My T Crushed Me

[Springer80]

I think I put too much hope in getting better, and the whole theraputic process... he assured me that I would be able to go back to my old job - ER nurse - with no problems. I had to quit because my back surgery didn't fix my pain. About 6 months in, I read the surgeon's chart notes to him and he never said I would go back to my old job again. He thought my pain was psychological, but was assuring me it was "real". He now says that I should get an eval on my back before I go back to work.

Hi Monster,

I'm a bit confused about the above....So you T guarantees he can cure you ptsd and he's so sure he states you can be an ER nurse again (Cool job by the way...Respect :tup:) But then you had to quit anyway cos the surgery didn't work out. And the reason your T made such promises was because he thought your back pain was psychosomatic regarding the trauma incident/s but when you read your T your med notes, he said you would never work again and changed his opinion of your pain to real (physiological).

1. T shouldn't guarantee cure = :mad:
2. T. Doesn't know what its like to be and ER Nurse = :confused:
3. Psychosomatic or otherwise pain is pain = :rolleyes:
3. T not qualified to make assumptions about your physical diagnoses = :speechless:
4. T not qualified to make sweeping and damaging statements about your future ability to work = :mad:

For someone who supposedly works with trauma he could use a little brush up on his expectation management.

Sorry you have what sounds like a reasonably serious physical injury? Do you have movement issues, is the damage permanent or could it be rectified over time with physio etc?

Also sorry you had to quit your job, especially such a skilled one. However, you might end up being able to use this ptsd stuff to help, in conjunction with your existing training. You'd be far better qualified than the Captain Tactful you see!!

Don't let them kick you when your down (at the very least roll out of the way!!!) :) X

 

[DharmaGirl]

Lol, Captain Tactful. I quit because the back surgery didn't fix the weakness and pain. I have L4-5 damage down the pathway.

As for my T, the diagnosis on my chart was originally Failed Back Surgery Syndrome. There is still moderate to severe stenosis in L1-3. He didn't say I would never work again, he said I needed an eval to see where I was physically at. In his defense, I often hear things he doesn't say, lol. I've started to clarify now. I was told I would need more surgery, but I don't want it.

Anyway, I spent a lot of today's session clarifying stuff and I realized that I like him, I have HUGE abandonment issues which I project on him often, and when I clarify with him I realize the Irish in me has changed things, lol. I guess that is also part of therapy.

I recently remembered something horrible, and I don't want to talk about it, so I think I am making up reasons why I can't tell him. Such as - I don't trust him, he is a jerk, he is mean, etc...

I think I will journal more, clarify more, meditate, exercise and get out more. And be more honest in therapy.

 

[DharmaGirl]

It has been working for the past 24 hours, lol. I acutally slept 6 hours in a row!! Wow! I think will all of your help I am moving in a good direction. I need to depend on myself more, and learn how to take care of myself. Thank God for this forum and the help I get here!

 

[Springer80]

It has been working for the past 24 hours, lol. I acutally slept 6 hours in a row!! .... I need to depend on myself more, and learn how to take care of myself.

Hi Monster,

Glad you got some sleep :sleep:..must be a relief. Just in case there was a touch too much 'pull your socks up' in the 'depend on myself' bit. Remember you ain't SuperWoman too!

The back stuff doesn't sound great, I have no clue what L4-5 pathways are or stenosis but I can't say I blame you for not wanting more surgery. Is the pain muscular or nerve? I was wondering if you'd try acupuncture, saunas, Pilates? etc

 

[DharmaGirl]

The pain is from the spinal cord being squished in my lower back from arthritis. It is all nerve pain. I tried PT, acupuncture, jaccuzi, nerve stimulator, yoga, narcotics, anti inflammatories, and a pain psychologist. I still use all that stuff as well as meditation. It is not as bad as it used to be.

I do want to get my symptoms under control (PTSD), and work in psych nursing. Seeing the other side was so helpful. So many of the nurses needed more training with PTSD. I think it is a strong goal to work on long term. At first I was afraid I'd be triggered all the time, but I'm going to get better so I can do this.

Oh, and I slept 10 hours last night. Ten whole hours!! I'm in heaven!!

 

[Springer80]

It is all nerve pain. I tried PT, acupuncture, jaccuzi, nerve stimulator, yoga, narcotics, anti inflammatories, and a pain psychologist. I still use all that stuff as well as meditation.

I do want to get my symptoms under control (PTSD) So many of the nurses needed more training with PTSD. I think it is a strong goal to work on long term....but I'm going to get better so I can do this.

Hi Monster,

Glad to hear the sleep-o-metre is going in the right direction. I suppose you've tried everything alternative that's going. From what I understand of nerve damage I would have thought more surgery was pointless, because even if they re-arrange bones, cartlidge etc if the nerve is damaged it's damaged. However, I understand that in neurology they are coming up with ways to stop nerve pain receptors in the brain, so you never know?

Do you have strong pain relief injections or meds? Someone I knew a while back ended up addicted to morphine and she said coming off that was worse than the year in traction from her operation.

I've changed my opinion greatly about how to approach ptsd, I give it as much room as it needs and have stopped trying to overcome it. It seems to be working. Its like the aftershocks from an earthquake, they take time to radiate out and subside. I think all the stress of trying to cover it up caused me more hassle in the long run. I think I've adopted the old school WWI/II of active convalescence.

Hope things with your T work out better?

 

[DharmaGirl]

I have a tiny dose of narcs (That's what the pain doc told me, lol). I only take them when the pain is really bad. I don't do the shots. Some nerve damage can be repaired if you continue to use the muscles, and the bone is still pinching the nerves in several areas. Those aren't damaged yet.

I like the idea of active convelscence. I am trying to live my life incorporating all of the things I'm learning, and some days it is easier than others. I should make a list...

 

[Springer80]

Some nerve damage can be repaired if you continue to use the muscles, and the bone is still pinching the nerves in several areas. Those aren't damaged yet.

Sounds harsh but also hopeful....I'll keep my fingers crossed!

 

[DharmaGirl]

Thanks!

 

[DharmaGirl]

A year from now, you'll amaze yourself when you look back on this thread.

Ok, it hasn't been quite a year, but I am still amazed at how far I've come. I don't run out of the therapy room anymore. My therapist (T) doesn't try to stop you or hinder you in any way, He lets you have the behavior and pretty soon I learned that I didn't get anything out of it so I stopped. Now I calm myself down by breathing, I ask him to give me a minute, and then I can carry on. I try to see where I am having an issue, instead of blaming him. I am not in danger of killing myself. If he upsets me, I clarify. OK, most of the time, well, I try to clarify. At least I recognize that I should. Again, thank you to all the members who have helped me here, I appreciate it so much!

Oh, and I had another back surgery and amazingly enough, it fixed my back pain!

 

[p-no]

That is supergood news! Glad to hear!