My Sufferer Has Really Got My Head Spinning

[Roce]

My head is in a spin. I mean no dissrespect to any sufferer but my combat vet is a complete asshole! I'm so confused I don't even know how to proceed with what I want to say? He makes me feel like everything is akways my fault. He got so he had pretty much ousted me away since early December with minimal contact I'd say. All he wants to do is work. We've been together a little over 3 years and I just can't take it anymore. I told him I wanted to be done, I was done and now he's texting me all sorts of mean things. How he had went to his friend for advice about me and his friend said I'm stupid. Why am I stupid? He hardly speaks to me and spends no time with me and I honestly feel like dirt and some toy he pulls out to play with when he feels like it and only when he feels like it. It makes perfect sense to me why I want to be done? So now I'm getting all these messages that I'm ignorant and trash and stupid bla bla bla. Why can't he seem to comprehend he's treated me really shitty?

 

[Wecih]

I don't think his behavior is caused by PTSD, he's just emotionally abusive. PTSD is no excuse for this shit.

 

[Ekol]

I hate the blame game. My vet does that at times, and it is frustrating. Ok pal, your PTSD is ramping up your self protection mode and stress about the relationship, fine... But don't use bullshit and/or project nonsense onto me to justify your stress. I know despite what he says at times, I'm fairly intelligent, have no diagnosed mental disorder, am not "trippin", nor am I toxic.

 

[Aku]

I also get blamed for everything. One of the chicken dies - my fault. A horse throws a shoe - my fault. The dog throws up - my fault.

But honey, if you are done - then be done. Block his number. You don't have to listen to his shit anymore.

 

[Vukut]

I have PTSD. I take no offense!

This guy is a jerk.

I think you deserve better.

(It's ok to vent.)

 

[Gukew]

Yeah, this isn't caused by PTSD. PTSD is his excuse to be an asshole. Sorry for being so blunt.

 

[Pibe]

Honestly, combat PTSD is a whole different animal than civilian PTSD.

And while it's by no means any excuse for him being a jerk, combat PTSD sufferers are far more likely to verbally lash out than non combat sufferers (just ask any wife of a vet with combat PTSD!) They employ a different "coping" tactic in which they've been taught to disarm and shut down the "enemy" (in this case, you) as quickly as possible. It can be hard to shut this way of thinking off, and constructive forms of dealing with conflict almost have to be relearned.

My advice to you is to please not enable him. He needs to first, realize how his actions are affecting you; secondly, take responsibility for those actions; then finally, actually do something to fix them. He may really benefit from some form of consistent therapy. The VA offers a wide range of free therapies, including sessions you can also sit in on to learn.

Most importantly, stay strong. Know your worth and what you deserve and don't deserve. You walking away from him for now may be the biggest wake up call he'll get.

Best of luck to you sweetie.

 

[Mula]

Most of the supporters here are supporters of combat vets... We know all too well. It doesn't matter why, it matters that he's doing it.

He's being an asshole. PTSD doesn't excuse it.

 

[Nowani]

Ok yes, he's being a jerk, there's no question there.

But I would argue he's not being a jerk in isolation or just for the sake of being one. PTSD can very much make people (ESPECIALLY COMBAT VETS) act like giant assholes when it's outside their typical character to act that way.

Check out the supporter video series on this site if you care to find out the WHY behind the WHAT.

 

[Upevo]

In the situation above it's maliciousness... Not a response to stressors. He isn't lashing out in a rage, he is methodically smearing her name and being an asshole. You can't excuse everything with PTSD. Combat vets included.