My therapist is not returning my calls

[Nessa7]

I can't get my therapist to return my calls. After seeing her for a month, I started calling her on June 8th to find out the time of my appointment for the next week, since she wasn't sure what time she would be available. I have been calling every few days since then, and she has not returned any of them. She handles all of her own scheduling. I called someone that works in the same building yesterday. I was starting to wonder if she may have had some sort of accident. She told me that my t was fine but had been busy.

What should I do? I like her when we do have appointments. Except for needing to work on how we communicate about scheduling, everything that takes place in a session is great. It's getting hard not to take this personally. I keep wondering if maybe I should be taking it personally and that she thinks I'm unreliable or something, even though I know that is something she should tell me instead of ghosting me.


Here's the full blow-by-blow:

I began seeing my therapist the first day of May. She was twenty minutes late to our first appointment because she didn't see me in the waiting area. Our second appointment happened normally. I had no appointment scheduled for the next week.

At the end of the previous appointment, I told her that I lost my appointment card on the way home from the first appointment. There was a massive storm. I wasn't able to bring up the subject again until the very end of the appointment, but she agreed with me that my next appointment was at the same day and time. It wasn't. She was on vacation and told me at my next appointment that I had been scheduled on Thursday. I didn't think it was worth telling her about the mix-up at the time, because I was excited about my appointment.

That ended up being my last appointment, but we scheduled all of June during it. My first appointment was cancelled. We hadn't decided on a time for my appointment the next week, except that it would probably be on Monday instead or the usual Tuesday. I called her once that week to see what time I should come. When she didn't call back, I called her again the day of the appointment. I didn't go because I wasn't sure what time.

We had an appointment scheduled for the normal day and time for the next week. I had called her again, but I decided to show up just in case. I waited fifteen minutes, but she didn't show up. I guess I could have waited longer, but I had given up faith and wanted to catch the bus. I was imagining sitting there miserable for another ten or fifteen minutes for her not to show up, and I had my wisdom teeth removed a few days before so I was very uncomfortable.

I've called her a few more times since then, leaving messages on her office phone and cell phone. Yesterday, I called someone in the same building, because I had started to wonder if something had happened to her. I had thought that I had caught a glimpse of her the week before, but I was second guessing myself. She said that as far as she knows everything was fine but that my t had been busy. I also called and left a message saying that I needed to cancel my appointment for today because it was the only day that my oral surgeon could do follow-up appointments, even though I would guess that I didn't have an appointment with her anyway.

 

[EveHarrington]

I wouldn't take it personally as it seems like she is terrible at scheduling and communicating.

I would however read the writing on the wall and let go of this therapist and find another one. It's going to be quite difficult to move forward in therapy if your therapist is this unreliable and it's like pulling teeth just to get an appointment. (Scheduling should be the easiest part of therapy!)

 

[UnicornSightings]

Agree! What good is therapy if you can't even see your therapist! Thankfully you haven't been seeing her for very long so playing catch up with the next one won't take very long. Get someone who is reliable! My first t was awful like that. Always late by 15-20 min. Called to reschedule maybe 4 times. We could never meet the same day/time. My current t, except for our very first appt and vacation/holidays we meet at 9am on the dot every Tuesday. I love my t.

 

[kilted]

If your therapist can't model good scheduling and organisation, it subconsciously undermines the whole process. My therapist schedules several sessions in advance, up to a month, date time, location. If they or I need to change anything we sort it when we meet for a session, or do it over text/email if it's short notice. When it's done via text/email we acknowledge receipt of the message.

Timekeeping is part of "holding the space" for the client. It's one of those weird transferential things..... the therapist has to be grounded so the clients issues are "the work". If the client is disorganised and there's some kind of subconscious avoidance process going on it's impossible to bring it into the work if the therapist's scheduling is all over the place as well!

 

[Nessa7]

I've started looking for a new therapist. When my grandfather passed away yesterday, I decided to try and see if my old t would be able to squeeze me in for a few sessions. She costs $50 more than she did before. My second choice after the t that won't call me is the same t but in a different practice. I went ahead and called anyway. There's one more option. I called and left a message. On the surface, it doesn't seem like we'll be compatible at all, but I feel like I don't have any other choices.