Not sure if anyone's still reading this one, but I can identify with what JadeB and a lot of the other posters are talking about.
It's weird because, at the time of the original posting, I hadn't even met my current T, and I wouldn't for another year! I'm thinking back to how I was with him then, at our beginnings, versus how I am with him now when it comes to him displaying various emotions. There's quite a difference, let me tell you!
At first, when I'd share things, my T would make sad faces. Like, really sad faces. Then, during one session, I shared something and then noticed that my T's eyes were wet and getting a little red. I was so freaked out! I didn't say anything at the time, I think I just kept a puzzled look on my face because I didn't understand what was going on at all.
However, during the next session, I confronted him about the "incident." I told him what I had noticed without making it sound like I was accusing him of crying. To give a little context, I grew up understanding masculinity in a certain, rigid, way. I believed that men never cry (publicly, anyway) and if they do, it's because, quoting my father, "someone died/was born, they broke-up with their girlfriend, or they lost a championship game." That's. It.
So, naturally, at the time I was dazed and confused as to why in the world this supposed "man" was on the verge of tears just because I said some stuff to him. It was such a serious infraction, in my mind, that I thought I would have to leave him and find another T! I can't work with a "man" who is really nothing more than a weak punk, can I?
Well, my T's response was not what I was expecting at all. He basically told me that yes, he was getting emotional; yes, sometimes he hears things that cause him to become emotional; and yes, I would be sure to see him emotional again in the future, repeatedly.
He basically put the ball in my court, so to speak. If I had a problem with him getting emotional...then there'd be a problem, since "getting emotional" is very natural for him. He wasn't backing down or trying to make excuses for his behavior. He was straight with me and told me how things were gonna be if I decided to keep working with him, and I greatly respected that.
I'm so glad I chose to keep seeing him! I don't regret that decision at all. Seeing my T tear up after I said something helped me see how deep and sad what I had just said really was.
I have no problem whatsoever with responding to others' stories when they've shared something sad or a time when they were treated unfairly. I simply could not respond like that to my own stories. Now, largely due to my T tearing up repeatedly, as promised, I am much better at ascertaining which of my emotions I can expect to have after sharing my stories. I've even cried in front of my T, many times! And I'm not embarrassed about that at all!
I'm a "tough girl" and "fiercely independent," and crying was never encouraged growing up. I still struggle with not associating crying with weakness, as I was taught. Everyone is, indeed, different and has different needs at different times. For me, though I did not know it then, I desperately needed to learn about my emotions.
I needed to start being shown that my emotions are valid and it's okay for me to have them. I honestly don't think I could have come as far along in my recovery as I have if I did not have a T who responded to what I had to say with many different facial expressions and, sometimes, tearing up.
Like I said, we're all different, so if you are having concerns about your T responding a certain way, I'd suggest speaking with him/her about it. They should know themselves enough and have been practicing long enough to tell when, how, and why they typically respond emotionally to things their patients/clients share with them. There's nothing wrong with feeling uncomfortable at seeing your T respond a certain way you weren't anticipating. However I'd still encourage a little bit of "soul-searching" and personal reflection to better tune in to what you, personally, feel you need right now.
Best of luck, everyone! And thanks for reading :)
