My T Was A No Show For Second Emdr

[Esterio]

Not sure what to think. I just spent a week getting read for my second session of emdr. and my T was a no show. No notice at all. He called me 3 hours later to apologize to me. I could not even pick up the phone. I let it go to voice mail. He started off telling me that usually when he needs to change appointments he does that at the session before or he calls before the next session so that people don't show up. He was surprised that he didn't tell me.
This is the second time he has had to apologize to me. The first time was for my 3rd session I was to have. First off we had to skip a week so I would be a week with no session. Then he called and now it was going to be 3 more sessions canceled. Then he called and booked me for the fallowing week. So now we are 5 weeks with no sessions. After getting started with 60 minutes and him going to 90 minute for the second session. He was having a hard time to slow me down so that I could get home. Sessions were going over time, as he promised he would not end a session until I was feeling ok to leave.
This is someone that I need to feel safe with and competent of. I am scared of everything that is coming out I have never told anyone much of what happen. I need to be able to tell him or there is no sense in going. I have been getting on well with him but I am afraid I have put up another one of those f*cking walls now.
I live in an isolated community and don't think I have any other choice of a T that works with Ptsd and childhood trauma with out a day of travel and maybe over night so that is out. Have trouble getting my feet back on to the ground and to decide what to do.

 

[charismaria]

Did he reschedule with you? To me, it does sound like your T is probably stretched too thin at times and you are at a place where you really need dependable support. I would suggest that you address this first thing and how he reacts will give you a good read on his character and sincerity. Also, a lot of people are doing therapy via Skype these days. Would that be an option?

 

[Kintsugi]

That's a really tough situation considering you don't really have other options. IMO, no T is better than a bad one, but maybe this was just a really long fluke? Can you sit down with him and discuss the likelihood that scheduling will be an ongoing problem? Setting really clear boundaries about how much of this crap you'll allow in the future may be helpful, and then you can decide what's right for you?

 

[Freedomfighter]

Did he reschedule with you? To me, it does sound like your T is probably stretched too thin at time...

I always wondered about that too, using skype could introduce a lot more flexibility, however then payment options should also be given online, so that the patient can sign up for the skype session and pay online.

However, there are only so many days in the week and only so many hours in the day. I myself run a business too and it is very tough to be able to schedule customer appointments in order to meet requirements of different customers.

Furthermore, I am determined to have my life with enough time to enjoy it. It is sooooo easy to schedule one appointment after the other and then to realize that more and more of my free time is scheduled away for client appointments. Then what happens is that I am not spending enough time for my own health matters and do not have enough time to get things done in my personal life, and yes that includes having enough free time.

What happens then is that I will have to reschedule too to get a little more breathing room in my life.

It is very easy to have too many appointments scheduled, ask any business owner and they will all know what I am talking about.

 

[Esterio]

Did he reschedule with you? To me, it does sound like your T is probably stretched too thin at time...

Thanks for your reply.
He did try to reschedule but for a time that was no good for me so. So I call and left a message telling him I would just come next week at my usual time. I think he has health problems. That is no excuse not to call me to cancel. I am not very good about that type of conversation. I intend to try though. Online or Skype I only have a wifi connection not sure how private I am on it.I have my own net work with pass code. Not sure how secure it is. Maybe an option I will look into it. It all comes to cost too. As I am covered as long as I stay in the health care system. Thanks for the info
Peace be safe

 

[Esterio]

That's a really tough situation considering you don't really have other options. IMO, no T is bette...

thanks for the reply Simply Simon
I am going to try and have that conversation with him I do not do well with conversations like that so I just hope I can keep it together and not go off on a rant. I agree no T is better than a bad one. I am thinking I should write him a letter so that I can get it all out. I get frustrated easily and loose it when I do. Might do him some good to see me loose it, then he would know who he is dealing with. I don't think any thing good would come out of that so I will try hard not to loose control.

 

[Fayne Jane]

Can you find another Therapist? EMDR in my experience is very intense and I think having a reliable Therapist is crucial.

 

[Esterio]

Can you find another Therapist? EMDR in my experience is very intense and I think having a reliable...

Thanks for the reply Fayne Jane
At my last session my T took full ownership of his mistake and my me feel it would never happen again. He realized that it hurt me and said he was sorry. I have excepted his apology and we are going to continue with Emdr this week.
Peace be safe

 

[Ocin]

Hey Esterio just wanted to say that I am thinking of you after seeing your struggles with booking your EMDR provider mentioned on another thread. I've seen some folks keep their own time for sessions so they don't run over their comfort zone-- I know that I would be lousy at that-- I struggle w time no matter which side of the desk I'm on.
The reimbursement thing really messes with all of us-- how many people spend 45 min when connecting with a close friend or family member to process really tough stuff? More like 60 minutes at a minimum, more likely 2 hr or so. I struggle to limit my sessions with pts like me-- the attachment folks are often so disconnected it takes 30-40 min of chit chat before they can connect w feelings, they warm up and are about to dig in and sessions over. Hopefully as my own healing progresses I can discover tools to help them make the leap sooner w the time limits we have.
And the idea of so much coming so fast-- that is good that it's there for you to access. For me making a timeline helped direct the work-- perhaps you could construct one to provide some structure and orientation to the key events in your life?
Positive thoughts. I'm just happy to be on the path with so many others. Brings light even when I have dark moments.

While confidentiality and the idea of a psychotherapist as a blank slate is relevant I also imagine that it may help you to have some idea of the factors that are impacting your provider's ability to provide reliable and consistent treatment. At this point consider asking at the beginning of your next session for what you need to feel secure and grounded to continue-- you don't need (the therapist's) diagnoses, prognoses or promises (esp if he can't keep them) but you deserve to have some indication of whether this is how he always practices or if this is a fluke due to major life events.
Peace.

 

[Esterio]

Hey Esterio just wanted to say that I am thinking of you after seeing your struggles with booking your EMD...

Thanks for the post. So yesterday I got a call from my T office and this weeks session is canceled too. This is not care any more I think it is hurting me more. I have had 6 session with this T and had at least 5 others canceled. Everything is at the surface and coming out of me. My T gets me started and has a hard time getting me to stop after 90 minutes so that he can get me settled enough to leave. Then the next appointment is cancelled leaving me with all this unprocessed trauma's on my own. I don't think I will go to my next session. I think I will stop therapy until I can find a new T that has time for me. At this time in therapy I have been trying to get all of my trauma's into a container for safe keeping To be kept there until I could deal with them one at a time with my T. I have been struggling to get them into the container. I have done some what of a time line with the help of my T. Due to TBI's I have whole blocks of time gone they think I have lost a lot of memory.

 

[Ocin]

Thanks for the post. So yesterday I got a call from my T office and this weeks session is canceled too....

I think it is reasonable to terminate with this provider. You can call and assert your decision-- that may feel good in terms of taking control of the situation. Even expressing your reasons for stopping with this therapist to their staff can be therapeutic. We all know when something is or is not working, but some of us were conditioned to undermine our own interests. Speaking up can be an exercise in itself. I've had to do so and it wasn't easy but it was right. I wish you well on your journey.

 

[Esterio]

I think it is reasonable to terminate with this provider. You can call and assert your decision-- that ma...

i am going to try and get my doctor to help me with this I think. I am not good at confrontations no matter how small they maybe I don't do good there. I think I have been doing good so far I have not blown up. I have been close to the boiling point. so I don't think I will be confronting the mental health people on my own.