytime I begin to do anything remotely dangerous I get all anxious and I picture every possible thing that could go wrong...today I said, "I WILL do this and I WILL do this by myself. I will NOT be a prisoner of my fear!"

I put up my christmas lights in preparation for Christmas!!!!! I climbed the ladder BY MYSELF (okay, maybe not the most genius idea but the husband is at work) and I put up the lights...BY MYSELF!!!

Despite a little fear, I did it. When I got scared and my mind started to run away from me, I stopped, took a few deep breaths, thought "calm down or you will get hurt, it is a long fall". I held on tight to the ladder and fought back. I did it! There is a difference between being Hypervigilant and being 'paranoid' - hypervigiliance kept me safe today, like a good medic, I used it like it is supposed to be used (minus the stupidity of not having a spotter :crazy:).

Death, come get me, I challenge YOU!
:hello:

Yayy me!

 

[NarcSis]

Trigger 'relief'

Yesterday, I triggered while walking through the mall (with my husband). It was VERY crowded (not the trigger - I'll edit the actual trigger out right now).

- I was able to know that the feelings were escalating to a point where I wouldn't be able to suppress them. Recognition!!

- I was able to think clearly enough to beeline for the nearest display window/wall. Preparation!!

- I was able to think clearly enough to realize I needed to breathe and try to ground myself. Control!!

- I was brave enough to ignore the people who were gathering to stare and I was able to concentrate on bringing myself down. Courage!!

- I was able to regain control enough to move toward an exit in about 10 minutes. Decreased Timeline!!!

I am proud of me again today. Keep it up 'me', you'll get there!!

:clap:

 

[Dylan]

Hi Medic72,

I want to thank you for posting your running success list here. I'm inspired. Too often my focus is on what I need to work on, how far I have to go, etc. I'm going to add this to my morning practice to set the stage for my day.

Thanks again - a great inspiration.

-Dylan

 

[NarcSis]

Any little thing can be a success. If you had one less anxiety reaction in a day, that is a success! Successes happen everyday, they may not be the same everyday and we may diminish their value by cancelling them out if it doesn't happen everytime.
Be glad about one little thing everyday and pat yourself on the back.

Here are my successes today:

I turned around my depression - I cried for a little while and I recognized that I was getting depressed; I put on a comedy and asked my husband to tell me something light and funny. We went out to dinner to give me a distraction, its hard to be depressed when you are in public. I may not be out of the woods exactly, but right now, I feel like smiling, not crying!!!

I just realized that I am helping people with this list. This is the biggest success of all.

 

[NarcSis]

Successes this week:

- This week I have had two nights of at least 8 hours of sleep! Each morning I awoke feeling completely sluggish and not wanting to wake up, but if I let myself continue to sleep I likely would have missed an entire day.

- Last night my sleep was interrupted by a few nightmares, but that's okay, I fell asleep again right after them! I usually toss and turn for hours or end up getting out of bed to do something, last night, I lay back down after waking up, told myself I was okay and safe, concentrated on my breathing and the next thing I knew, I was waking up again two hours later!! I fell asleep again within about 15 minutes!!!!! I'm getting better at this!

- I have begun to work on my exposure hierarchy again on my own! It was a little disturbing (likely contributed to the nightmares) but I did it. I faced the anxiety, I 'sat with it' for a while and I diminished it for the first thing on my list!!

- This may disturb some - I spoke to my husband frankly about a baby who'd fallen to his death, normally I do not speak of these 'work related' topics but I felt compelled to 'normalize' the event. I learned the inside knowledge of the incident, not the 'story' on TV and then I used humour to deal with how uncomfortable it made me. I think asking if he bounced did it for me, when my husband laughed, I knew I was on the right track. I fought the fear. I fought the tears and I managed to normalize and talk about a disturbing pediatric call. Big Success - retrain the thought patterns surrounding disturbing topics.

- "Pardon me, I may cry." This was during a conversation with my husband and then neither of us reacted to the symptoms that emerged until it was necessary. My eyes watered, I continued talking. My voice cracked, I swallowed to clear it and kept going. The anxiety started to tighten my muscles and I consciously worked to relax them. I am becoming more aware of my Reactions and more able to combat them!!

I am improving.

-

 

[NarcSis]

My therapist told me to add something in here..........god help me, I cannot remember what she said....it was damn good too.....huh, so much for my 'realization of the day'....should have wrote it in here when she told me huh?

- I survived a night terror....he,he,he, so did my husband - unscathed.
- I slept another full night on Saturday night, I even "slept in"
- I endured a 24 hr unexpected visit from my sister and my hypochondriac neice (who incidentally began experiencing night terrors while she was here - faker).
- I am realizing that right now, I need to care for ME before others - now to figure out how to do this.

I'm smiling. I'm joking around. I'm looking forward to Christmas...I'm smiling!

 

[NarcSis]

Rebuild and Restore

I'm on a roll tonight. Been doing alot of going over; examining the things that helped to make me, me. Where did my values come from? How did I learn those particular lessons that lead to my beliefs? I've been uncovering alot of things that I realize now were "destroyed in the fire" so to speak.

More importantly, despite having read this so many times and being consciously aware of it on an intellectual level, I realized that to get back to where I was before my trauma, I will need to:

"Rebuild and Restore"

I need to rebuild my sense of self. How do I do that? By looking back at me and acknowledging that despite things that I went through as a child, I still grew, I still established values, beliefs and developed morals. And guess what? I survived and I became a strong adult, if not with some wonky coping mechanisms.

I need to rebuild the links that lead to my 'wonky coping' and I need to improve them so that I can restore a more appropriate "flow" of thinking.

I need to restore the natural flow.

The person I was before I entered that washroom that day at work, well, she was 'coping' and she needs to not be 'coping' anymore, she needs to heal. Once she is healed, and the natural flow of things is restored, only then can she move forward, stronger than she was the day she opened that stall door.

This is my successful realization of the day!!!

:thumbs-up

 

[Nicky31]

Hi medic. I've been reading your thread from my sick bed. You must be so proud of your ongoing little victories! Hold onto these. So glad you are taking on challenges and looking out to future possibility. Well done! Keep looking after yourself