Relationship My Sufferer Might Be Leading Me On...help!!!

[Brkngirl46]

Hi everyone, I haven't posted in a long time but I'm here everyday, I'm struggling with what I think is going on and what might be a warped perception. ..any insight, advoce would be appreciated. Thank you

Me and my sufferer have known each other for a long time, were involved in a very passionate relationship, it was a deep connection between us and then last July he was triggered. He started going to counseling, then shortly after he had to go do maneuvers for a total of two weeks. During these two weeks he began to isolate...pull away. He started breaking promises, not texting in the morning...really he just wasn't keeping his word i;e: when he would promise to call and then not, he would blow it off when we did talk. He told me how busy he was but then showed me videos with him and his co-workers. Or tell me they were all going out for whatever....then say he'd call me later, not do it and then yell at me if I mentioned it. That was the beginning of the end....as I felt it. So moving forward he told me a couple times that he couldn't be in a relationship and he wanted me to go find someone that wouldn't hurt me, I needed to go and be happy. I told him I love you and all I want is you to be happy so if its me going away then so be it....whatever would help him I would try and do for him. My heart was shattered and honestly its almost a year and I still cry, I still hurt so much that at times I can hardly breathe. He doesn't reach out to me....he will randomly call or text and say he wants to see me....then when we do its always for sex, even though I told him I couldn't be that because it makes me feel unloved, cheap. In between he rately texts, never calls....I know he is hiding this and me from his family, even though I knew them....but I'm the secret. He goes out with his brothers, his friends all the time but we dont even go to the gas station together. He has on several occassions left me waiting without even a text saying he wasnt coming. Two days ago he said he wanted to come see me and that was supposed to be today, yet again nothing from him. So I guess I just need to hear it from outsiders..what I really already know. Thank you so much


Always,
Me

 

[Lucycat]

I am so sorry you are hurting, but it sounds like he is not a very caring person. It is not the PTSD it is him not being honest with you. You deserve better.

 

[Casey_03]

I'm sorry that he's treating you like trash, but I'm glad that you are at least already aware of it. Cut all ties and ignore him, stop this masochistic game. You say you don't want to feel cheap and unloved -- but that's apparently exactly how he sees you. So why let him walk all over you at all? That's the question -- why do you let him do this? Do you honestly think if you tolerate enough of it he will suddenly have some magical revelation and change his behavior? Not going to happen. His behavior is dictated not only by his own decisions, but also by what boundaries you set -- and you've already made it clear to him there are no boundaries and he can treat you like trash and get away with it. It was doomed from the second this started happening. Not saying any of this to be harsh or judgmental, I have just been in this situation before and know all too well how it ends. Please wake up and realize you're better than this, and he's not worth it.

 

[Casey_03]

Also, just to add, when I was in this situation myself (and I have been a few times), I thought it was love and I was just being devoted. Years later, I look back and realize the real reason I was letting this happen at all was because I was punishing myself out of grief over my mother's death -- I preferred to feel pain and be used rather than feel nothing at all. It might be worth considering what is going on in your own mind that would allow this to happen, if anything. I am inclined to think there is some reason for you allowing this.

 

[Sweetpea76]

What are you getting out of all this? You love him, but he's making you feel miserable, unloved, and like trash. That's not love.

Would you let somebody without PTSD treat you like this?

 

[Purplemunchkin]

This forum has taught me so much. One of the first lessons was about boundaries.

My main boundary; I will not allow myself to be treated badly.

Initially that was a tool for when hubby was being an ar$e, but I now apply it to all relationships.

You are being treated badly, so what are you going to do about it? Let him carry on, or tell him enough is enough?

 

[Brkngirl46]

I'm sorry that he's treating you like trash, but I'm glad that you are at least already aware of it. Cu...

Thank you, all of you....I know it was true ....I guess I just needed that extra kick ya know? That "someone from the outside looking in" honest opinion.

I will be ok, because I've been dealing with this break up(?) if thats what it was, for almost a year so it's time to be true to me! Thank you again and I'll be around just a little quiet. I sent him a final message good bye and would like to share that but not sure if it's allowed. There is no personal information in it

 

[hangingon]

I'm so sorry to hear you've been dealing with this. It is so hard to care about someone and be treated like an after thought. I wish you happiness and healing

 

[Brkngirl46]

I'm so sorry to hear you've been dealing with this. It is so hard to care about someone and be treated...

Thank you so much. Its been difficult because everytime I started to heal and move on,here he'd come again. Then I'd forget about the bad times and only remember the good...until he'd leave again, then the confusion and sadness would be back. So I've been "letting go" for almost a year. Ha thats a long time..oh well I really love this site, its helped me alot just feeling like I belong and a part of something!

 

[Navy Girlfriend]

I am going through something very similar. My boyfriend started blowing me off, like literally telling me he was on his way over, and just not showing up, not answering his phone or texts. And he wouldn't call when he said he would and sometimes took awhile to respond to my texts. I recently found evidence that he was cheating on me with his ex gf. I kept making excuses for him and I was even considering forgiving him. But now I have started to realize that he was treating me terribly and I let him get away with it. It is really hard to accept because he was not this person before he got diagnosed with PTSD from being in combat. Sometimes I wish so badly that I could have him back the way he used to be. But I have to accept that he's just not the same and move on. I'm here if you ever need to talk.