Childhood My Triggers Are Driving My Children Away

[NoWhereKnowWhere]

@scout86 exactly what I was just trying to write but couldn't find the appropriate words. I totally agree. Awesome job.

 

[KwanYingirl]

Thanks @scout86 . I did work hard to provide them a lovely childhood. It was fun for me too, to live in peace in Nature.

 

[rightkindofme]

Thank you all so much for your thoughtful advice! My daughter is my best ally. She loves dressing up...

Many things about how you describe your relationship with your daughter resonate for me. I find that my kids are way more able to understand that I am autonomous person who is reacting to things *other than them* if I stop and remind them sometimes. It is such a complicated line to walk though. When does education/empathy become inappropriate codependence?

My kids are much younger than yours so I'm a very different place in that struggle. This is going to be complicated forever.

 

[KwanYingirl]

@rightkindofme yes, it has been a complicated relationship at key times of their development. When they were teenagers my daughter kind of disappeared and didn't bring too many friends over because this was when I suffered a massive chemical exposure that made it impossible to tolerate fragrances and nicotine smells. When they came home, they'd have to take showers and put their clothes in the washing machine. It was just easier for her to spend the night at friends. She still came to me for support and advice. Once she came home after I had cut extensively and was dissociated. That was tough for her. Then when she went to college she really separated from me but looked for help and guidance when one of her roommates got pregnant and entwined her friends in being her birth helpers. I drove right down there and got her medical help, social worker and some tanning coupons and she rallied. She is very independent, she has great critical thinking skills and has accomplished a lot. I'm still her go to person for major decisions. She understands that under my PTSD is a brave and competent woman. We're not codependent we are allies. I had to accept and understand her developmental stages which I learned from my therapists. When I was physically sick from the chemical exposure, my mother went behind my back and tried to bribe her to move to Florida and live with them. She did not extend that offer to my son. Ah, my son!

He is dyslexic and had tremendous barriers to get through. I had a team of helpers: Speech and Language Pathologist, legal advocate, therapist, tutors and sports in which he excelled. I found a program that taught at risk teens how to fly a plane. That boosted his self esteem because in order to fly, he had to pass aviation physics first and they were college level courses. Cost to me? $25.00!! Having said that, he was out of his mind one year he just bottomed out. Having the team allowed me to just be his Mom and love him. He did spend 22 days at the state psych hospital. In his case, it was a godsend. He went to college a functional illiterate and graduated with straight A's and a full boat offer to graduate school. He said, "Mom, no more school. It's time to work" he's been employed in sales since a week after graduation.

Am I proud? You bet!! I think watching me overcome the struggles related to chemical sensitivity, going back to college myself and good role models allowed them a safety net for taking risks, something I really admire them for. My son is not as accepting of my disabilities as my daughter is. Bottom line is that they weathered the storm of my PTSD admirably. Kids are a lot more capable than we give them credit for.